This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
I wanted to apologize for laughing in your face. Admittedly, it was a long time ago but still, I GET IT NOW. I know you’ve been dead for 15 years but you remember when Bruce (my little brother) was going to college and I was a rising junior in college? Do you remember when he didn’t have his shit together AT ALL and you were practically pulling your hair out?
Do you remember me laughing at you and telling you to “relax, he’ll either pack or he won’t. It’s not your problem!” DO YOU?
Well I do and I wanted to tell you that I understand. You see mom, Daniel is getting ready to go to college or actually, he’s NOT getting ready to go to college. That seems to be the problem.
Not only did Duke send him a STEP BY STEP checklist of all the things he needed to do before the fall but I also made him a list of all the things he needs to do before he goes. Has he done them? In a word, NO.
He was signed up for a pre-orientation program and he was on the wait list. I asked if he had been checking his email and he replied “no.” Why wasn’t he checking his email on a regular basis? I have no idea but I’m POSTIVE it had something to do with FIFA and Xbox. At any rate, he checked his email and lo and behold, he got in and he was supposed to reply within two days. Of course, he checked it on day three. I could actually feel my head implode.
Fortunately, I told him I was so “fucking tired” of him and dragged Keely off to rehab before I actually killed him. As I was bitching and moaning to Kevin later about how “Daniel never did his list” Kevin replied, “now you know how I feel!”
“You mean Daniel never does YOUR list either?” I asked and he said, “No Lynn, YOU never do your list” which is ridiculous because I’m an adult and I don’t even want or need any lists.
But back to Daniel. I told him to take care of his:
Make a list of items needed
Make a list of clothes needed
Get a parking permit
Fill out all the forms
And what has he done??????? None of them.
“Why do you care if I have a passport?” he asked me. First of all, he’s had a passport since he was one since we’ve traveled out of the country many times and this one has expired. Second of all, I have no second of all.
“Because, if WE decide to go on a family vacation YOU won’t be able to go!” I told him. “Won’t THAT be a bummer if you have to stay here alone over Christmas?”
He seemed remarkably unconcerned.
OMG! Don’t get me started. I told him to make a Gmail account. It took a week.
I told him to look at his stuff. NOT DONE YET.
I told him all this had to be done before I went to Maine. NOT DONE.
So there you are mom. You were right. I’m not even that “helicopterish” and this shit is driving me crazy. Part of me wants to say fuck it and let him mess up but THEN he’d be here with ME this fall and there’s no way in hell I want that. I’m supposed to be an empty nester DAMN IT!!!
So mom, I’m sure if you were here you would say, “I told you so” so as a favor to you, I’m saying it myself. I WAS WRONG!!!
Your daughter who is still alive but slowly going insane,