This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
“Lynn, this is Tuesday”
That’s pretty indicative of my week thus far. Let me explain:
Yesterday, Monday, I woke up and the first thing I saw was a text from Daniel on my phone, which said the following:
Went to ER for thumb laceration tn. No tendon damage they think thankfully. Stitched up and ok now.
That text was sent at 5:41 AM and I thought it was funny and typical. Why my kids have to send me texts in the middle of the night so I’ll wake up to them I’ll never know. First, even if I was concerned (I wasn’t really) I couldn’t speak to Daniel because the chances of him EVER being up before 12 are slim and especially since he was obviously at the ER until 5:41. Second, if he had never told me until he was able to actually speak to me I would never even have to have a moment’s thought about it. What’s up with that???
Anyways, I told him to call when he woke up and eventually he did. Apparently he had a “bagel”-slicing slicing incident (I’ve had one too) which involved slicing his thumb in a major way. It produced copious amounts of blood and resulted in 14 stitches. Of course, we’re going on vacation in 9 days so hopefully they’ll be out by then.
Like I said … typical Daniel. I mean I had just spoken to him Sunday for the first time in over a week due to a “lost” or “misplaced” phone.
So that happened …
Then today I got up and I had my breakfast (Isagenix milkshake) and coffee and I sat around on the couch waiting for my Pilates class. Every Wednesday I take a class called “your ass is mine” which concentrates, surprisingly, on the BUTT!!! IT’s hard y’all!!!
I left to go to the class and I had to get the dry cleaning and I was trying to figure out whether I time before or I should just wait until afterwards but then I decided to get to class early. Because I have a key (cuz I’m a very important client) to the studio, I let myself in and set up. I was stretching and then it was 9:25 and still nobody but me was there.
Finally around 9:27 I hear someone at the door and in walks Jenna and another chick. Now I like Jenna but she’s not my normal instructor for this class so I ask her if she’s teaching today instead of Amanda?
She looks at me like I’m nuts (which I kind of am but that’s not really relevant to the story) and asks what class I’m talking about? I tell her “your ass is mine” and she says
“Lynn, this is Tuesday” which is shorthand for “you’re a moron” and “your fucking class is on Wednesday” and “by the way did I mention you were a moron” and also “WTF are you doing here?”
Then I realize that FUCK, THIS IS TUESDAY which means:
BUT … Now I finally have a funny story right?????
Yeah … so I’m not sure how this week is going to go down. I’m not optimistic.