This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
Guys, I’m a lousy nurse so if you ever need one you definitely should NOT call me. Let me explain.
If you’ve been reading this blog for a long time you know that I’ve had to take care of Keely more than once. If I’m not lazy then I’ll look for a link but knowing me I probably won’t so I’ll give you a bit of a recap.
The first time Keely had surgery on her hip, she was in the hospital for almost a week but when she came home she was still on crutches (actually she was on them for six months) and pain pills so when she had to get up or pee we had to accompany her to the bathroom. Keely texted me in the middle of the night on her first day back and I went upstairs and got her to the bathroom. When we got back to the bed, I had her leaning against the bed.
Of course, I had moved her crutches out of the way and she needed help getting back in bed. All of a sudden I knew, I KNEW that I was going to pass out. I could hear the roaring in my ears and I felt dizzy. I told her I had to lie down and she was all like “what do I do?” and I told her to “call daddy” who was downstairs asleep.
You can imagine the scene though: Keely is leaning against the bed dying and I’m on the floor trying to not completely pass out and Kevin came upstairs and was all “WTF??”
Fast forward two years and it happened again at Duke Hospital when they told us Keely needed a femoral bypass. I turned to Kevin and said “I’m going to pass out” and they said “get her out of here” and that was that.
So last week Keely had surgery and was once again on pain pills. I was on east coast time and this was the west coast so I was already tired. I got her into bed around 10:30 and finally fell asleep around 11:15 PM and she texted me at 12:30 AM saying she had to pee.
I got up, got her to the bathroom and got her back to bed. I fell asleep again around 1:00 and at 2:30 AM she texts me that she has to pee again. I was tired; really, really tired but what could I do but get up and take her to the bathroom.
Which I did and that was fine but we got back to bed and of course, the hardest thing is always getting back in bed. I had her leaning against the bed when I heard the roaring and felt the wave.
Me: Keely, I’m going to pass out
Keely: seriously mom?
Me: yeah, I have to lie down on the floor
Keely: well I can’t call dad this time
Of course he was in NC and i was in LA with her so I lay down and she just stood there in pain looking at me like again mom? Again???
Finally i thought i could stand up again and I stood up, a little unsteady on my feet, but certainly upright.
Me: let’s get this done
Keely: are you all right?
Me: i just need us both back in bed
so i got her in bed and i got in bed and fortunately she didn’t text me again until 6:00 AM by which time I was almost going to live through the day.
Keely of course, texted Kevin and Andie and everyone that once again her mom had passed out.
Conclusion: I’m not well suited for nursing.
… or for being a mom
… or for being sleeping
THAT IS ALL!