This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i’m in a foul mood

I’m in a foul mood; A FOUL MOOD!  I’m not sure why because so many damn things are pissing me off that it’s a bit difficult to differentiate them.  It’s not like I can do some damn placebo test and remove variables one by one to see what’s the problem, you know?

 

At any rate, I’m supposed to be at the gym working out.  I really need to because my 30-year reunion for college is this weekend and honestly, I look like shit.  It’s somewhat ironic because I actually looked pretty good all winter when I saw no one and it didn’t even matter and now that I’m actually going to see people, the shit has hit the fan.

 

First of all, because of my mood, I haven’t been working out as much and when I do, I don’t even work hard.  Therefore I’ve gained weight.  Not enough for most people to notice but enough so I’m pissed about it and I don’t feel that great.  On top of that, my goddamn face is choosing THIS WEEK to break out.  Once again, you probably wouldn’t notice but I do and very frankly, it IS ALL ABOUT ME RIGHT?

 

So, I’m driving the 6 hours up to Baltimore on Friday to see a bunch of people that I haven’t seen in a really long time and I look and feel like shit.  So yeah, there’s that.

 

Then, I have this other situation that’s pissing me off that I really can’t talk about here.  Long story short, there’s something going on with somebody I know and it’s disturbing me (which in and of itself pisses me off) and yet, nothing is getting resolved because the other party says there’s no problem.  Yeah right, whatever!

 

This morning the painter was here telling me that we need all this touch up work done on the outside of our house and I’m thinking, WTF house?  It’s only 9 years old and all this maintenance and upkeep is bullshit.  BULLSHIT!  God I hate detail stuff.  Why can’t somebody else handle this crap?  I asked Kevin to but he already works about 60 hours a week and he gave me a dirty look.

 

I have a huge party here on May 24th.  Now I love giving parties but I have to get the lawn fixed up, the pool fixed up, the painting fixed up and very possibly my mental attitude fixed up before then.  That’s no small task…especially the attitude shit.  So now I have a bunch of phone calls and lists in front of me.

 

Fortunately yesterday I took care of one detail for the Reunion.  I was in charge of the playlist for the party on Saturday night.  I spent hours downloading music only to discover that a) I hate the music from that time period and b) I had downloaded 18 hours worth of music for a 3 hour party and therefore wasted a shitload on money.  Big deal you’re thinking; yeah except the music sucked to I downloaded tons of sucky tunes and THEY MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT SHIT YOU KNOW!

 

I was actually wondering how I survived all that music when I remembered that I was pretty high most of the time and therefore, not as prone to being a hater as I am now.  Perhaps I should be popping more Xanax.

 

Meanwhile, I’ve discovered that I actually like some of the people on Twitter more than I do my own friends, which is just fucking disturbing on so many levels.  Also, there are certain people I want to follow me that I can’t get to do so which kind of pisses me off.   How do I make these assholes realize how damn lucky they are to be my friend? No answer necessary; that was rhetorical.

 

Oh, and did I tell you I went to see Bill Maher and although he was awesome, he didn’t invite me up onstage? So yeah, that happened!  Also, I talk like a goddamn teenager now.  I blame my kids even though technically two of them aren’t teenagers anymore, which can only mean one thing; I’m fucking old.

 

And this blog…this BLOG!  What a pain in the ass this thing causes me mentally as I make up my mind to take it more seriously by posting this shit elsewhere and then either ignore myself or forget; same difference you know.  At any rate, if all the waffling on this blog counted as exercise I’d be an over exerciser.

 

Also, I keep losing on Words with Friends.  What you guys don’t know and is actually a secret is that sometimes, SOMETIMES, I get Daniel to help me.  He’s fucking awesome at WwF so there you are suckers…Shit, I just told my secret.

 

Ok, I actually feel a little better now.  I need some serious psychotherapy.  Also, some new friends.  Also, possibly some new drugs.  Also, someone to handle promoting me because I’m so damn bored with promoting myself and trust me, I used to be my own biggest fan.  Also, will it be chilly enough in Baltimore to wear my hooker boots? And what dress should I wear to the stupid party I’m in charge of?  Jeez…now you guys are making me uptight again.

 

I’m going to work out.  Please send me some answers…or some questions that I can answer.

 

I’m just saying…

 

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34 Comments

  1. If you want to tell your reunion to fuck off, I’m only an hour away from Baltimore… easy drive…

    In the meantime, fuck your problems. If they’re causing you anxiety, I hate them.
    Abby {at} Little Liu’s Little Ledger recently posted..63 Years…My Profile

    • P.S.: Don’t quit your blog. :(

      • Lynn
        April 28, 2011

        I’m at least good until August…not to worry.

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      hahaha…I’m ok today. I’m actually looking forward to certain aspects of the reunion; mainly seeing my swim team (I was a varsity swimmer in college) so that’ll be fun.

  2. Alison@Mama Wants This
    April 28, 2011

    If I say I love you, will that make you feel better? LOL

    You will rock at the reunion, I have faith.
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Of a lizard- strawberry sours and a fluteMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      Yeah, i’m sure it’ll be fine. It was a small college and i’m seeing some people who i haven’t seen in a long time…i’ll cheer up

  3. Julie
    April 28, 2011

    Don’t quit your blog. You don’t live in a war zone, you are not a child prostitute in Cambodia, you are not a mother in the Middle East. Now you’re probably even more depressed. Sorry. Life here still sucks in so many ways, but your blog makes it better. I loved your blog this time. Just do one thing at a time and fuck all the rest. Can I say fuck? P.S. Now we have to work out and be perfect. Last century we just had to be alive because it was so easy to croak without antibiotics. Just say screw it. Like you did in your blog. Screw it. Think how happy you’d make the other women at your reunion if you intentionally went looking like shit.

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      hahaha…thanks so much. I know i have an awesome life but sometimes i just get all bitchy and ranty and shit. It would make the other women happy if i looked bad so there’s no way in HELL i’m gonna do that. They got all the dates in college, not me, so to HELL with em.

      HAHAHA….thanks…i’m not quitting

  4. Melody
    April 28, 2011

    Believe me you’re going to get to your reunion and realize that you’re one of the best and best looking people there. Wait…did I say ONE of the best? YOu’re going to realize you’re the BEST one there. The rest of those folks are losers.

    I graduated in 75 and when they play 70s and 80s music on the radio my daughter (also not a teen anymore) hears it she loves it. I don’t like most of it and wonder what exactly I listened to then. Course you hit the nail on the head – I was high the entire time.

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      yeah, i was talking about my play list with my husband last night and i listened to The Doors and old school rock a lot. Also, New Wave a lot but i’m trying to be fair to the other people by putting all the crap they listened to in there.

      Thanks for the compliment. I’m sure i’ll have a great time.

  5. T's Mom
    April 28, 2011

    OMGGGGGGGGGGG!
    This TRULY qualifies as a RANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Relax – turn your back on the disturbances in your life and find a real cause!
    ….and so goes life – pray to recognize what you can do something about – do what you can – and leave the rest alone!
    You have more ability in your little finger than most have in their entire body!!
    Reunion will be fine – have a few drinks – laugh, cry and take a taxi!
    As a last resort – go to a spa in Arizona – all by yourself – stay for ten days – return home a new and improved person!

    and make it a great day!

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      hahaha…thanks for that…i really appreciate it

  6. MommaC
    April 28, 2011

    Methinks you need a fucking drink or 10!
    A quick trip to Margarita-ville should fix you up, at least for a little bit…

    Have fun at your reunion! Pretend you have no zits and extra weight and it’ll all be good! If you dance enough, no one will see you standing still long enough to tell anyway…

    Maryland is for Crabs! Home-state motto — gotta love it!
    [I still fit in when I go home. =]

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      Oh, I’ll be drinking! Not to worry…the people I’ll be seeing will not find it shocking that I haven’t changed…at all!

      Crabs! I’m going to a crab feast

  7. Brad Procton
    April 28, 2011

    Go….Have a great time. Forget that its been a long time….Who cares because you can be damned sure that all of the polished preening you saw with High School won’t really exist with your college group. Also you will likely be surprised by the far more friendly attitude of the people that you really didn’t like at all in school. It’s gonna be a lot more fun than you think. Keep an open mind. And the people who are gonna be assholes are gonna be assholes…..In the immortal words of Jerry Procton………Fuck em! Have a great time!

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      I’m sure I’ll have a great time…lots of swimmers going back after all!!!

  8. Kenna
    April 28, 2011

    Don’t go. If the reunion is causing you this much stress, just don’t go. You shouldn’t spend your life doing things you don’t want to do.

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      I wanna go…i just wanted to look better while doing it. I’m actually looking forward to seeing some old friends.

  9. Lady Estrogen
    April 28, 2011

    See? Don’t you feel better?
    Between me and Little Liu, you’re golden.

    What? Blogging ISN’T exercise? All this time, I’ve been counting it as such – now I guess I know why my ass has grown. I type like a MoFo on fire but apparently, it’s not burning calerories in the “problem areas”. My fingers are slender as all hell, though.
    Lady Estrogen recently posted..The Teddy Bear DivaMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      Your fingers are slender? Thank god. I do feel better and i just had a lunch with friends and feel better than even better. So there you go!

  10. Sarah Hague
    April 28, 2011

    I take magnesium tablets when I feel shitty. Shitty for no reason, that is. It’s like instant joy without keeling over or getting addicted. Well, when I say joy, that is an exaggeration. I mean more the shitty turmoil stops and the sun comes out.

    Life’s too short to stay shitty for no reason for long.
    Sarah Hague recently posted..Plein les YeuxMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      I never heard of that…i’m going to check that out

  11. Pamela D Hart
    April 28, 2011

    Holy shit, I think you out rant me on a good rant day.

    What the hell is up with adult acne anyway? I mean come on, I’ve paid my damn dues –there should be a law that after 40, no zits.

    Household Maintenance Shit: That stuff really pisses me off. Hire someone.

    Fashion advice for the reunion: Wear your hooker boots, screw the weather.

    Blog advice: Keep blogging because I need your comic relief. I’d promote you, but no one reads me, so I can’t help you in that department and I don’t tweet because if I did, I’d become addicted and never get a damn thing done (not that I get much done to begin with—but it would be even worse– like I’d wouldn’t even get out of my PJ’s worse).

    Drugs: I have extra if you need some. ;-)
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..My Slap ListMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      for better or worse, i already have a ton of drugs. I hate getting pimples and ironically, never got them when i was younger.

      I AM going to wear the hooker boots on Friday night, so there! I’m not quitting the blog…not today at least.

  12. Vegemitevix
    April 28, 2011

    Yes, that really is a RANT! LOL and don’t we all need one sometimes. I did a big one on my blog too about some moron who only wanted speakers with over 5000 subscribers (ie not mine!) Meh. And Meh! I headed off to the supermarket for mood enhancer, and felt much better. Hope you’re feeling better today too.

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      “I headed off to the supermarket for mood enhancers” hahahaha…i love that! LIke wine? or liquor (or spirits as you guys say). I did feel much better after writing all that shit down. You are awesome and thanks.

  13. Dori Jalazo
    April 28, 2011

    I am glad you are not quitting the blog. It is so honest and raw and courageous. I hope you keep feeling better. I forgot to say how funny you are even in the dark moments , which helps me a lot. I thank you, and definitely go with the hooker boots!!! You can certainly pull it off and will look fab-u-lous !!!!

    • Lynn
      April 28, 2011

      Thanks Dori! O was feeling better but I just had a huge clusterfuck develop. Nonetheless, I’m all good. Thanks

  14. RDB
    April 28, 2011

    Be sure to “Fix your hair”, “SMILE”, and take the pot brownies! You’ll have a blast!!

    • Lynn
      April 29, 2011

      Shit! I forgot the pot brownies!

  15. tmccarty
    April 28, 2011

    You KNOW what you’re supposed to wear, and I know you will look amazing!

    • Lynn
      April 29, 2011

      Hahaha…what, did I buy some clothes?

  16. Dori Jalazo
    April 29, 2011

    OK what exactly is a clusterfuck? It’s a whole new vocabulary I’m trying to learn. Drive carefully and have fun.

    • Lynn
      April 29, 2011

      Complete screwup situation in every way possible

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