This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i wonder “Do hookers not have plantar fascia?”

I wrote a post a while ago about buying “Hooker Boots” when I was in London.  If you haven’t read that post, this is the link and you should read it right now (http://bit.ly/dMa9Ec)  but, as a recap, my daughter thought that the over-the-knee boots I bought in London looked like something only hookers would wear, hence the name “Hooker Boots.”  I don’t think they really qualify because they don’t have heels.   Anyway, I was wearing them the other day when I was out with a friend and we started discussing the boots.  This lead to a discussion on hooker boots which, of course, led to a discussion on hookers.  Now, I don’t know if you sit around and discuss hookers but I do and now I’m going to let you eavesdrop on that conversation:

Me:                  “I’m not sure that these are really hooker boots anyways.”

Friend:             “Yeah, hookers always seem to be wearing heels.”

Me:                  “That’s true.  Hookers DO always seem to be wearing heels.  Why do they never wear flats?”

(Now I’m intrigued by this concept and really starting to think about it)

Friend:             “Maybe heels make their butt look better”

Me:                  “Yeah, cuz every hooker probably has an excellent butt!”

Friend:             “Well, it’s a selling point”

(This is a good point.  I mean, my legs definitely look better in heels)

Me:                   “I really can’t wear heels.  I have plantar fascia.”

Friend:              “Oh really?”

Me:                    “I guess hookers never have plantar fascia?”

Friend:               “What’s that again?”

Me:                    “Plantar fascia.  It’s heel pain.  You get it when the tendon and bone are screwed up.  I got it playing racquetball and have had four Cortisone shots in my heel.  It’s pretty goddamn painful … ( long pause here) … but why don’t hookers get plantar fascia?”

(By now, we’re cracking up.  Who actually thinks about this stuff? )

Friend:               “That’s a great question.  They ARE on their feet all day.”

Me:                    “Well, except for when they’re on their back.”

(hahaha…on their back!  Get it!  We’re dying now…I’m pretty sure my friend is going to drive into a wall)

Friend:                “Hahaha.  Yeah, but they’re walking along in heels all day other than that.”

Me:                     “We should ask a hooker.”

Friend:                 “I don’t know any hookers.”

Me:                      “I don’t know any hookers either.  If I knew one, we could ask her.”

(long pause in the conversation while we contemplate how we could ask a hooker)

Friend:                 “Maybe we should go meet one.”

Me:                      “Meet one?”

Friend:                 “Meet a hooker?”

Me:                      “WHERE would be meet a hooker?”

Friend:                  “I don’t know…”

(this might be one of the best conversations I’ve ever had!)

Me:                       “…Yeah, we should definitely go meet a hooker.”

Friend:                  “… and then we could take her to lunch”

(hahaha….can you imagine?  Who’s with you Lynn?  Oh, just some hooker I met…but don’t worry, she doesn’t have plantar fascia!)

Me:                       “Yeah, it could be like ‘go meet a hooker day’ or, even better, ‘bring a hooker to lunch’ day!”

Friend:                 “Hahaha.  Can you imagine?  I’m bringing this hooker to lunch!”

Me:                       “… or,I have a better idea; we could take her to work!”

Friend:                 “what?”

Me:                       “Yeah, it could be like that day, ‘bring your daughter to work day’ except its ‘bring your favorite neighborhood hooker to work’ day!”

Friend:              “Hahaha. Can you imagine bringing a hooker to work?”

Me:                  “Of course, that would only work for Elliot Spitzer or Tiger woods.  I mean, I don’t have my own personal hooker, do you?”

It was at this point that we were laughing too hard to continue the conversation and I realized that I COULD have a podcast show with such scintillating topics as “Why Don’t hookers Get Plantar Fascia” and other such ponderings.
 
So what do you think?  “Bring a hooker to work day?”  “Take a hooker out for lunch?”  “Buy a poor hooker some sneakers?”  Haven’t actually contemplated it?  That’s why I’m here: to open up your world.  Let me know your thoughts on the matter.

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20 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    December 20, 2010

    I usually really enjoy your random musings. This one not so much. Each year at Christmas, I try to make a conscious effort to help others less fortunate than myself. I have met some very interesting people through those efforts. Mostly, women who are trying to raising a child or children without the benefit of the financials that others enjoy. The situations are mostly the result of a divorce. Many times these women have real jobs, live in “nice” neighborhoods, and attend their children’s school functions, but cannot do all that without “supplementing” their base income.

    One thing is certain: they did not wake up one day and say “I want to be a hooker.” it’s simply a means an end for most of them.

    They may even “know” your husband and mine. So don’t be so quick to judge them.

    • Lynn
      December 20, 2010

      Well..the conversation was just a joke. I actually give a tremendous amount of money to my community to help those less fortunate than I. I make fun of everything. Sometimes you like it…sometimes you don’t…your choice.

  2. Samantha
    December 20, 2010

    Hilarious! Last night I dreamt my friend and I decided to start up a 2nd business together to try to make a little extra cash … we decided to be prostitutes. Nice. After discovering all people needing a hooker weren’t hot rip-ab’ed men we decided to give it up. LMAO.

    • Lynn
      December 20, 2010

      Hahaha…yeah, I would imagine the really hot wouldn’t go to hookers. :( probably best to avoid the profession. Thanks for the comment!

  3. jillsmo
    December 20, 2010

    I have a heel spur; if they’re in heels all day they’re putting all the pressure on the balls of their feet (no pun intended) so they’re not aggravating the fascia, which they would be doing in flats.

    I bet you weren’t expecting an actual answer to this question

    • Lynn
      December 20, 2010

      Well…now we know. I actually read about it and sometimes you get them from heels and sometimes from flip-flops! Hahaha…thanks for the answer

  4. R's mommy
    December 20, 2010

    I used to wear high heels a lot. High heel boots, high heel heels, you name it. I carried my work samples through numerous airports and planes and offices in my HIGH HEELS. And they weren’t “kitten heels” by any means- these were HIGH HEELS and I’m a tall girl. They were always a minimum of 3.5 inches. Now I don’t have much use for them…. on a date night I’m a bit too tall, and when I go into work I’m just there strictly taking care of business … not a fashion show. So… my beautiful high heels wait …. in the shoe tree…. one day they will come back to life. ….. maybe ….. unless R gets a brother….. hahahaha… anyway, I have no problem with high heels, and I always felt like it was my second workout trucking through airports with those beasts! Besides… I think I looked pretty good doing it. I will wear them again …. and I’m not a hooker and never suffered plantar fa – whatever thank god. I think high heels are sexy and make you look sexy. They make your legs look longer and hotter.

    • Lynn
      December 20, 2010

      I agree with you. Heels are awesome. I can’t walk in them for long though.

  5. Thank, Q
    December 20, 2010

    What’s up with the Anonymous comment? Dag, get a sense of humor. Anyway, this was very entertaining! If you ever get to ask a hooker, then let me know the answer. I’ve never thought of it. LOL!

    • Lynn
      December 20, 2010

      Thanks for the comment. If I ever get an answer I will definitely be writing about it!

  6. gina
    December 21, 2010

    I wish I was part of that conversation! Too funny!!

    • Lynn
      December 21, 2010

      hahaha…just have to come hang out with me Gina!

  7. Kimberly
    December 21, 2010

    HA! I laugh out loud (and sometimes even SNORT) when I read your posts. Irreverent and mind-boggling hysterical! Thanks for helping me laugh!

    • Lynn
      December 21, 2010

      Oh, that makes me so happy. I’m so glad you’re enjoying it all!

  8. Carly
    December 27, 2010

    I LOVE your ALL of your stories!! Because I HAVE a sense of humor. People really should learn to relax. This is great. And I guess I like them, because I have actually had some similar!! Keep up the good work!! :)

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      Thanks for comment…I really appreciate it. I’m glad you think my stories are funny.

  9. Leigh Ann
    June 25, 2011

    Ugh I’ve had plantar fasciitis before from wearing heels AND had the cortisone shots. So, so painful. I imagine hookers don’t have the best health insurance, so their foot problems likly go untreated. ;)

    • Lynn
      June 25, 2011

      Hahaha…I’m trying to imagine health insurance for hookers! I hate cortisone shots. I’ve had a ton

  10. Karen
    August 14, 2011

    I have Plantar Fascitis in both heels…had surgery to correct the left foot and had multiple shots in the right. Went to insoles prescribed by my podiatrist so I don’t have to have surgery again. I don’t know how those hookers do it!

    • Lynn
      August 14, 2011

      I had 4 shots in one of my heels too! Then i quit playing racquetball and doing all high impact stuff and i’m fine. poor, poor hookers

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