This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i’m not a well girl

 During the month of October, in honor of Keely’s 21st birthday I had Keely Week.  It was a week on my blog entirely devoted to Keely.  I wanted to do that for both Andie and Daniel on their birthday weeks as well but Andie doesn’t want that.  Even though I usually ignore my children’s wishes as a matter of principle, in this case I have decided to tone it down.  You see, I have spent my life trying to embarrass Andie and now that she’s turning 20, perhaps I should stop.  I am still planning on talking a little about her though and thus begins my posting.

Like her sister Keely, Andie tried to kill me during birth and she hasn’t let up since.  I mentioned that my water broke early with Keely and I was completely unprepared to go to the hospital.  The second time around, I was a little better off because I had planned on having my parents watch Keely while I gave birth to Andie.  Andie, however had different plans.  Like her sister, she decided to make an early entrance and of course, my parents were out of town.  When my water broke at 1:00 in the morning, we called my friend Jacque who lived up the street to come down and stay with Keely, who was then 15 months old.  We also called my parents and told them to haul ass back to Greensboro from Atlanta…about a 6 hour drive. 

And so, just like the last time I had a kid, my water broke and I stalled.  Sure, I had contractions but nothing else was happening.  I wasn’t as happy about the situation as you might think and at one point early in the morning, I told Kevin he needed to do something for me.  Here’s the conversation: 

Me:                 “Kevin, go tell the nurse I’m not a well girl!” 

Kevin:             “Lynn, they already know you’re in pain.” 

Me:                 “KEVIN.  Go tell the nurse I’m not a well girl!” 

Kevin:             “Lynn, they KNOW it!” 

Me:                 “KEVIN!  GO TELL THE NURSE I’M NOT A WELL GIRL!” 

Kevin:             (huge sigh) “Fine, Lynn” 

So Kevin leaves the room and goes out to the nurse’s station.  The rest is hearsay as apparently I wasn’t a well girl. 

Kevin:             “Excuse me” 

Nurse:             “Yes?” 

Kevin:             “Um…my wife says that she’s not a well girl.” 

Nurse:             “What do you mean?” 

Kevin:             “She’s in a lot of pain.” 

Nurse:             “Of course she’s in pain, she’s in LABOR!” 

Kevin:             “Well, what should I tell her?” 

The nurse just ignored him so Kevin came back in the room where I was STILL not a well girl. 

Me:                 “Well, what did she say?” 

Kevin:             “She said that you’re in labor, of course you’re in pain.” 

Me:                 “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I NEED DRUGS!!!” 

Kevin:             “Lynn” 

Me:                 “NOW!!!!” 

So Kevin trudges out to the nurse’s station AGAIN 

Kevin:             “My wife would really like to see the doctor.” 

Nurse:             “Sir?” 

Kevin:             “REALLY, she wants to see the doctor.” 

Nurse:             (GLARE) “Ok, I’ll let him know your wife’s NOT A WELL GIRL” 

The interesting thing is that because it was a Sunday and the NFL playoffs were on, the doctor decided to stay at the hospital so he wouldn’t miss the game.  Normally, the doctor just checks in occasionally but in this case, he stayed all day since Andie didn’t pop out until 4:00 PM.  So when it came time to get my epidural, which in my opinion should have been put in at about 7 months, the OB-GYN decided to do it himself.  Now I have nothing against doctors but when they decide to do something they rarely do, it can be tricky.  In my case, my blood pressure plummeted to the point where they were worried about both Andie and I and they actually kicked Kevin out of the room.  But not to worry, even though Andie’s been trying to kill me since birth, she’s not yet succeeded.  Instead, 16 hours later they presented me with a jaundiced, 7 lb baby who was nice and cute and yellow. 

As she turns 20 this week, she’s neither nice nor yellow…but she sure is cute.   Andie pushed her way out and she’s been a force to be reckoned with ever since. Just so she doesn’t kill me, that’s all I’m going to say about this incredible, creative, artistic, sarcastic and bright child.

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22 Comments

  1. Abby
    January 18, 2011

    Aww! Tell her happy birthday! And congrats on your 20th anniversary of being a mommy of two, Lynn!

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Why thank you Abby…and I will. She is certainly a piece of work, that one!

  2. By Word of Mouth Musings
    January 18, 2011

    Funny … she sort of reminds me of someone … hmmmm ….

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      I have ABSOLUTELY no idea to whom you could be referring…

  3. myevil3yearold
    January 18, 2011

    Tell her Happy B Day!

    My son doesn’t want me to write about him either but he is such good material.

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Yeah…she doesn’t like it because her friends can read it. But yesterday she told me she didn’t care…so, who knows!!!

  4. Erin
    January 18, 2011

    I love “Andie tried to kill me during birth and she hasn’t let up since.”

    You crack my ASS UP!!!

    She sounds like a really fun kiddo!! Happy Birthday to her -and to you…you have survived so far!!! Keep up the good work:)

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Well, i just say it like it is and that is a perfectly true statement! She is a great kid, somehow…despite her crappy parenting.

  5. Lori
    January 18, 2011

    Happy Birthday to your daughter and congrats to you, her mother, for surviviing it all. It sounds like you have raised a wonderful independant thinking daughter…the best kind to have! Hope she has a spectacular day!

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Thanks…who knows if i’ve been successful. I supposed we’ll find out eventually.

  6. Andrea
    January 18, 2011

    Happy birthday to her, and what interesting and entertaining memories of the experience. ;) I’m only just meeting you – but I like you already!

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Why thank you… and she has your name Andrea. We just call her Andie…thanks for liking me! Somebody’s got to

  7. Kimberly
    January 18, 2011

    I was chuckling as I read, but I flat out snorted when I got to:

    “So when it came time to get my epidural, which in my opinion should have been put in at about 7 months…”

    Great piece.

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Yeah…if you read my first one in October about the birth of my first child, i’m all about the drugs!

  8. Renee
    January 18, 2011

    Happy birthday to Andie!
    I’m glad she hasn’t succeeded in doing you in yet. You’re so much fun to read.

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Why thank you! I’m on the phone with her right this minute…I’m not going anywhere.

  9. Sharon
    January 18, 2011

    Happy Birthday to Andie!

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Oh, thank you so much! I’m going down to have lunch with her tomorrow!

  10. Kristie
    January 18, 2011

    I hope that anesthesiologist was not someone we both know (perhaps someone living at my house!) I’m hoping it was one of his partners instead. Happy birthday to Andie and would love to see you sometime again, Lynn!

    • Lynn
      January 18, 2011

      Hahaha…I’m sure it wasn’t anybody you know. In truth, it was a long time ago! I’d love to get together,

  11. Leigh Ann
    January 19, 2011

    Oooh I had a scare like that and realized I had no back up plan for someone to come care for the twins if we had to rush to the hospital. Luckily made arrangements with a frind but never had to use her. My parents were here a few days before my planned delivery, andg I ended up going early. How do people do it with no family in town, other kids and just waiting until you go into labor???

    • Lynn
      January 19, 2011

      Yeah…I was better prepared for number two but I didn’t think she would come early too! The third time, I planned it. Finally got it right!

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