This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i’m the BIG picture person

 

I should be working out. Really, I should be.  I mean, it’s 8:37 and I could have been in a class already and then I’d soon be done but instead, I’m here.  At my computer.  I’d like to blame it on the fact that it’s freezing outside and I didn’t feel like going out but mostly it’s because once I begin doing shit for the day then I have to do ALL THE SHIT for the day and today’s shit that I have to do AKA “the list that Kevin GAVE me to do” is boring and no fun.

 

It all stems back to when the WASHER broke.  Remember last week the washer broke and I had to go to the LAUNDROMAT?  See here if you can’t remember.  So anyways, the washer broke and I had to go to the Laundromat so I bitched about said Laundromat so we bought a new washer but it had a best friend which was a new dryer which leads me to the current problem with I now MUST FIX which is a boring thing to do HENCE me delaying doing shit so that’s why I’m here.  Here’s what took place.

 

After the washer broke (last Monday) and I went to the Laundromat (last Monday) and did about 7 loads of laundry (last Monday) and folded them incredibly bad and wrinkly (last Monday) so everyone bitched about my laundry.

 

Meanwhile, Kevin had surgery on his shoulder (last Wednesday) and that was a boring hassle (last Wednesday) but we managed to deal with it (last Wednesday) but then the repairman came (last Wednesday) and said “YOU NEED A NEW WASHING MACHINE!”

 

No big deal right? EXCEPT IT WAS A BIG DEAL! WHY? Because I can’t just go out and buy a new washing machine.  I mean, I live with a second guesser.  Also, said second guesser is a major detail person (he’s an engineer) so I would NEVER do this by myself.  Ok, so where was I?

 

So last Thursday, I say to my doped my husband (because of the surgery on Wednesday, jeez.  Can’t you follow?) “Shit! I need to go back to the Laundromat! I hate the Laundromat” to which he replies “why don’t we just buy a new washer?”

 

Simple right?

 

So Kevin (in his doped up way) tells me to get on the computer and Google Consumer Reports and check out washers.  I do.  We decide on a Kenmore (maybe) and Kevin calls Sears and has all sorts of conversations with the sales guy.  Long story short, he tells me to go to Sears and buy said washer.  I grab Andie (who begrudgingly accompanies me to Sears) and off we go.

 

I get to Sears, all the while telling Andie stories of how I used to go to Sears with MY DAD and we arrive at the appliance section.  What a lot of pretty washer/dryer combos!

 

So I call Kevin:

 

Me:                  I’m here.  Who do I speak to?

Kevin:             Randy.  He’s whom I talked to and he knows what you need.

Me:                  Ok, any questions?

Kevin:             Check out the price thing.  And find out the top versus front loader thing,

Me:                  Ok, bye

 

And I hang up and ask ALL THE QUESTIONS and my phone rings and it’s Kevin

 

Me:                  what?

Kevin:             … and ask about laundry detergent

Me:                  what about it?

Kevin:             is there any special kind?

Me:                  am I getting a dryer too?

Kevin:             yes, have you checked out the price difference with consumer reports?

Me:                  yes, leave me alone.  I’m busy.

 

So I hang up and ask the stupid question about detergent and I straighten out the price thing and I ask about the consumer report thing and the guy says:

 

Guy:                this is the combo I talked about with your husband

Me:                  and can it be delivered tomorrow?

Guy:                yes, and it’s free delivery if you get a sears card

Me;                  I don’t want a sears card

Guy:                but you’ll save 200 plus dollars

Me:                  ok, I’ll get a sears card and I can get this tomorrow right?

Guy:                yes

Me:                  Andie, what do you think?

Andie:             I don’t care, when can we leave?

 

So I agree and pay for the washer/dryer and make ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS and go home.

 

On Friday the washer/dryer arrives and they set it up and the guy calls me in to show me how to operate it and I call Carol in (she’s there that day) and he shows Carol and I how to use the washer/dryer since I NEVER do laundry (see here) and end of story right?

 

NOPE!  Later that day Carol says, “The dryer is really slow and takes forever to dry” so I tell her I’ll check it out.

 

Fast forward to yesterday (Tuesday) and my dog practically dies therefore I have to do a load of wash MYSELF (this will be a separate post.)  I use the dryer and honestly, it sucks.  Really, I had to use 4 drying cycles.

 

Later that day Kevin comes home from his first full day back at work.

 

Me:                  Kevin, last week Carol said the dryer sucked and I used it today and yeah, it sucks.  Something must be amiss.

Kevin:             I’ll check it out

Me:                  ok

 

A few minutes later:

 

Kevin:             Lynn, I think I see the problem with the dryer.

Me:                  what is it?

Kevin:             It’s an electric dryer

Me:                  … and?

Kevin:             we had a gas dryer before

Me:                  what?  Oh yeah!

Kevin:             you didn’t get a gas dryer, this is an electric dryer

Me:                  I didn’t get a gas dryer? I bought what you told me to!

Kevin:             didn’t you remember we had a gas dryer?

Me:                  are you kidding me? I don’t remember your name half the time

Kevin:             where’s the receipt?

Me:                  Oh my god.  I cleaned up. Who knows where that is?

Kevin              find it

 

And Kevin starts calling five million sears customer service numbers

 

Me:                  Andie, daddy is going to try to blame this on me

Kevin:             ok Lynn, it looks like you bought the wrong dryer

Me:                  excuse me.  You NEVER mentioned anything about a GAS dryer

Andie:             it’s true dad, that wasn’t in the instructions you gave us

Me:                  yep, here it comes Andie

Kevin:             I was on Percocet

Me:                  yeah, which is why I didn’t want to buy a dryer when you were fucked up

Kevin:             so you’re not taking ANY of the blame?

Me:                  nope, I’m the big picture person

Kevin:             and what EXACTLY does the big picture person do?

Me:                  the big picture person says, “umm, we NEED a new dryer”

Kevin:             that’s it?

Me:                  yeah, and then the detail person, YOU

Kevin:             me?

ME:                 yeah you,… handles all the Details about exactly WHAT we buy

Kevin:             unbelievable

Me:                  yep, you fucked up

 

Meanwhile, customer service says that if I go into the store they’ll exchange the dryer for a gas dryer so that’s what I have to do today which brings me back to why I haven’t left the house to workout.

 

It’s because once I leave the house I have to handle ALL THE SHIT, which includes exchanging this dumb dryer.  Also, Kevin tried to explain yesterday (overexplainer warning) to me yesterday exactly HOW to get them to do what I want.

 

Andie:             Dad? Do you honestly think mom doesn’t know how to get what she wants?

Kevin:             yeah, I guess she does.

Me:                  yeah, I’m a master at this.  But you need to remember?

Kevin:             what?

Me:                  for future reference, I’m the big picture person.

 

So there you are.  That’s what I’m up to today.  I guess I better go to my workout and then exchange my dryer.  If not, I guess you’ll just hear about the Laundromat again.

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17 Comments

  1. Mayor Gia
    January 6, 2012

    Hahahah NONE of that is your fault. At all. If people don’t do it themselves, expect it to be fucked up. That’s my motto.
    Mayor Gia recently posted..I Made a Links Page! And other randomness.My Profile

    • Lynn
      January 6, 2012

      Exactly! You’re like my own personal cheering squad

  2. […] All Fooked Up for the rest of the […]

  3. Name *
    January 6, 2012

    LMAO. And now I am wondering how much faster a gas dryer really is? Get up, leave the house, go to the gym and then subject all of the Sears people to your nasty, sweaty self. It seems only fair since you have to do all the shit errands. I bet you would do more laundry if you put a bar in your laundry room!
    The Kidless Kronicles

    • Lynn
      January 6, 2012

      they assured me it was the same and now they’re replacing the broken one

  4. Melanie
    January 6, 2012

    I had a gas washer I had bought for this house when I moved in, ’cause I failed to notice I had an electric washer hookup. So I went and got a different washer and sold the one I had on Craigslist. This new washer bounces all over the place which I’m sure is an easy fix, but the noise it makes on spin cycle makes me laugh, and it’s not in my house so it’s not so loud. So until the neighbors complain or it no longer works, I am not touching the damn thing.

    • Lynn
      January 6, 2012

      hahaha…nice!

  5. Pamela D Hart
    January 6, 2012

    “it’s true dad, that wasn’t in the instructions you gave us”

    oh.my.gosh I almost spit my coffee all over my keyboard and screen! THAT IS PRICELESS! Too bad your washer/dryer combo wasn’t!

    Thanks for the laughs!
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..Huge Dose Of Mom GuiltMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 6, 2012

      hahaha…i’m always getting lectured but THIS TIME i take NO BLAME

  6. Julie
    January 6, 2012

    Wow. Do Kevin fuck things up like that often? He must wear you out.

    • Lynn
      January 6, 2012

      hahaha…he NEVER fucks stuff up. THat’s usually MY JOB!

  7. Lynn
    January 6, 2012

    Hahaha…my husband is like that

  8. alaina
    January 6, 2012

    AHH laundromat’s suck. Here’s hoping you get your new dryer ASAP.

    • Lynn
      January 6, 2012

      Tomorrow!!!!!

  9. CarmelaJones
    January 11, 2012

    I stand of what i believe “Once is enough, Twice is to much”..
    I love you blog post here. Love it.
    CarmelaJones recently posted..Buy 1300 numbersMy Profile

  10. Nicholle Olores
    January 31, 2012

    Ha ha ha so funny. I usually like Kevin and I can relate it actually. Electric dryer and Gas dryer are both a good stuff but I am most particular with Electric dryer. Thanks for the laughs!
    Nicholle Olores recently posted..Timber Doors BrisbaneMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2012

      my pleasure

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