This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i was askew

 

I wear glasses.  Mostly to see but also … no really, just to see I suppose.  I actually have two pairs of regualar glasses and two pairs of sunglasses.  I hadn’t really intended on that but once when I went in with Andie to buy her some glasses I was in a really impulsive mood (no really, lights and buzzers were flashing “Lynn, stay in the house, you’re way to impulsive today to go to a store of ANY kind”) and I ended up buying a second pair of galsses and a second pair of sunglasses.

 

So, the point is I have 4 pairs of prescription glasses, two regular and two sunglasses.  I mostly just wear the one pair of regular glasses because I discovered one day wearing the onther ones that my entire head was askew.

 

a·skew/əˈskyo͞o/

 

Adverb:
1.Not in a straight or level position: “the door was hanging askew on one twisted hinge”; “her hat was slightly askew”.2.Wrong; awry: “the plan went sadly askew”; “outrageous humor with a decidedly askew point of view”.

 

Synonyms: aslant – askance – awry – slantwise – athwart – askant

 

 

I felt kind of funny wearing those glasses so I rarely wore them.  But, 3 weeks ago I accidentally bent my main pair of glasses and I couldn’t wear them.  Cue the backup pair.  Now the backup pair are actually REALLY cute glasses but they’re bright turquoise with a solid straight line on top and they really show that my head is askew, hence the following conversation with Kevin:

 

Me:                  People keep asking me if I got new glasses

Kevin:             why?

Me:                  because although I’ve had these glasses for a year, I rarely wear them

Kevin:             why?

Me:                  I never noticed before…

Kevin              Noticed what?

Me:                  I think my head is askew

Kevin:             askew?

Me:                  yeah,askew … you know crooked, out of whack

Kevin:             Lynn, I know what askew means

Me:                  I think it’s because I have two scars through my eyebrow

Kevin:             maybe

Me:                  or maybe my ears are out of line

Kevin:             well … your ears

Me:                  don’t even start with my ears (he thinks my ears stick out)

Kevin:             what? What was I going to say?

Me:                  you can’t tell with my bangs down but with a ponytail?

Kevin:             hmmm … you could be right.  You are askew

Me:                  see? You’re making me self-concious

Kevin:             we can check

Me:                  like with a level

Kevin:             yeah we have a level

Me:                  we have a 2 foot level. We should do that.  Can you imagine a picture of me with a 2 foot level on my glasses

Kevin:             that would be funny

Me:                  it wouldn’t work though

Kevin:             why

Me:                  because I could stand crooked or hold my head crooked and the level would should that.  It wouldn’t actually prove whether I was actually askew or not

Kevin:             It would be funny for you to walk around for a day with a level on your glasses though

So you see? I was convinced tht I was all askew so the glasses made me feel funny but yesterday I finally went and got my messed up glasses fixed. When she was fixing them she said :

 

Her:                 hmmm, one of your ears is lower than the other

Me:                  WHAT? So I am askew?

Her:                 everyone is to some extent

Me:                  really?

Her:                 yes, all you do is adjust the glasses to fix that

Me:                  how do you do that

Her:                 you don’t look at the ears, you look at the nose and measure the distance

Me:                  holy shit, for years I have been worrying about being askew and you just told me EVERYONE is askew

Her:                 would you like me to fix the other glasses for you

Me:                  Hell yeah … I can’t believe I’m not askew

Her:                 well, you are but we all are

Me:                  I have got to write about this

Her:                 you’re a trip Lynn

Which I think means “you’re pretty god damn awesome Lynn” although that might be a loose interpretation.  I’m not sure.

 

So there you are!  Now I have two pairs of glasses to use every day.  And don’t forget to add askew to your vocabulary.

 

You can thank me later.

 

 

 

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11 Comments

  1. Xzania34
    February 13, 2012

    Some people wear there glasses for fashion, but mostly for there own good.
    Xzania34 recently posted..second hand cars stroudMy Profile

  2. Ainna
    February 13, 2012

    I want to get glasses too and I am not sure if I will get used to it…
    Ainna recently posted..Waterfront Gold SingaporeMy Profile

  3. raenze
    February 13, 2012

    I love the color of your glasses and especially the stripes color black. Sometimes I’m wearing glasses for fashion because its cute and you look genius of it even though your not hahahaha..very funny
    raenze recently posted..Guest houses PaigntonMy Profile

  4. Pamela D Hart
    February 13, 2012

    Oh wow! They can FIX the askewness! So now I won’t have to walk around with a tilted head and stop getting a kink in my neck!
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..The Menu At My House ~ Like It Or Lump ItMy Profile

    • Lynn
      February 13, 2012

      well, they can’t fix the ears…just the glasses…hahaha

  5. Name *
    February 13, 2012

    I’ve been fond of askew for ages. Athwart, though, I haven’t used in donkeys years. My son has a psychiatrist (he is four). We’re doing lots of play therapy. The psychiatrist worried that we use too many long words with him. I said, “My kids have gargantuan vocabularies”. And Sam said, “Yeah, I have room for like a million more words in my dictionary”. I was so worried he would say lexicon.

    • Lynn
      February 13, 2012

      hahaha…i have a terrible vocabulary by the way.

      always have

  6. Name *
    February 13, 2012

    Yup, have known for a while that I am askew. I started out thinking it was all of the sunglasses I tried on. But no, it is me.

    The Kidless Kronicles

    • Lynn
      February 13, 2012

      well, don’t bother with a level. turns out we all are

  7. Julie
    February 13, 2012

    What a coinky dink! I am off to the eye doc in a few weeks and plan on new contacts AND glasses. I will get back to you with how askew my noggin is. And to think, i was only excited about getting my eyes dilated.

    • Lynn
      February 13, 2012

      i hate the dilation but get some cute specs

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