This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i went to TAGS

I should have written this post when it happened but I didn’t and now I’ve told the story a few times so it’s conceivable that the post will suck in which case be forewarned that THIS POST MIGHT SUCK.


That was basically my disclaimer.  I can’t actually remember what I’ve written on this trip and I’m probably going to post everything out of order so bear with me.


One thing that I know by now is that when I go to these mom conferences that most of these women pull out all the stops.  They use this as an opportunity to dress up and put on makeup and have fun.  Especially when the conference is at a warmer place it means cute shoes and high heels.


I’m not the type to wear high heels but I decided I needed a pedicure to get all ready.  That’s about as much glamour as I’m going to do. I told Keely I wanted to get a pedicure so we went to a place in West Hollywood.  Once seated there were trillions of decisions to make.  What color? Pedicure or mani/pedi? Gel nails or regular? Foot massage or no??


You can see how hard the entire process is.  I was going to get just a pedicure but Keely told me to get the manicure AND the pedicure.  To have the pedi they roll up my pants until my calves feel like they have a tourniquet on them.  Now Keely went with the gel manicure but when I learned what a colossal pain in the ass it was to get it off, I opted out.


So I get my stuff and Keely gets her stuff and Keely’s nails are totally dry so she pays and we walk to dinner. I asked her to unroll my pants but she can’t get them down cuz they’re so damn tight.


We get to the restaurant and my legs are driving me nuts so I try to pull them down but they fucking stuck.  Keely tells me to wait but now I’m going all OCD about it and I finally get my pants down and great news, 3 out of 10 of my fingernails are NOT messed up.  You do the math. That’s why I hate manicures because I always fuck them up.


Fast forward to the next day and KEELY and I are in this terrific little boutique called TAGS.  You guys gotta go there.  They’re in West Hollywood right next to Soul Cycle and Equinox, (which is how we found them) and they have the cutest clothes.  (I actually bought keely a really cute shirt because I’m so proud of her but don’t tell anyone).


They were really nice and polite and have both men’s and women’s clothing and awesome eclectic jewelry.  Somehow Keely explained to them that I had screwed up 7/10 of my nails within minutes when we had the following conversation:


Keely:  so yeah, my mom always screws up her fingernails

Salesgirl:   you should put some nail bling on next time

me: what’s nail bling?

Salesgirl: it’s jewelry you have put on your nails

Keely: can we see?


And the girl whips out this tray of crazy stuff that you glue in your nails.  Check out this pic!


Me:  are you kidding me? People wear this crap?

Salesgirl: oh yeah, we used to have an entire display if this and this is all that’s left

Me: I have GOT to blog Bout this


And then of course I had to explain my blog but they were great sports about it,


Me: can you put one on so I can take a picture?

Salesgirl: sure, which one?

Me: that one


And I pointed to a really crazy, pointy one so she put it on and I took a picture,

nail bling


Keely: that looks dangerous

Me:  yeah you could put an eye out with it

Keely: I’d kill myself (she probably would)

Me: actually, now that I think about it,  that baby could come in handy

Salesgirl: how so?

Me: because now all my fingernails are so short that I can’t even scratch an itch but if I had that one sharp nail that would no longer be a problem


And then we all laughed and agreed that having one talon could indeed be a very good thing.


Long story short, got to TAGS in West Hollywood.  Hmmmm….I wonder of this is my first promotional post.

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  1. Jester Queen
    May 9, 2013

    Of course it didn’t suck! Too bad about your nails, though. Aren’t those things supposed to be guaranteed for a couple of weeks? Not that I envision you trooping back in there and getting them redone instead of whatever you were off to do at TAGS.

  2. Julie
    May 9, 2013

    Quite ghetto – riffic. I want some!

  3. Theresa
    May 9, 2013

    Next time… mani-pedi = color on toes, and high buff/no polish on hands. Cause the hands always get screwed up! And every little thing is only $5.00 dolla more! Like Starbucks, we have a nail place on every corner!

    Shopping in West Hollywood is an experience… Tags seems pretty mild in comparison to what could have been!

    Before you know it, you will have visited Keely so much, you will have the Cali lifestyle down pat, and you will call yourself bi-coastal.

    • Lynn
      May 10, 2013

      you’re like my little guru

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