This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i’m getting rid of Keely

 

I have decided to get rid of Keely.  It’s not that I don’t like her, its just that she’s ruining my blog.  I have had a LOT of people unsubscribe lately and I can only assume it’s because I have lost my sense of humor.

 

I’m not sure if I’ve actually lost it because I have been hilarious in a lot of inappropriate moments lately. It’s more like it’s been totally subverted by Keely’s constant and continuous sagas.  Therefore, much as I love her, I’ve told her that if it comes down to a choice between her and this blog I will have to give her up.

 

Here’s a pro and con analysis of Keely vs. the blog:

 

Time suck:

Since I started this blog almost two years ago it has sucked a lot of time from my life but I viewed that as a good thing since I had spent plenty of time doing nothing. Now I had a goal so I was doing something.  You see? Something > nothing so that’s good right?

But Keely is taking a huge amount of time because I have to nurse her. Now nothing against nursing but I barely liked taking care of my kids when they were little and I certainly don’t like it now.  Beyond that, I’ve also been changing dressings and giving painful shots to one of my kids.  I occasionally have to give my blog a shot in the arm but that’s metaphorical.  For Keely, it’s in the stomach and I can see that it’s painful so yeah, the blog is easier.

Monetary suck:

Many people, mostly the one that I’m married to, thinks that this blog sucks up money.  Now it’s true that I pay someone to host the blog, and make it pretty, and keep it working, and I have an ad and other crap but still, in a comparative sense it’s not too bad.

But Keely is costing a fortune.  Did you know that every time she goes to the hospital they charge us?  Even though they did two operations on her in one day at Duke there’s no “two for the price of one” package down there.  How do I know?  I asked.  Yep, I actually asked her vascular surgeon if you got a markdown for having a second, emergency, life saving operation.  He sort of smiled (I’m not too sure about his sense of humor.  I just met him.  The first time we met I was quite busy passing out). At any rate, they don’t have a twofer down there at Duke and I know for a fact that they are going to charge us at Wesley Long.  She is really biting into our savings.

 

Travel:

With the blog I’ve gone to Nashville, Asheville, San Diego and Miami.  I’ve met people and learned and had lots of fun drinks.  There have also been great parties.

With Keely I’ve gone to Duke Hospital and Wesley Long Hospital.  I don’t really feel the need to elaborate do you?

 

Laughter:

With the blog, I’ve met a lot of people to laugh with (and at) much of it fueled but alcohol when this happens at a conference.  I also have gotten involved with twitter and stuff so I see more funny stuff.  I’ve been enjoying myself (mostly).

Although I must admit that I laugh at Keely a lot, for the most part this situation has been no laughing matter.  I actually got scolded for laughing in the ER last week because it made Keely laugh which was painful with that little blood clot situation.  Pulmonary Embolisms are NO LAUGHING MATTER.

 

Shitstorms:

With the blog I have gotten into more than one shitstorm.  That usually involved many, many people coming to my blog and being total assholes to me.  I usually responded with a funny post.

With Keely, the shitstorms are either some medical procedure going awry or in some cases, they involve actual shit.  Once again, the blog shitstorms are better.

 

Therefore, in conclusion, I would have to say that based on these factors I will have to let Keely go.  I’m going to give her more than two weeks notice since I feel some sense of obligation to get these problems of hers fixed.  Possibly I’ll give her the summer.  At any rate, I feel this is a thorough analysis of the situation.  Let me know if you see any holes in my logic.

 

 

 

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34 Comments

  1. Name *
    June 13, 2012

    Well you do what you feel is best for you. I am not going to leave you because you are real, and life is not always rainbows and unicorns. I have a feeling you are going to get real funny as things work out for ya’ll. Hey from Alabama :)

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      awww…thanks. Things are steadily improving. Glad you’re sticking around

  2. Barb
    June 13, 2012

    I see tons of holes. Not going to be the same without Keely.

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      well, Keely wasn’t so psyched when i explained she had to leave. She pointed out that i was funny in the hospital and i almost killed her as a result….

  3. Mayor Gia
    June 13, 2012

    Keely might appeal the decision, you know. And appeals can take MONTHS…
    Mayor Gia recently posted..And Then My Mom Stole My iPhone. But Not Really.My Profile

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      hmmmm…that’s a problem

  4. Deena
    June 13, 2012

    Awwww, Keely vs. the blog! It’s a crazy cage match! ;) Hugs, Lynn!

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      a cage match! too funny

  5. By Word of Mouth Musings
    June 13, 2012

    Oooh if its a cage match, can I design outfits?
    Still hoping we mange dinner next week in NC and then this Nicaragua thing right in the middle of July is messing with my plans to visit you and assist you in your do nothing quest – altho really I will do nothing and you will fix my untechnical blog ;)
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Letters For Lucas – By Word of Mouth MusingsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      you are going to need to spend some time up here for me to fix your blog… Hopefully i’ll make it down there but who knows

  6. Amberr Meadows
    June 13, 2012

    Even when dealing with the stressful situation of your baby having a major surgery, you’ve still kept a sense of humor. If people unsubscribe, because they can’t support you in your laughter and the other moments when you just need to put whatever out there on your blog, did you really need those readers anyway? Many people connect to your blog, but we like the awesome lady who you are behind the blog, too. I also happen to think Keely is hilarious (gunpoint and thinking of ice cream, talking about seabiscuits under medication, telling you fish shit like it’s their job LOL), so you’ll at least have to give her the summer. :)

    P.S. If someone can’t deal with a slew of posts where you vent about real shit going on in your life that may not always hit the funny bone, f*ck them. Life isn’t always hilarious.

    P.S. I subscribed to your blog several weeks ago, and although I comment rarely, I always read your posts. For some reason this full-time job, parenting a 6yr old, keeping a 7 day blog schedule, freelance writing on the side, cooking dinner, and trying to be a wife is sucking up my precious blog-commenting time. Boo hoo. I am trying to remedy the first of those dilemmas, and then all the bloggers I love will see more of me. Take care in the meantime. You have plenty of supporters.

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      thanks for subscribing…i don’t really worry about the unsubscribers…i just noticed more than usual.

      oh well, i write what’s going on and what was going on was ridiculous. thanks for sticking around

  7. mara
    June 13, 2012

    If I were you, I’d ditch the kid and choose the blog. Personally, I already choose my dogs over my kids. They never ask for money.

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      hahaha…my dog is a pain in the ass too

  8. Jester Queen
    June 13, 2012

    Glad things are feeling better enough to laugh. I feel awful for poor Keely, and I’m actually following her saga quite closely. Who the hell would unsubscribe from a show when one of the primaries was struck with a blood clot in the lung? Even Seinfeld and …. um … Night Court (oops, I just dated myself and my TV watching) had hospital episodes.

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      hahaha…NIGHT COURT….too funny. Perhaps i should have had a junior mint go inside her during surgery

  9. Carla, CA
    June 13, 2012

    Thinking of you and your family and F those breezes who don’t understand reality and humor coexist. I recently had kidney stone removal through my urethra which caused me to ice my nahnah for hours. This prompted my sweet love to say finally some kinky sex….lol, I could be all hissy or laugh…..which others apparently haven’t learned how to do. Lots ofhealing energy w for your daughter and strength for your family during this time.

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      thanks…things are slowly improving and hopefully she will be on her way to good health

  10. Julie
    June 13, 2012

    Still laughing about the junior Mint ….. Anyway~I had to do the stomach shot after foot surgert #2 and#3. The Mister and The Child gave me the shots twice daily as I couldn’t bring myself to self administer. Both were gone one day and I had no choice but to inject myself. Best. Day. Ever!! It was so much easier and painless. The anxiety of waiting to get stuck proved worse that just doing it. That’s my two cents and if you’re sure about unloading Keely, ask her if she wants to move to the windy city. We’ll set her up.

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      i think Keely is just fine right here. also, no more shots (YEAHHHHHHH)

  11. Dylan
    June 13, 2012

    I can’t say that it’s because you lost your sense of humor because you still have it. If people have subscribed as a result of you pouring your heart out then I can only say that they’re being an arse.

    I appreciate your posts because they are real – you’re not out to set up a blog for the sake to just make people laugh. This is your space so you can do as you please because after all, you write for yourself, not just for the entertainment of others. Keely is a vital part of your life and what you write here is a part of your life which includes her, too.

    The thing about blogging is, sometimes, our writing style may change. They say be consistent and find your target audience but I reckon this really depends on what your intention in blogging is.

    If you have a blog to make money off of, then you need to build your brand name and brand presence by sending a clear message to your target audience. (i.e. if this blog is a humor blog with the purpose of bringing in some income, then you need to stick with that as much as possible.)

    If you blog to have your own little space to express yourself, then you are free to post as you wish. I haven’t been on your site for a long time but my impression is, this is a place where you find humor about the things you experience in your life which also includes some rather unpleasant things. But, most of what you write revolves around your family. So, to me, this is a family oriented site – with heaps of humor in it, too.

    So, if you think that people may have unsubscribed to your posts because they are not quite enchanted to read about your family’s challenges, leave them be.

    I think you are attracting other people who your site by sharing your story because after all, I am one of them.

    I wish Keely well and I do hope that you’ll post updates about her progress every now and then. I’m sure your loyal readers are interested in her well being, too.

    Cheers.
    Dylan recently posted..And With My Cane, I Part The SeasMy Profile

    • Dylan
      June 13, 2012

      Good grief. I meant to say if they have unsubscribed.
      Sigh. Note to self: Proof read, proof read, proof read.
      I was trying to make a good point. I just embarrassed myself instead.
      Blimey.

      • Lynn
        June 13, 2012

        Hahaha…thanks for the comment…and the correction

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      Thanks…I’m just going to keep doing what I’ve been doing. I was just surprised how many at one time. But, I’m not too concerned.m I just thought it was funny

      • Dylan
        June 13, 2012

        Ah, well, I say screw ’em. You’re entitled to vent and pour your heart out.
        I literally squealed ‘NOOOOOOOOO’ as the comment got posted lol. At least it ended up being quite funny, lol.

        • Lynn
          June 13, 2012

          I kinda suck responding to comments usually but I’m chilling right now. I knew what you meant anyways

  12. Dazee Dreamer
    June 13, 2012

    phew, for a minute there at the first of the post, I thought for sure you were going to say you were “nursing her”, as in, partaking of your mothers milk. mwaa-hhaa-haaa.

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      Hahahaha…actually never

  13. Patty Radish
    June 13, 2012

    We all know that your a terrific mom! If you didn’t have a sense of humor about some of the shit your family’s been through, your circus would have folded it’s tents a long time ago. To be honest, I’ve been a little more attentive to your blog since all this has been happening to you guys! I just hope Keely’s in the clear! Keep the shitstorms on the Blog!!!

    • Lynn
      June 13, 2012

      Thanks so much…I really appreciate your comment

  14. Sarah Smith
    June 14, 2012

    No keely? I would love to see this on one of those court shows lol. Keep up the good work!

  15. Melissa
    June 14, 2012

    Love you, love your blog! I will never unsubscribe, because I don’t even know how to subscribe in the first place. But, I have your site pinned, and read every post. You and Keely are an inspiration, and funny as shit! Hope she’s up and about soon.

  16. Annabelle
    June 14, 2012

    That’s too funny. And I would certainly agree that literal shitstorms are worse than figurative ones. I hope she gets well soon!

  17. Name *
    June 16, 2012

    Yeah what Dylan said, and very well said I might add. I’m not going anywhere I just found you a couple of months ago. I enjoy your writing and laughing out loud, which I don’t do often so that means you’re pretty damn funny (to me anyway). Write what you need to write and don’t worry about it. I ain’t going anywhere. Also I love, love Asheville!!!! Thanks for everything……. Kerry Mckay

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