This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
I’m having an old lady week in every sense of the word. Here’s what’s going on. On Monday I went to Pilates. I did my workout and everything felt fine. I woke up on Tuesday morning and I still felt fine.
Now Tuesday is my Spinning day so I got prepared for spinning and then sat down on the couch to chill for a half an hour with my cup of coffee. All was well until I stood up and then SHIT!!!! My back was killing me. Really back? All I did was stand up and I felt like I had completely thrown my lower back out.
I figured, well I’ll go to spinning and I won’t kill myself but it’ll stretch out and I will feel better. So I went to spinning and got on the bike and my back hurt; like really, really hurt. After about 15 minutes I realized that I was only making things worse and I called it a day and got off the bike.
Meanwhile, I had gotten an email that morning asking me if I wanted to play bridge that day. Now when I was in college I used to play bridge all the time; usually stoned and with a bunch of really cute boys but still, I played. I haven’t played since but the gals who asked said no problem they’d teach me. I was actually thrilled to be asked because I’m not really a member of any women’s groups.
I sucked down a bottle of Advil and got to the bridge game and sat down gingerly. They asked what had happened to me and I explained that I had a dismount injury from getting off the couch. Wait! WHAT??? Yeah, getting old sucks. OF course, they were all older than me so they weren’t all that impressed.
So they retaught me how to play bridge and I didn’t realize there were so many rules and so much math and memory involved. I’m pretty sure we were winging all that shit in college but it was pretty fun other than the fact that I kept wiggling because of my back.
I told Andie last night that I “played bridge” and she said “isn’t that what old ladies do?” so yeah, that’s what I mean.
This morning I felt much better and went to another Pilates class. I really like doing this classes with younger women so I can bitch and moan about being old but there was somebody much older than me there today. After Pilates, I asked her how much she worked out.
Here was her answer:
On Monday she does spinning and Pilates Xtend at night
On Tuesday she does spinning and personal training
On Wednesday she does two Pilates classes
Jesus Christ. I was like STOP!!!
In fact, she only takes off one day a week.
I looked at her and was all like “holy shit?” and “what the fuck” and “I should just kill myself now” and decided that I really don’t deserve to bitch and moan because she does so much. By the way, she’s also had two knee replacements, rotator cup surgery and needs her neck done.
I realize now that I have no chance of growing old gracefully and perhaps I should just quit while I’m ahead, or behind as it were. This getting older stuff sucks. After all, if I can injure myself just getting off the couch perhaps I should just never leave my bed.
Ugggghhhh….what’s a girl (I mean old lady) to do????
Rhetorical … don’t answer