This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which it won’t go away

Yeah, yeah. I know you’re intrigued and you’re asking yourself, “why is there a picture of a loaf of bread on this woman’s blog?”  Well, it’s NOT just a picture of a loaf of bread. It’s a picture of a loaf of bread that HASN’T been sealed up and put away.  Even as I write this, little bits of moisture are evaporating out of that bread so that by the time it gets eaten, it will be STALE.  Then I will get bitched at for having stale bread in the house.  Like I went to the store and looked in the “stale bread” section or something.
 
I’d like to tell you that this is an isolated case but alas, it isn’t.  Just yesterday I asked Daniel MacDonald who is 17 years old, “how many hours do you think that bread will sit out there before it closes itself up and put’s itself away?”  Shockingly enough, the response was “Oh, is the bread still out?”  Well yeah, it is. After all, the little clean up fairy was taking the day off and doing whatever the hell she does on her day off, therefore NOBODY put the bread away.  “Daniel, get your ass in the kitchen and put the bread away,” replied somebody who shall remain nameless but was very possibly the young man’s mother.
 
So, yeah, back to the picture.  Its 1:14 pm and I just walked into the kitchen and GUESS WHAT? The bread was sitting on the counter in the condition you see above.  My incredibly smart “A” student son once again left the damn bread out on the counter.  And here’s where I go off on my little rant.  How is it that kids can remember the most random facts about sports or history or whatever and yet, on a daily basis, they can’t seem to put stuff away? It’s not just bread. Cereal boxes are another example.  My kids eat cereal.  Always have.  The reasons for this are numerous but I suppose the most important reason is that they have a shit mother.  I grew up eating cereal and the only time my mom made us breakfast was before swim meets.  I survived, and therefore I’m sure they will too.  My kids got pancakes on the weekends because it was something they did with their dad but during the week, they got up on their own, made their beds, came down and had breakfast…all on their own.  It was bad enough that I had to fix them lunch, there was no way in hell I was fixing them breakfast too!  After all, I had to suck down enough coffee to be able to function for another day so I was pretty damn busy.
 
Any way, they all manage to get the cereal out but never get it back to where it belongs.  It’s somewhat ironic because if they pour out the cereal, isn’t the box, in fact, getting lighter?  Shouldn’t it actually be easier to put it away?  I would think so, but apparently I’m wrong.  This is just one of the many things that drive me crazy on a daily basis and trust me, I’m not that many steps removed from crazy already.  
 
You know what else drives me nuts with the cereal boxes?  When my kids start getting towards the bottom of the old box, they’ll just open a new one.  But will they tell me this and throw the old one away?  No.  On these occasions they WILL put the box away so when I decide to go to the grocery store, I look in the cabinet and see all the boxes and I don’t buy any new cereal.  Sure enough, the next morning, there’s tragedy because there’s no cereal. “But what about those two boxes?” I ask.  “They’re empty,” say the kids.  “Then why are they in there?” I ask.  This seems like a reasonable question to me.  Do they ever admit it’s because they’re too goddamn lazy to throw them away and put them in recycling?  Nope, that would be too easy.  So now my kids are starving because, in fact, I have no cereal and somehow this is all MY FAULT.
 
I just wanted to share these little examples with you because I know that all these little things drive you nuts and I wanted to let you know that apparently, no matter how old your kids are, there’s no end in sight.
 
I’m just saying…

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29 Comments

  1. Kristine
    December 27, 2010

    OMG I should not laugh because my daughter does the same thing with cereal. She will leave the last little bit of the bag,(because it’s stale. Helps when you close the bag or at least scrunch it down). Pops the stale cereal back in the cupboard and gives me shit when there isn’t fresh stuff to open. Helloooooo?? There are 6 boxes of cereal in the cupboard? But Mom…it’s tale and I’m not eating it.
    Got news for ya kid…
    ROFL!

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      I know….my kids drive me nuts with all the stuff they leave out. Somehow it’s all MY FAULT! Thanks for reading!

      • Kristine
        December 27, 2010

        It’s the mom’s fault for everything! ROFL!

        • Lynn
          December 27, 2010

          I know, right? Apparently I’m so damn stupid I’m surprised I’ve made it this long. Hahaha…thanks form the comment

  2. Marinka
    December 27, 2010

    Unfortunately, I can relate. My big thing is the empty container of milk in the fridge. And how shocked everyone is that no milk comes out of it.

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      Yeah….that and orange juice. Where’s the milkman when you need him? Thanks for the comment…kids!!!!!

  3. Erin
    December 27, 2010

    I am your kids. I am the irresponsible non-putter-awayer person in our house – even my 2 year old has better “clean-up, clean up” skills than me…

    I occasionally stuff wrappers in the cushions of the couch…when my hubs catches me he says in disgust, “Er, you DO know that YOU are the adult now…and we are the ones that have to clean that shit up, right???”

    Ooops.

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      That is tooooo funny. I’m not great at stuff like cleaning but I always KP my areas when I’m done.

  4. Donna
    December 27, 2010

    Oh my. Kids. My favorite is trying to find something but not really looking. My reply. It’s not going to jump out and bite you on the nose. I even use that one with the big ole guys I work with.

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      That’s a good one too…”mom I can’t find it and I’ve looked EVERYWHERE!”. Hahaha

  5. Vivi Borne
    December 27, 2010

    Just yelled about the bread this morning…

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      Hahaha…yeah, I didn’t think I was the only one. That’s funny though.

  6. Kimberly
    December 27, 2010

    I’m so relieved to know I’m not the only parent with children with at least average IQ scores who don’t wrap the bread and put empty cereal boxes away in the pantry. Mine also do this with crackers. It’s kind of a miracle that we don’t have uninvited critter roommates.

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      Yeah…being a lazy slob has absolutely no correlation with IQ. Crackers….I forgot about those…and pretzels, chips, etc.

  7. Cheryl
    December 27, 2010

    Haha! I hear you! And what is it with leaving the trash items on the counter, just above the trash can? Or the paper plate with remains from lunch that sits on the counter RIGHT NEXT TO the green waste container? And don’t get me started on how many times I go through the trash to pull out the recycling and green waste stuff. UGH!

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      It’s scary how endless the list is, isn’t it? Hahaha…leaving trash next to the trashcan…that’s a good one too!

  8. Theresa Sonoda
    December 27, 2010

    Correctamundo. There is no end in sight. Mine are 28 and 37 and when they come home, “all of the above” mentioned irritants………and then some.

    Terri

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      Excellent…something to look forward too! Absolutely no change..EVER!!

  9. Renee
    December 27, 2010

    Sadly, I have no kids in the house anymore. But.
    Hubby dear is so guilty of open boxes, baggies and half gone cereal.
    My biggest bitch? Empty milk jug in the sink. The trash can is, for god’s sake, next to the damn sink.

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      Not even 5 minutes ago I rinsed an empty milk carton and put it in recycling…it’s crazy!

  10. Sharon Heg
    December 27, 2010

    Hubby is the slob on our house. He takes a certain medicine where each dose is individually wrapped and every freakin’ day he leaves me a “present” of the empty wrapper. Along with, of course, the crumbs from the sandwich he made in the middle of the night…you know, the one where the knife that he used is laying on the sponge (so the sink will stay cleaner?) instead of in the dishwasher. Sigh…;-)

    • Lynn
      December 27, 2010

      Hahaha…I know what you mean. Every morning there’s the coffee scoop and sweet n low packages just sitting there…in a pile…somehow, not jumping into the garbage.

      • Sharon Heg
        December 27, 2010

        In the Heg House, it’s his Equal packages. And, again, the spoon he stirs his coffee with goes on the sponge, too…giving it even more cooties. if that was humanly possible. Thank god we’re able to have “His” and “Hers” bathrooms or I’d have more “seat left up,” “pee on the bowl,” “whiskers in the sink” and, of course, “cap off the toothpaste” stories to tell, too.

        • Lynn
          December 28, 2010

          No seat up problems in this household…my boys are WELL TRAINED!

  11. Sharon Heg
    December 28, 2010

    Ah….unfortunately, Mama & Papa Heg did not train Mr. Sharon so well…and I prefer to choose my battles. So we’ve always had 2 bathrooms wherever we’ve lived and then, unless we’re having company, I don’t care what state “his” bathroom is in ;-). If I can’t get him to not put icky utensils on the sponge, how am I going to get him to put the seat down? After wiping it, no less? Not gonna happen. But I love him anyway ;-)

  12. Leigh Ann
    December 29, 2010

    Are you living in my house? Chip bags with crumbs in them, practically empty cereal boxes…you name it. But guess what? My kids are all under 3, so I am ashamed.

    My hubs had to get toilet paper holders in which I could just slide the roll on as opposed to having to take out the thingy, put the roll on, and pop it back in. Because otherwise it would never ever ever get changed. That’s my one and only flaw.

    • Lynn
      December 29, 2010

      Hahaha…news flash. Things will never improve. I just got my cat back from surgery because she ate the elastic from around some candy that my kids, age 21, 19 and 17, left lying around. So, things never improve. Good thinking on the TP rolls. I just let the roll sit on top of the roller until it’s so small it slips through. Then I get a new roll. Hahaha…welcome aboard my blog!

  13. The Batty Broad
    April 10, 2011

    This is one of the mysteries of life. I often just leave random things on the floor to see how many times someone will step over them rather than pick them up. My favorite is how they think that I have psychic powers and am able to tell when we are out of things and then therefore purchase more before I go to use it and it’s all gone. Or how my uterus is somehow a tracking device which can locate shoes, keys, clothing, missing papers and various other sundry items.

    • Lynn
      April 10, 2011

      I know what you mean about knowing things need to be bought by osmosis. You should read my house rules. Look for the on the search!

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