In which i was askew

I wear glasses.  Mostly to see but also … no really, just to see I suppose.  I actually have two pairs of regualar glasses and two pairs of sunglasses.  I hadn’t really intended on that but once when I went in with Andie to buy her some glasses I was in a really impulsive mood (no really, lights and buzzers were flashing “Lynn, stay in the house, you’re way to impulsive today to go to a store of ANY kind”) and I ended up buying a second pair of galsses and a second pair of sunglasses.

So, the point is I have 4 pairs of prescription glasses, two regular and two sunglasses.  I mostly just wear the one pair of regular glasses because I discovered one day wearing the onther ones that my entire head was askew.

a·skew/əˈskyo͞o/

I felt kind of funny wearing those glasses so I rarely wore them.  But, 3 weeks ago I accidentally bent my main pair of glasses and I couldn’t wear them.  Cue the backup pair.  Now the backup pair are actually REALLY cute glasses but they’re bright turquoise with a solid straight line on top and they really show that my head is askew, hence the following conversation with Kevin:

Me:                  People keep asking me if I got new glasses

Kevin:             why?

Me:                  because although I’ve had these glasses for a year, I rarely wear them

Kevin:             why?

Me:                  I never noticed before…

Kevin              Noticed what?

Me:                  I think my head is askew

Kevin:             askew?

Me:                  yeah,askew … you know crooked, out of whack

Kevin:             Lynn, I know what askew means

Me:                  I think it’s because I have two scars through my eyebrow

Kevin:             maybe

Me:                  or maybe my ears are out of line

Kevin:             well … your ears

Me:                  don’t even start with my ears (he thinks my ears stick out)

Kevin:             what? What was I going to say?

Me:                  you can’t tell with my bangs down but with a ponytail?

Kevin:             hmmm … you could be right.  You are askew

Me:                  see? You’re making me self-concious

Kevin:             we can check

Me:                  like with a level

Kevin:             yeah we have a level

Me:                  we have a 2 foot level. We should do that.  Can you imagine a picture of me with a 2 foot level on my glasses

Kevin:             that would be funny

Me:                  it wouldn’t work though

Kevin:             why

Me:                  because I could stand crooked or hold my head crooked and the level would should that.  It wouldn’t actually prove whether I was actually askew or not

Kevin:             It would be funny for you to walk around for a day with a level on your glasses though

So you see? I was convinced tht I was all askew so the glasses made me feel funny but yesterday I finally went and got my messed up glasses fixed. When she was fixing them she said :

Her:                 hmmm, one of your ears is lower than the other

Me:                  WHAT? So I am askew?

Her:                 everyone is to some extent

Me:                  really?

Her:                 yes, all you do is adjust the glasses to fix that

Me:                  how do you do that

Her:                 you don’t look at the ears, you look at the nose and measure the distance

Me:                  holy shit, for years I have been worrying about being askew and you just told me EVERYONE is askew

Her:                 would you like me to fix the other glasses for you

Me:                  Hell yeah … I can’t believe I’m not askew

Her:                 well, you are but we all are

Me:                  I have got to write about this

Her:                 you’re a trip Lynn

Which I think means “you’re pretty god damn awesome Lynn” although that might be a loose interpretation.  I’m not sure.

So there you are!  Now I have two pairs of glasses to use every day.  And don’t forget to add askew to your vocabulary.

You can thank me later.

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