This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which it could be the last day of my life

 

It’s 9:50 on what could be the last day of my life.  Well, I suppose that IN THEORY any day could be the last day of your life but today, my entire body is in pain.  AM I SICK? NOPE!  At least not physically, I might be sick in the head because the idea of a PERSONAL TRAINER seemed like a good one.

 

Now that I’m two weeks and 4 half an hour sessions into it I’m beginning to wonder.  Today, when Julie asked me how my arms were feeling I made the mistake of saying “not too bad.”

 

LYNN, YOU DUMBSHIT!!!! This is where being an honest person sucks because as my “personal trainer” Julie took that to mean “Boy, we aren’t killing Lynn anywhere near enough.”  See, I’m pretty sure they “weren’t too bad” because I’ve spent the previous two days just sitting around, feeling sorry for myself and stretching.  I certainly didn’t mean that as a statement of “gee, I wish I was WORKING HARDER!”

 

Nonetheless, that’s exactly what happened.  It’s constantly amazing to me how personal trainers come up with new and different ways to kill you on a daily basis.  I’ve had 4 sessions now and I haven’t repeated a single exercise, which means I’ve had 120 minutes of different grueling experiences.  I have never been so happy to see 30 minutes go by.

 

Unfortunately, I was signed up for a spin class immediately afterwards which Julie informed me would be “climbing” and “not that difficult” but apparently, she didn’t take the fact that I COULDN’T EVEN STRETCH MY ARMS OUT TO THE HANDLEBARS under consideration.  The class is a mere 50 minutes long but from about the 5 minute mark onwards I was thinking “how much shit will I get if I just get off this goddamn bike and walk out?”  “Is that negating the entire point of getting in shape?”  “Can I really make this?” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN INCREASE THE TENSION?  I’M FUCKING DYING HERE!”

 

Thankfully, not a single one of those thoughts leaked out of my mouth, possibly because I was so damn tired that I couldn’t use any more muscles including the mouth ones.  By the way, it wasn’t an easy class; it was a damned difficult class.

 

So now I’m home trying to figure out if I can manage the energy to shower.  I have a shrink appointment in an hour and if that’s anything like my training session, I figure I’ll just curl up into a ball and die.

 

Meanwhile, I’m reading college application essays; NO, NOT FOR FUN, for Daniel.  Although I swore I wouldn’t do this, I’m in full harassment mode with him now.  Daniel, have you finished your application? Daniel, have you written your essays? Daniel, have you turned in your forms to the Guidance Office? Daniel, what’s up with that scholarship application?

Yeah, like that.  In a way I kind of wish he’d still be here next year because he’s so easy to have around but he needs to move on with his life. Also, that’s one less person for me to worry about feeding to YES!!! for that.

 

Unfortunately, Andie reminded me yesterday that Keely will be graduating this spring and there’s a GOOD CHANCE she’ll be living at home next year.  I think I threw up in my mouth after she said that.  OMG!  Tell me there’s no way that’ll happen.  Keely is actually having surgery, probably in May, and will be on crutches for 3-4 months so she is living here all summer.  I’m a little concerned about being nice for 3-4 months in a row already so if it stretches beyond that I’m screwed.  It’s so much easier when they just “drop by” and I’m not really prepared to have a 22-year-old girl back in the house.  (IF you’re reading this Keely, which is unlikely, I still kinda love you)

 

So being an empty nester is looking further and further away.  I know Keely will get a job though; we just have to get her body fixed first which is a bit problematic.

 

So there you are.  That’s what’s going on in my head.  Daniel is at school and both girls are still at Duke.  Next week Keely comes home, Daniel is out of school and eventually Andie will be home too so you can look forward to 3 weeks of me bitching and moaning about my kids destroying my peace of mind.

 

Oh, of course, that assumes that I won’t die from the body pain today of personal training.  If I don’t, there’s always next week; after all I signed up for 10 sessions.

 

See ya!

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18 Comments

  1. Dad Blog Tork
    December 12, 2011

    nice to know ya… body trainer.. gawd, i’ve got one of those. It comes in liquid form and tastes like beer.

    So far it’s training my body to be whatever shape it likes :-)
    Dad Blog Tork recently posted..15 Gift Ideas For Dad This XmasMy Profile

    • Lynn
      December 12, 2011

      Well, that’s what I’m trying to change…the shape it’s in isn’t exactly the shape I want it to be

  2. Vidya Sury
    December 12, 2011

    I remember my first day of aerobics class. By the time evening came, I thought I was going to die. I slept over it and woke up in the morning to find I was dead. No – what woke me up was the fact that I wouldn’t get my three-month refund back if I didn’t go. :-)
    Vidya Sury recently posted..SentimentalMy Profile

    • Lynn
      December 12, 2011

      Yeah…that’s the good thing about paying in advance…

      I’m still going…just in a hurting way

  3. Lori
    December 12, 2011

    ACK! I feel ya on the body pain. Keep going…you’ll be glad you did (somewhere, sometime…I just know it!) :)
    Can totally relate on the Daniel comment…I swore this summer that I would not get involved my son’s college app process but after weeks of inactivity on the college front, hours and hours on xbox and going out with friends I couldn’t take it anymore and gave him a drop dead deadline. Apps are done but scholarships…well that’s not looking too good. :)

    • Lynn
      December 12, 2011

      three apps left, one scholarship left too! we’re in the middle of exams now though

      • Lori
        December 12, 2011

        Oh! Don’t even get me started on “studying for exams”…my son spent time calculating the minimum grade he could get on each of his exams to keep his current grade in the class and ultimately decided he didn’t “need” to study because his grade wasn’t likely to change. God forbid you should want to IMPROVE your grade. Sheesh. :)

        • Lynn
          December 12, 2011

          i have done nothing but bitch as well…i have two girls already in college and NEVER went through this NEVER!!!

  4. Pamela D Hart
    December 12, 2011

    I’m beginning to wonder if Julie and your kids are in cahoots with one another. If Julie doesn’t kill you, your kids will drive you insane. If I had to pick, I’d go with the kids, at least you can blog from a padded cell.
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..Easy Christmas Decorating TipsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      December 12, 2011

      i have good kids but they REALLY know how to push my buttons

  5. Missy | Literal Mom
    December 12, 2011

    My spinning class kills me a little bit every week. Actually 3 times a week. Am I crazy? Apparently!

    • Lynn
      December 12, 2011

      i spin and do pilates and recumbent bike and i am personal training and i STILL look like shit

  6. Lady Estrogen
    December 12, 2011

    I’m evil because I took a little pleasure in reading of your fitness pain. HAHAHA
    Lady Estrogen recently posted..My Humble Dysfunctions? Yes, please!My Profile

    • Lynn
      December 12, 2011

      nah…you’re just evil in SPITE of my fitness pain

  7. Gwendolyn Francis
    December 12, 2011

    Well, you might be in pain but think of it as an investment to a healthier more physically (and emotionally) fit you! The benefits of exercise are ENORMOUS but I probably don’t have to tell you that!

    Last year I was in the best shape of my life: ran a half marathon, lifted weights, did yoga and stretching every day. Then…I dated a chef and proceeded to eat the best food of my life but in the process stopped exercising and gained 30lbs. Now I’m lucky if I can stagger around the dog park to walk my pooch.

    SO, nothing a little advil and/or perhaps a glass of wine (muscle relaxer) can’t help with.

    Sincerely,
    Fat Ass Francis

    • Lynn
      December 12, 2011

      Hahaha…thanks fat ass Francis!!
      I already did work out every day, I’m just working out much harder now!!! Can’t you have a happy medium????

  8. Mayor Gia
    December 12, 2011

    You can do it! Sure, I’m saying that from my super comfy couch with a bottle of wine and some chocolate, but I believe in you!!
    Mayor Gia recently posted..Boyfriend is in New Orleans and I’m Super Worried for Numerous ReasonsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      December 12, 2011

      I’m actually sitting on my couch as I read this and thanks for your belief. I’m still hanging in there!!

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