This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i’m sick of the sanctimonious assholes

You know what I’m sick of? I’m sick of all the self-righteous assholes in this country.  You know whom I’m talking about. I’m talking about the second guessing people who start condemning everyone when something happens.

 

Like the people who are saying “who would bring a kid to a midnight showing of batman?”  Like the people who blame the victim in a rape case for wearing “slutty” clothes.  Like the people who blame a shooting victim for “dressing like a thug.”

 

Yeah, those are the people I’m sick of.  I personally have never taken a kid to a midnight show. I have actually never attended a midnight show, mostly because I’m always too sleepy by midnight.  But some people have babies who sleep soundly at night.  Maybe those babies are up all day?  Maybe those people don’t have babysitters? Maybe that’s the only time those people ever get a break?

 

I’ve been in movies with infants before and as long as the kid is quiet and sleeping it doesn’t bother me.  I’ve also been in movies where the infant wakes up and cries and that annoys me because THEN it’s ruining MY movie experience.

 

Infants can’t follow the plot so who cares if it’s Batman or Cinderella.  If kids could absorb stuff like that I’d have them listen to NPR all the time.  I haven’t seen where that worked in my household.

 

Who hasn’t made mistakes?  I’ve made plenty and it’s not the mistake, it’s what you do with it that matters.  In my old house, we had a finished basement.  We had an area for the girls to play dress up and dolls and stuff and also had a workout area in it.  In the evening Kevin would go down there and get on the Stairmaster and workout and the girls would play.

 

One evening I went down there, when the girls were 3 and 4, and Kevin was watching Terminator on TV.  I was thoroughly pissed because I felt that it was “inappropriate” for them to be watching such a violent movie at that age.  And yet, it happened.  Kevin was watching the movie and he never gave it much thought.

 

We also took our kids to see “Cold Mountain” which was totally a bad idea at the time.  I had read the book and while I knew it was a bit “advanced” for them but I didn’t realize that there would be a sex scene in the movie.  People were aghast that we had young kids there and Kevin and I did damage control by covering the kids eyes but it was definitely a mistake.

 

These things happen when you’re a parent.  Every day there are decisions and often, none of the choices are perfect.

 

Case in point.  You have a sick kid who has 103 fever and you’re on the way back from the pediatricians.  You need to pick up the prescription. It’s been called in but still; you have to run in the store. What do you do if your kid has fallen asleep?  Do you wake up your sick kid and take them in for the 3 minutes it takes to pick up the meds?  Or do you lock them in the car and run into the store hoping it’s quick?  What if there’s a line?  Do you wait? Do you run outside and check on the kid? Do you wake them up?

 

Every day as a parent you have those decisions.  Who hasn’t buckled their kids up and left the house and then remembered, “Oh shit, I forgot something.”  Then you run home and you leave them in the car while you run inside and get it.  What if it’s freezing outside? Do you leave the car running?  Do you turn it off?  This stuff happens every day and every day you make choices.

 

99.9 percent of the time these things happen and there are no repercussions.  But on the .01 percent chance that something does happen, do you really need all those pontificating sanctimonious assholes telling you that you screwed up?

 

I remember when Keely was really starting to love reading that I gave her “the Prince of Tides” to read.  Now I love Pat Conroy and I love that book.  She was really stretching her wings and wanted an interesting book.  I gave her that one completely forgetting that there was a VERY GRAPHIC RAPE scene in the book.  Not just rape but male on male rape as well.

 

Of course, when she got to that scene, she was shocked.  She was 13 and didn’t even realize that boys could rape boys.  Was it inappropriate? Yes, it definitely was but what’s done is done so we discussed it.  I wish I hadn’t given her the book yet but I used it as a learning opportunity.  After all, what choice did I have?

 

Are there billions of situations out there that I’d like to butt into and say stop? Yes, there are.  Once I was at a peewee football game for Daniel and there was a family in front of me.  The child, probably around 5, was obese.  During the course of this one-hour game the kid ate popcorn, candy, soda, and hot dog and some other assorted crap.  I WAS DYING to say something to the parents about “how could you allow this to happen?” but ya now what? It wasn’t my place.  I mean, I have my own issues with my own kids and I certainly don’t need to know what YOU think I should do.

 

The point is that people make choices and they have to live with the repercussions of those choices and they sure as hell don’t need a bunch of judgmental hypocrites saying, “I told you so.”

 

What happened in Colorado was a tragedy but what really galls me is the reaction to this tragedy.  Why do we have to always assign blame?  Is it fear?  Is it the realization that each choice we make could be wrong?  I really don’t know but I do know it’s wrong and we need to stop it.

 

Just my opinion but I stand by it.

 

Lynn MacDonald

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

37 Comments

  1. Faith.The Blond.
    July 23, 2012

    I agree completely. It was a tragedy. Period. Pray for the victims, or keep them in your thoughts (or whatever you believe)…but damn it…knock off the shit of blaming people for mistakes that *you* (the sanctimonious people) have probably made yourself.

    Help where you can, when you can! That’s what this nation is KNOWN for! Helping!

    And if nothing else, look at the ones you love and TELL them you love them! Hug them! Make them cupcakes! Or cookies!

    *steps of my soap box*

    • Monica
      July 23, 2012

      Agreed. Blaming other is nothing but a sign of weakness.
      Monica recently posted..Wheatgrass Juicer coMy Profile

  2. Mayor Gia
    July 23, 2012

    I totally concur. If anything, the parents of the kids who were there were guilty of being shitty movie patrons maybe, but NOTHING ELSE. No one expects violence in a movie theater – they weren’t “endangering” their kids in any way by bringing them to a midnight showing. I mean, you know what happened, but it’s not in any way a reasonable concern to have – “Boy, i shouldn’t bring my kid to a midnight showing at a theater because people shoot those up all the time.” It’s not like they took them for a stroll in a violent part of town in the middle of the night. It was the movies.
    Mayor Gia recently posted..I’m Collecting Wine CorksMy Profile

  3. Mom Off Meth
    July 23, 2012

    A-to-the-men.

    My husband showed my young boys part of The Ring. They still haven’t mastered going downstairs alone and that was three years ago. I could have killed him, but what’s done is done. It was a dumb idea. My daughter went to Saving Private Ryan at 6 weeks. They actually had a family crying room there. That’s where we sat, because she cried. She is 14 now and totally fine.

    It’s amazing how crazy people get after a tragedy like that of CO. It was senseless and horrific. Sometimes there is no sense. No way to wrap it up to understand. Then people blame victims. It’s just sad.

  4. Dylan Lin Calista
    July 23, 2012

    You know… people seem to busy trying to pin the blame on others that they lose sight of what really matters. Where we are in society. It’s sickening.

    About a couple of months ago, a lady was raped in my neighborhood. She wanted to order a suit for a family member and this asshole tailor lead her somewhere and she got jumped. And the reaction? – ‘She’s so stupid. Why did she follow?’ and ‘What was she wearing?’ and ‘It’s her fault for being naive.’ – Such sick things to say, really.

    We need to stop focusing on the end result of things and look at the reason WHY things happen to break the cycle. That’s what I think.

    Loved this post.

    Cheers.
    Dylan Lin Calista recently posted..The Left One Is Bigger Than The Right?!?My Profile

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      that is an awful story…OMG

  5. Margaret
    July 23, 2012

    This just says it all fore, Lynn…great piece!

    • Margaret
      July 23, 2012

      Er… “for me”, not fore.

  6. Barb
    July 23, 2012

    Unfortunately I think people do this to convince themselves that it would never happen to them. They would never make that same mistake and put themselves in that situation so they are safe. It’s wrong, and does nothing to help stop this senseless violence.

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      that’s probably true but its so awful

  7. GRAMPS
    July 23, 2012

    Right on, Lynne

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      :)

  8. Lisa Sinicki
    July 23, 2012

    Thank you Lynn. This really needs to be beaten into all of our brains.

    When I read the sort of second guessing you are talking about I always hope the family members dont read the very public criticism. They have enough pain without the public condemnation.

    We had a tradgedy here a couple of summers ago. Two girls died in a kayaking accident. Facts were hot day, calm seas that changed later unexpectedly, experienced 20 year old kayaker going a mile from home on a trip she’d made dozens of times.

    When the girls didnt return, people posted comments to the newspaper website. Everything from should have warn wetsuits to criticism of the parents for allowing a 20-year old to make her own decision.

    Such harsh behavior when people are hurting.

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      thats awful…i hate that

  9. Nicole
    July 23, 2012

    Thanks for so eloquently saying the words that have been floating around in my head lately. I agree with you 100% on everything. So what if a woman took her six-year old to a midnight showing of a movie?! It doesn’t mean people should blame the parent for an unspeakable crime that some lunatic decided to pull off while they were at the movie. If that parent survives her injuries, she’s going to be feeling the worst pain imaginable – the death of a child. People need to lay off from blaming the wrong person here. The psychotic lunatic is the only person to blame for this tragedy. You said it absolutely perfectly. I truly love your post and your words. Thanks!

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      thanks to you for the kind words

  10. Jester Queen
    July 23, 2012

    I had no idea people were judging the victims. When I saw a baby was one of the victims (did it die? it was injured in the article) all I could think was “Oh god those poor parents”. And hell yes. The only time Caroline could handle the movies was when she was 3 months old and slept through it.

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      i don’t think a baby died but a 6 year old did

  11. Melanie
    July 23, 2012

    Absolutely love this post. I always say to people, “What’s right for me isn’t right for everyone else. I learn from my mistakes and hopefully other people do too.” Whenever I start to judge people in my head I really try to put myself in their shoes. It’s made me a lot less judgmental.
    Melanie recently posted..Long Distance RelationshipsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      I’m a little judgmental but i keep it to myself….

  12. Julie
    July 23, 2012

    You said it all. This post makes me love you even more (not in a weird way, don’t worry).

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      wasn’t worried but thanks

  13. Amy
    July 23, 2012

    Thank you for this… I don’t judge people, I judge peoples judge-y-ness and you just did this perfectly!

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      thanks

  14. Kelly Fox
    July 23, 2012

    That’s why the only bumper sticker I want, and would ever place on my car would read..Mind your own fucking business. Because everyone should. Because none of us have any room to judge others, nor should we. Well said!

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      Thank you…good luck with that bumper sticker

  15. Annabelle
    July 23, 2012

    It’s ridiculous to judge about something like this. To the extent that we could be caught off guard by a mentally ill person with a gun, that could happen ANYWHERE. How could you possibly predict it? Everything else is just window dressing.
    Annabelle recently posted..Trifecta: ReunionMy Profile

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      Yeah….it’s our whole society though

  16. Victoria KP
    July 23, 2012

    You probably can’t see me from here, but I’m standing here applauding. Between the people assigning blame and the people politicizing it, the tragedy of those lost lives is getting lost in the shuffle.

    • Lynn
      July 23, 2012

      You’re right….people use everything for their own agenda. Occasionally it pisses me off so i say something

  17. Angel
    July 23, 2012

    I agree.

    I know people will be putting the blame in places that aren’t where it should be laid. For example; A system that allowed someone with mental health difficulties to go unchallenged and untreated (been doing my reading here); a gun legislative nightmare which can enable people to build up and stockpile 6000 rounds of ammo, multiple handguns as well as semi automatic assault rifles most soldiers would be only too happy to have at their disposal. (Seriously? This is not the revolutionary wars, it is not the civil war, nor the wild west – you aren’t in a war on your home territory and stats prove that you are more likely to die by a gun if you have one at home than if not); and not least of all the gunman – I mean without him that 3 month old injured, would not be injured, the 6 year old dead would be in her backyard playing and the 24 year old who last month survived the Eaton Centre massacre in Toronto, Canada, would not be lying dead because of a second massacre in so many months.

    I feel compassion for all the victims. They do not stop at the 12 dead, 59 injured, their familes, friends, colleagues, acquaintances etc (ripple effects and fallout from this event will be huge) It continues to the doctors, nurses, therapists both physical and psychological, to the police and federal law enforcement officers, who never dreamed they would wake up to this nightmare and finally to the rest of the United States in general.

    It also includes the gunman’s family, friends, work colleagues etc. They never once asked for this; they didn’t raise their child or support their peer/cohort into becoming the perversion of humanity that he became – though no doubt some will blame them too. I hope they too get the support, comfort and assistance they need to continue in their lives. Heaven only knows they will be blaming themselves enough as it is.

    I leave you with one thought; I hope and pray you all in the days to come find love and comfort and peace from this heinous of circmstances.

  18. The Mommy Psychologist
    July 24, 2012

    I completely agree.

  19. […] All Fooked Up on people who second guess other people’s actions. I admit that I do this myself sometimes. And I really hate that I do. The last thing people who have experienced tragedy need is to have other people tell them that it’s their own fault that the awful thing that happened . […]

  20. Misty
    July 26, 2012

    I have to admit, I was one of the “judgers” – “who would take a baby to a midnight movie? That’s crazy that kid was even there!”. I can hear myself saying it. Thanks for putting things in perspective. Regardless of the reason the baby was there, it’s not the parents fault a crazy person started shooting everyone. Point well taken.

  21. Amy Turner
    July 27, 2012

    When my kids were still young (3 to 7 years old), we used to bring them to the movies, never trusting to leave them with anyone. It’s our own way to keep our kids safe, by having them on our side at all times. If a tragedy like this had occurred then, we would have been blamed too by our family? probably…
    Amy Turner recently posted..9 Fun Ways to Teach Your Kids about Money This SummerMy Profile

  22. Rachel
    July 27, 2012

    I 100% agree with you. Every day is a challenge as a parent. We all make mistakes, and the worse thing we can do is start blaming the parents who make mistakes, especially in this case. Parents have it hard enough as it is; we don’t need to judge those mistakes; instead hope and wish that after every mistake, the lesson is learned. The parents that brought their young children to the midnight showing probably thought about how it would affect sleep schedules for the following day, etc, but never in a million years stopped to think about a random person walking in and shooting up the place. That’s just something that NO ONE could ever be prepared for!

  23. Annette
    July 28, 2012

    I was one of those people who thought “what were they thinking?” ( kids at a midnight showing ) but the idea that they were somehow responsible for putting their kids in harm’s way never occurred to me. Horrible tragedy for all.

    Annette

Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest
Enter your Email

Recent articles


Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest




Go to All Fooked Up Store 

Lynn MacDonald Art