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In which i write “Dear Mom”

Dear ...


Dear Mom,


I wanted to apologize for laughing in your face.  Admittedly, it was a long time ago but still, I GET IT NOW.  I know you’ve been dead for 15 years but you remember when Bruce (my little brother) was going to college and I was a rising junior in college?  Do you remember when he didn’t have his shit together AT ALL and you were practically pulling your hair out?


Do you remember me laughing at you and telling you to “relax, he’ll either pack or he won’t.  It’s not your problem!” DO YOU?


Well I do and I wanted to tell you that I understand. You see mom, Daniel is getting ready to go to college or actually, he’s NOT getting ready to go to college.  That seems to be the problem.


Not only did Duke send him a STEP BY STEP checklist of all the things he needed to do before the fall but I also made him a list of all the things he needs to do before he goes.  Has he done them? In a word, NO.


He was signed up for a pre-orientation program and he was on the wait list.  I asked if he had been checking his email and he replied “no.”  Why wasn’t he checking his email on a regular basis? I have no idea but I’m POSTIVE it had something to do with FIFA and Xbox.  At any rate, he checked his email and lo and behold, he got in and he was supposed to reply within two days.  Of course, he checked it on day three.  I could actually feel my head implode.


Fortunately, I told him I was so “fucking tired” of him and dragged Keely off to rehab before I actually killed him.  As I was bitching and moaning to Kevin later about how “Daniel never did his list” Kevin replied, “now you know how I feel!”


“You mean Daniel never does YOUR list either?” I asked and he said, “No Lynn, YOU never do your list” which is ridiculous because I’m an adult and I don’t even want or need any lists.


But back to Daniel.  I told him to take care of his:


Student insurance



Make a list of items needed

Make a list of clothes needed

Get a parking permit

Fill out all the forms


And what has he done??????? None of them.


“Why do you care if I have a passport?” he asked me.  First of all, he’s had a passport since he was one since we’ve traveled out of the country many times and this one has expired.  Second of all, I have no second of all.


“Because, if WE decide to go on a family vacation YOU won’t be able to go!” I told him.  “Won’t THAT be a bummer if you have to stay here alone over Christmas?”


He seemed remarkably unconcerned.


OMG! Don’t get me started.  I told him to make a Gmail account.  It took a week.


I told him to look at his stuff.  NOT DONE YET.


I told him all this had to be done before I went to Maine.  NOT DONE.


So there you are mom.  You were right.  I’m not even that “helicopterish” and this shit is driving me crazy.  Part of me wants to say fuck it and let him mess up but THEN he’d be here with ME this fall and there’s no way in hell I want that. I’m supposed to be an empty nester DAMN IT!!!


So mom, I’m sure if you were here you would say, “I told you so” so as a favor to you, I’m saying it myself.  I WAS WRONG!!!


Your daughter who is still alive but slowly going insane,



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  1. Mom off Meth
    July 25, 2012

    My mom has been dead 25 years, tomorrow. I also wrote about her. I like how you are learning from her still. I always hope for that forever.

    • Lynn
      July 25, 2012

      i talk to both my parents all the time even though they’re both dead. wow, you must have been young when she died :(

  2. Barbara Handley
    July 25, 2012

    I feel you. I have an 18 year old daughter who goes on day after day about all the things she intends to do and how ,user able she feels because she’s not doing them, and yet, still fritters away her days reading fan fiction.

    I don’t get it.

    • Lynn
      July 25, 2012

      OMG! My daughter also fritters her days away reading fan fiction…of course, i read it too!

  3. Dylan Lin Calista
    July 25, 2012

    LOL. Well, my Mom never had this issue with me but she did have it with my older brother…and since he didn’t ‘get with the program’, my Mom painstakingly did it all for him because she couldn’t stand it, lol.

    I, on the other hand, have always been the type who likes going it alone. I’ve always enjoyed independence so you can imagine how frustrated I am these days where I depend on others to help me with little things.

    When I was younger, I always thought it would be great to leave home and start a new life completely separate from family. But, as the days drew closer, I found that every thing I did that had anything to do with my leaving was extremely difficult. Such things as buying what’s on my ‘list’ – yes, I make lists, became such a chore…and it was like I had bricks tied to my feet.

    That’s when I realized, I didn’t really want to leave; that I’d miss my family. And when I left, boy, did I miss them so.

    I asked my brother about this…why he didn’t seem to care at the time. He said, it’s not that he didn’t care…it’s just that it was hard for him to move because he knew he was going to miss the family…he just didn’t understand how he was feeling at the time.

    Daniel could be going through the same.

    • Lynn
      July 25, 2012

      hmmm maybe…or, as he told me yesterday, IT’S SUMMER MOM!

      • Rebecca
        July 25, 2012

        You should have retorted “It’s real life now Daniel!”

        Though he probably would have pointed out that you get to have breaks. But you don’t have school!

  4. Arod
    July 25, 2012

    Great post I have my monster starting senior yr of hs this year it’s going to be a crazy year but I too look forward yo a lil peace with an empty nest I’ll say a lil prayer for you and me both

    • Lynn
      July 25, 2012

      in theory, i should be an empty nester this year but that remains to be seen

  5. Jester Queen
    July 25, 2012

    I think you should start annoying him with hip sounding psycho analysis. “You know Daniel, I wonder if you really want to go. I think you are expressing your subconscious anxieties about school and leaving home through this inactivity. Let’s talk about that. Let’s analyze your relationship with me. Or you could just pack.”

    • Lynn
      July 25, 2012

      hahaha…i just forced him to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond with me

  6. Julie
    July 25, 2012

    I blame Duke. They expect too much. At Kentucky, all we needed was the makings for a still and a written aggreement to attend all basketball games. (Did you know that they are the reighning NCAA Champs?) I’m sure I could make a call and get Daniel in, no questions asked. Just let me know ~ I’m here for you.

    • Lynn
      July 25, 2012

      the funny thing is that Kentucky was dying for him to come…should have sent him there

  7. Mary Anne
    July 25, 2012

    Oh god-my 16 year old daughter is just like that-and she has barely a chance right now of getting into a community college in 2 years, unless of course, she gets struck by lightening or has a lobotomy–or both. Let him face his own consequences-because one day he will be grown up, married, with kids, and his wife will be complaining about the same thing. HA

  8. Theresa
    July 25, 2012

    You know of course, that if he is smart enough to get into Duke, he is smart enough to get it all done. Even if he slips a bit, and has to suffer the consequences. He is messing with you, because at the end of the day, he is just as sad about leaving your nest empty as you are for it being empty. Keep Calm. Keep Mothering. It will all work out!

    • Lynn
      July 25, 2012


  9. Patty
    July 26, 2012

    My son didn’t get his shit together until I abandoned him his junior year at VMI. I paid no tuition, no gas money, no rides home, no nothing. How he managed to do the paperwork to get a student loan, after all his shockingly moronic behavior, AND then graduate only a semester late, finally proved to me that I’d been played for 20 f—ing years by my own baby boy.

    • Lynn
      July 26, 2012

      wow…He must have really been pissing you off. Daniel isn’t on that level…YET

      • Name *
        July 26, 2012

        There’s still time!

  10. The Real VD
    July 31, 2012

    I talk to my dead Mom all the time, although it’s usualy a bit more colorful.

    This sounds very familiar to my brother heading off to school. Maybe it’s just boys because I would never procrastinate like that. Seriously. Never.
    The Real VD recently posted..Employment, Here I Come.My Profile

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