This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i’m two people

I’m two people; one of them is really outgoing and engages everyone in conversation and one is totally withdrawn and will shoot you a death glare if you talk to me.  The reason I’m mentioning this is because this morning I read a post about a woman who was at the grocery store with her child and she saw an exhausted looking mom with a newborn.  Although the first mom wasn’t really blocking the aisle, she said “I’m sorry I’m in your way” hoping to engage the new mom so she could check out the baby.

 

The new mom just carried on as if she hadn’t heard the other mom and basically just blew her off.  The first mom wrote a funny post about the situation speculating if the first mom was deaf, a bitch, or some other funny reasons that she would have dissed her.

 

The thing is; I’m that second mom.  No, I’m not the mother of a newborn but I don’t engage people unless I’m in the mood.  When I’m in a great mood I talk to everyone, however when I’m tired or cranky or just self-aware, there’s practically a STAY AWAY sign on my forehead.  There’s a reason that my husband almost replaced my “You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing” bumper sticker with “Do I look like a people person to you?” and that reason is that if I don’t want to talk to you, stay the fuck away from me.  So yeah, I get that other woman’s reaction.

 

Today however, I was in a great mood.  I don’t know why because honestly, my network is turning into a huge clusterfuck and I’m thinking of going on a murderous rampage and slaughtering techies all over the area but nonetheless, I’m happy.  It could be because a friend of mine called me this morning to compliment my son on being a great friend to her son.  Honestly, among all the things that happen with my kids, when one of them is thoughtful that means a lot.

 

At any rate, I went to workout and I have a million things, not even including this stupid network, which I have to get done.  So during my workout, which was hard as shit by the way, I was thinking I gotta do this and I gotta do this and I gotta do this.  You catch my drift.

 

Immediately after my workout, I went to the post office to mail my taxes.  This is always annoying because the post office = lines.  It’s just a fact.  I was going to just throw some stamps on the large envelopes because I had no idea how much they cost to mail but then I realized I didn’t even have stamps.

 

So, I went to the post office and mailed my taxes, bought a sheet of stamps and then took off for Fresh Market (Grocery) to order 4 Briskets because I have 17 people coming to my house for Passover on Sunday. (Yes, I’m aware that Passover is on Monday but that’s really not convenient for me and anyways, all that crap happened long ago so who’s keeping track).

 

So, I’m hanging out in the Meat section (hahaha…that just sounds wrong doesn’t it) with my guys (because it’s like Cheers where everybody knows your name!  Actually, they all know me because I’m always buying prepared food from them) and we’re talking about how the preparation instructions are constantly wrong (hence, I’m always getting yelled at because dinner isn’t ready on time) and I order my briskets, decide to treat Daniel to a real dinner tonight (yeah, I’m awesome I’m aware) and then I go to checkout.

 

So, the cashier says “how are you today” and I respond, “I’m EXCELLENT!”  She asks me why and I tell her that its 9:45 and I’ve already accomplished 2 things, which are 2 things more than a normal day for me.  She laughs and I tell her I don’t have anything major to do; just a bunch of little bullshit things and I hate that and she agrees and then tells me that she’s “PHENOMENOL”!  “Wow, that’s better than me” I reply.

 

So, I pull out my credit card and realize that there are stamps in my wallet and I’ll forget to take them out of the car so I take them out to put in the grocery bag so they’ll go in the house. (I never take my wallet or keys out of the car or else I’ll lose them…now you know how to rob me! You’re welcome!)  Then some people come up behind me in line and say to the cashier “how are you?” and I inform them that she is “phenomenal” today and that I’m “Merely excellent”.  Of course, they look at me like I’ve grown a third head…ummm…. I guess a second head; I’m not a guy.

 

So, I grab my shit and go to the car and I see the cashier running out the door because of course, I forgot my stamps.  So you see, being friendly really pays off but it takes so much energy that I don’t do it all that often.

 

That’s why ¾ of the people I run into are terrified of me and the other ¼ says “Why, she’s nice!”  I’m only nice on occasion.

 

So, if you run into me on any given day, it’s a crapshoot how I’ll behave towards you.  Just thought you should know.

 

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11 Comments

  1. Katja Brown
    April 18, 2011

    I am two people too. Born a Gemini so I always have a smiling face but my serious side is never far away …

    • Lynn
      April 18, 2011

      I’m a Gemini too!

  2. liz
    April 18, 2011

    You need to wear a shirt or have a hat to put on when you’re in a mood.

    • Lynn
      April 18, 2011

      Hahaha…that’s a great idea! I’ll get all over that.

  3. Galit Breen
    April 18, 2011

    I so get this! *So* get it! Happy brisketting tonight! Yum! XO

    • Lynn
      April 18, 2011

      I know…isn’t it weird? Sometimes i’m so friendly and sometimes i’m so …. NOT!

  4. Theresa Sonoda
    April 18, 2011

    So are you saying you have mood swings, Ms MacDonald? I’m finished with menopause because I’m THAT old, and the mood swings have not subsided, but rather taken up permanent residence in my brain. Right now, I’m happy. About 5 minutes ago, I was screaming at the remote control for daring to position itself all the way across the room.

    Happy Passover, though. Not Jewish but all the food sounds scrumptious.

    • Lynn
      April 18, 2011

      I’ve had mood swings forever and they aren’t getting any better although i doubt they’re any worse! Actually, lately i’ve been in a shit mood so i’m surprised that i’m still blogging.

      The food at Passover is awesome and we actually did ours last night…not the right night but whatever…i’m not to concerned with the whole calendar situation.

  5. Name *
    April 18, 2011

    Hope you had a blessed Passover meal. We do get rewards for being nice to others, but sometimes it’s just not possible! First time here, enjoyed my visit!

    • Lynn
      April 18, 2011

      Thanks so much and thanks for stopping by!

    • Lynn
      April 18, 2011

      Thank you for the wishes and thank you for stopping by!

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