This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i suck as a mouse in a maze

I have a great sense of direction, A GREAT SENSE OF DIRECTION, but for some reason I’m really struggling here in Washington, DC.  Normally I can just remember where I was as the grid appears in my head and I have no worries getting from one spot to another but I’m all turned around up here.


Even this morning at breakfast for example; Keely and I got up, worked out and then went to the restaurant to have breakfast.  We spent the meal discussing the day and studying Google Maps to get our bearings.  After all, we had a lot of things to figure out.  Yesterday we found where she’s going to live and then located where her job is.  By the way, it’s a block from the White House and the location is awesome.


We then walked from her job to her room or at least we tried to because I ended up taking her in the complete opposite direction.  I’m not quite sure how that happened.  We finally were back on track and figured out how to get her home from her job.  (She’s staying in George Washington University Housing)  So I felt pretty accomplished, as we now knew where her job was, where her room was and where GWU gym was.


Step two? Get back to our hotel, which I had booked by Googling hotels near GW.  Little did I know that GW is huge and very spread out and that being near GW doesn’t actually mean being near where Keely is living?  At any rate, after about a four-mile hike around DC we finally reached the Marriott we are staying in.  By the way, I don’t like this hotel and won’t be staying here again.


So this morning we ate breakfast and planned out our day.  We are moving her things into her room at 12 and I’m meeting a friend at 3.  We also need to locate essentials like grocery stores, drug stores, etc. We got up from the table and I took a left and then a right weaving around tables when I discovered we were in a corner for some reason.


Keely:             Where are you going Mom?


Me:                 I have no idea.  I’m completely fucking up getting out of this restaurant.


Keely:             That’s not like you.


Lynn:              Yeah I know!   I feel like a mouse in a maze and I’m totally sucking at it.  I always thought I’d be the excellent mouse in the maze.


Keely:              Well, if you were a mouse in a maze you’d have a great sense of smell and you’d find your way out.


Me:                 Hey, this would be an excellent title for a blog post “in which I suck as a mouse in a maze!”


Keely:             Mom, why is EVERYTHING about your blog?


Me:                 I have no answer for that but it is an excellent name.


So we get in the elevator and we get to my area of weakness (as compared to directions which are normally my area of strength) remembering my room number.  So we get in and I press 6.


Keely:             Mom, we’re on 8!


Me:                 Oh!


(So Keely presses 8 but of course, the elevator stops at 6 and two kids get on)


Me:                 (to the two kids) we’re accidentally going up!


(And they hit the button for 9)


Me:                 I see you’re going up on purpose.


Keely:             Mom, we’re going up on purpose too!


Me:                 Oh yeah!


(So, we walk down the hall and I stop in front of 858)


Keely:             Mom, this isn’t our room.  We are in 862.  Remember?


(Hell no I can’t remember obviously)


Me:                  Oh yeah … You told me 8-6=2 so I could remember.


Keely:             And yet you’re standing in front of 858.


So here we are in the room.  Keely’s taking a shower and I’m writing this up because with the way DC is fucking with my personal navigation system, I might never back it home.


I’m just saying…


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  1. Katja Brown
    May 23, 2011

    Hilarious! I suck at navigation but thanks to my GPS, good friends and a husband that is excellent at remembering where we are supposed to be going I always get there eventually. Good luck with Keely’s move to Washington DC.

    • Lynn
      May 23, 2011

      Normally I’m excellent at Navigation and I never get lost. I was bizarre that I kept getting all confused. I truly don’t understand it.

  2. All I can do it picture you with the little whiskers and round ears. Adorable!!

    I didn’t know you were in my territory this past weekend! I keep wanting to meet you and missing you. :-( Just so you don’t feel bad about getting lost in DC: I’ve been living here since I was eight and I still get lost. It’s because DC was built as a maze to get invaders lost enough to make sure they don’t leave the city.

    • Lynn
      May 23, 2011

      Yeah, i was up there for a quick trip to drop of Keely but NOT TO WORRY… I’ll be back to visit sometime with Kevin in late June or July. Maybe we can meet then.

      Great explanation BTW…hahaha…invaders

    • Lady Estrogen
      May 23, 2011

      I dunno about adorable.
      I would picture her as a strung-out and pissed off mouse, all frustrated. lol

  3. Dori Jalazo
    May 23, 2011

    I’m always a little lost and a little bit found. My kids lived near capital Hill , now Niki and her fiance in Alexandria, and Matt and his wife are moving back up to Silver Springs, Md. because she starts her residency at of all places ‘Your’ Johns Hopkins in Pediatrics.
    Maybe we can make some trips after the fall. But I can’t navigate ,or remember room numbers, or drive in DC , I haven’t figured out what I am good for there, but I can talk, listen and eat, shop too. Good laughs, oh yeah.

    • Lynn
      May 23, 2011

      I have never spent much time in Washington so I don’t know the city well at all. Nonetheless, I was surprised how turned around I kept getting. At any rate, I made it and it’s all good.

  4. Vinobaby
    May 23, 2011

    You need to download the GPS app on your phone. Or buy one of those tourist maps they sell on every street corner next to the post cards (wait, do they still have postcards?)

    Since you have a good sense of direction and still got lost you gave me a fabulous idea. I’m going to suggest DC to my MIL for her next trip. She loves to travel buy herself and gets lost in her own country club. She’d never make it back home. I love it.


    • Lynn
      May 23, 2011

      I had a GPS and yet i still couldn’t get my “Sense” of direction together. I just kept getting turned around. Keely, however must have successfully made it to work today since I haven’t heard from her so that was pretty much the point. It’s all good

  5. Don E. Chute
    May 23, 2011

    Your day was really O.K. Your problem really started when you used google maps. I am totally convinced they have a group of computer nerds in there that purposely screw with the latitude and longitude to fuck you up!

    The secret is…paper…good ole’ fashioned paper maps! Keep the geeks at google out of the loop.

    Aloha From Sunny South Florida!

    • Lynn
      May 23, 2011

      I did have a paper map and that’s the only way we managed. google is awesome sometimes but other times, it’ll screw you up bad.

    • Lynn
      May 23, 2011

      oh..and thanks for stopping by

  6. Wombat Central
    May 23, 2011

    I get lost all the time, so I feel your mousy pain. Typically, whatever my first instinct is, I turn in the opposite direction and that’s the right way.

    I finally bought a GPS device. That helps most of the time. Though, I’m not sure it would help you to exit a restaurant. That was a classic move right there. ;)

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