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In which i’m basically like scrooge

 

I was sitting around a few days ago with Keely and she informed me that I was basically like Scrooge because it was one day before Hanukah and 6 days before Christmas and I hadn’t done ANYTHING.  I looked around the house and indeed; it looked exactly like normal, which is to say that it looked like a nuclear device had gone off inside of it.

 

I explained that I was pretty much over the whole Christmas/Chanukah thing and that nobody needed anything and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with decorating, cooking or any of that other assorted crap.  “So what are you going to do about the fact that we’re having a mother/daughter luncheon over here on Thursday?” she asked me and I realized that SHIT! I’m going to have to do something around here to get the house together.

 

Now I only have two speeds, stop or go.  Normally I’m in stop mode, which would explain why there’s never any sustenance around here, and no bills get paid.  However, a party changes EVERYTHING.  First of all, I love parties and second of all I love having my house look GOOD for parties.

 

Especially this party as it was going to be a potluck luncheon where I basically had to do NOTHING but clean up, decorate and buy some drinks, plates and cups.

 

So, yesterday morning I got up, worked out and set to work fixing up my house.  Out came all the Christmas boxes and decorations.  Out came my Dreidal’s and Menorah’s. Out came EVERYTHING.  I looked at my garland for my fireplace, which I haven’t put up in years and I thought this could use some pizazz.  Off I went to New Garden Nursery and EVERYTHING WAS 50% off.  I bought tons of stuff and proceeded to make a beautiful creation over my mantle, which I knew that Kevin would give me copious amounts of grief for.  This is because of the “ladybug” incident of many moons ago.

 

What is the ladybug incident?  Wow, this is going to require SO MUCH EXPLAINING and possibly an entire separate post about our “bring your own ornament” party but suffice it to say that I had some decorations made, which were exorbitant and consisted of a bunch of paper Mache ladybugs.  Kevin has NEVER let me forget!

 

So, I decorated the mantle (which in my opinion looks pretty damn good), fixed up a centerpiece, got out numerous Santa’s and Snowmen and set to work “fixing” up the house.  Later Daniel and I went and got a tree so it was “beginning to look a lot like Christmas” around here.  By the end of the day, things were well under way for a decorated home.  Not only that but I had GONE SHOPPING and bought a few gifts.  (Yeah, up to that point I had bought NADA and I told the kids they weren’t getting anything)  It’s not like they’re deprived or anything, far from it!

 

The next day however, the great plan ran into a hitch.  Yup, it was the lights.  Out of about 22 strands of blue lights I had 4 working strands and 2 half working strands.  After running to 3 stores and discovering everything was pretty much sold out I said, “fuck it” basically and it’s a sparsely lit tree this year.  Of course, being that I’m Jewish and barely give a shit anyhow, I thought I should make sure Kevin was ok with this before I proceeded to the ornaments.

 

On top of that, Keely reminded me that it was Chanukah and that, in theory I’m Jewish, so wasn’t I going to make a Chanukah dinner?  Ummmm…no?  But I did.  Make dinner that is.  And it was yummy too because I made brisket and potato’s and green beans.

 

Shut up you haters!  I mean, I CAN cook, I just don’t like to.  We also lit the menorah as I had about 10 candles that I found so I figure we can celebrate the first 3 days of Chanukah.  By then I’ll be bored anyhow.  Presents?  Why no.  Didn’t I explain that my kids don’t need anything?

 

So today my goal is to finish the tree and buy the paper goods which is basically my contribution to my “pot luck” mother-daughter lunch.  We also have plans to write our annual Christmas letter.

 

Man these holidays are a lot of pressure.  The good news is that I used to be a “bad” Jew and NOW I get to be a “bad” Jew AND A “bad” Christian.  Next year? Ramadan…here I come!

 

I’m just saying …

 

 

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9 Comments

  1. Cathy Procton
    December 23, 2011

    Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah

  2. becky
    December 23, 2011

    HAPPY HOLIDAYS

  3. Pamela D Hart
    December 23, 2011

    ONE day you did ALL that! AND cooked! I’ll do a lot, I mean A LOT, but I WON’T cook. If my husband doesn’t do it or I can’t buy it pre-made or order it in, they’re getting cereal.

    You are my official heroine!
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..How To Traumatize Your Kids At ChristmasMy Profile

  4. julie
    December 23, 2011

    My brother in law is Jewish and makes a killer brisket. Yum!

  5. Melanie
    December 23, 2011

    I think it is miraculous that you decorated for a party in one day. I have a tree up and that’s it. That’s it every year. But I don’t have kids so I figure a tree is all the holiday cheer I need.

    My mom is one of those people that you walk in the house, and it looks like Santa projectile vomited all over the place. The kitchen towels are now Christmas themed. The soap dispenser in the guest bathroom is a snowman. I think growing up with all of that and thinking it was kind of useless made me decide I would only do a tree once I bought a home. Oh, and there is a snowman in the bathroom that has a motion sensor, and sings to you about going to bathroom. Yes, she has a potty snowman. *shaking head*

  6. Mayor Gia
    December 23, 2011

    Wow! When you turn it on, you really go to work!

    Also, do you know they have to FAST all day for a MONTH during Ramadan? When I learned that I went “no thank you”

    Happy holidays!
    Mayor Gia recently posted..Christmas AllieMy Profile

  7. By Word of Mouth Musings
    December 23, 2011

    “How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! “It came without packages, boxes or bags!” And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! “Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. “Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!” And what happened then…? Well…in Who-ville they say That the Grinch’s small heart Grew three sizes that day!

    at the end of the day – you are all heart ;)
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..The Christmas Story Wiki styleMy Profile

  8. Stacy - idiot mother to a 12 year old. Cool mother to 16 year old.
    January 2, 2012

    I am down to a tree,lights that work & the yearly ornaments for the girls – even though most of the time my twelve year only thinks I am an embarassing idiot – I keep buying. I have high hopes she will like me again one day – especially because she is JUST LIKE ME ) and one decoration – one. Ceramic carolers from my grandmother – kinda sentimental about that one thing only. Luckily my 16 year old thinks I am fun or I may pull all of my hair out – one single strand at at time. I think big chunks would bleed and that would involve cleanup. Thank my lucky stars I have the best husband ever – be jealous. He lets me meltdown whenever I need to. I am the grinch too – we have plans to save all christmas $ til after next year – better deals – more stuff. always thinkin……

    • Lynn
      January 2, 2012

      well, even if they eventually LIKE you they’ll still be mean. It’s like they can’t help it

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