This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i write “Dear May”

Dear May:

 

Basically, you sucked.

 

I was psyched to see you because of all those “May flowers” that are talked about after those “April showers” but ya know what?  Most of my flowers bloomed early and by mid May I had a bunch of dead and dying daisies keeling over in my front yard anyways.

 

So there was that.

 

Although I was pumped that my daughter graduated from college I was a little leery about the fact that she was ending the month with surgery and once again, you pulled the wool over my eyes.  While she went through surgery and it was a rip-roaring success, you shocked us with the news that we would be getting a “twofer” that day.  No, I don’t mean two for the price of one.  I’m pretty damn sure that the entire vascular team at Duke University Hospital will NOT be donating their services for the “extra” little surgery we had.

 

I just mean that you decided to “fuck” with Keely and make her have NOT ONE, but TWO major surgeries in the same day.  I know she’ll be pleased with the gigantic new scar she has running down her entire left thigh although I suppose it could have been worse.

 

But still, that unexpected bonus caused me to pass out twice in one day down there at the hospital ruining my entire reputation as a “tough cookie” so thanks for that.  At any rate, although I truly enjoyed the week spent in the hospital down at Duke, I was pleased that you finally allowed me to return home with my daughter so both she and I could recuperate from the ordeal. (She’ll tell you that she had it worse)

 

So it seemed that the month was almost behind us when you threw in your cruelest joke. The MCAT’s.  Yes, my daughter Andie was taking them on May 31, which would be your last day to have any input into the year.  She has a very strong GPA at school and she stile took both a practice course and has spent the last month hunkered over her books studying to show off her vast array of knowledge.

 

And yet, on the very last day of the month you threw the hardest test she’s ever taken at her.  Now, of course, this was expected as it’s the MCAT’s but although she has taken a million practice tests, she felt this one was unlike any of the ones she had taken before.  She came home a beaten down young woman.

 

Now don’t worry. I managed to cheer her up but now, thanks to you, I will worry all month until she gets her score back.  In other words, I have the entire month of June now hanging over my head as I wait for the other shoe to drop.

 

So you see May? Not only have you destroyed this month for me but you have potentially screwed up June too!  And June is the month that Daniel, my baby, will graduate from high school.  It’s the month that I will turn 53 (not all that excited about that actually) and the month where I give Kevin and Daniel their joint present of a day at ESPN (father’s day and graduation present) for an entire Sunday during NFL season.

 

It’s the month that (hopefully) Keely will be able to start putting some weight on her foot and begins the long road back to full health.

 

So May, thanks for totally fucking me over.  I’m glad you’re gone but now I have to deal with the wreckage.

 

In other words May, fuck you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Lynn MacDonald

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13 Comments

  1. Mayor Gia
    June 4, 2012

    Ugh! Glad its over. And Glad Keely is okay — sounds like a super scary time. I don’t blame you for passing out.
    Mayor Gia recently posted..The Joys of Living AloneMy Profile

  2. Julie
    June 4, 2012

    Sending positive vibes for a successful June. I have had many, many “fuck you” months myself. I get it. Now go kick some ass.

  3. Jester Queen
    June 4, 2012

    Fucking May. It’s a goddamned bully is what it is. I hope June totally makes up for it by having Daniel’s stellar graduation party, by sending home Andie MCAT’s with awesome scores and giving Keely’s hip back some of its strength.
    Jester Queen recently posted..On trainsMy Profile

  4. Cristina
    June 4, 2012

    I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you already get over about May and look June as a new beginning. When I’m into your shoes, maybe or even worst, feel like that too!
    Cristina recently posted..Click hereMy Profile

  5. Sandy Rose
    June 4, 2012

    Tell how how you really feel!

    Hope June turns out to be a brand new pretty flower for you. No more sucky wilty daisies!

  6. KeAnne
    June 4, 2012

    I’ve had many months & even years in which I’ve said the same thing. I hope June is better!

  7. jim taylor
    June 4, 2012

    May is a jerk. I noticed that it had it in for me too, so I decided to quickly run and hide in Cancun for the end of it. Luckily May couldn’t find me there :)

    Great post – had a good laugh.
    jim taylor recently posted..Ice Machine RentalsMy Profile

  8. Chris
    June 4, 2012

    May wasn’t good here either, just had an early Hurricane. But we did get some much needed water.
    Chris recently posted..Designing A Home PageMy Profile

  9. Ann
    June 4, 2012

    Well that’s how I felt about 2011! 2012 is turning out to be “fucking amazing” – it’s all about me! Yes, me, myself and I. Well I hope this month is a kick ass month – making high scores, hubby loving his day, kids graduating in style and your daughter feeling better. Take that May – I feel good positive vibes going your way. Bam!

  10. alaina
    June 4, 2012

    Wishing you a spectacular June!
    alaina recently posted..Creepy Crawlers.My Profile

  11. Hazel Delle
    June 5, 2012

    I love reading your blog. I am eager to read your June experiences. Congrats to your son Daniel for his achievements. For his next school year is another endeavor as a college student. For sure there are a lot of wonderful experiences he will undergo in every stage of his life.
    Hazel Delle recently posted..TriactolMy Profile

  12. Elina Smirre
    June 10, 2012

    You really have a fucking month of May. I hope your daughter will be fine on her surgery. I hope your June will be a good month.
    Elina Smirre recently posted..Colon Cleansing a Health ChoiceMy Profile

  13. Leslie Cox
    July 2, 2012

    You really have a bad May. I hope you can recover on this situation. Just don’t lose hope.
    Leslie Cox recently posted..Mosquito Patch : The Natural Repellent for MosquitoesMy Profile

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