This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which it’s like imperialism in our garden

Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know I just had another conversation with Daniel on Monday but whatever, get over it! And also this was obviously written last Friday so just deal with that as well.  It’s not like I can just put them up the day I write them,  now can I? CAN I?


Today is Good Friday and Kevin went into work to catch up so it’s only Daniel and myself around the house.  Last night at lacrosse practice, Daniel fell and hurt his arm so he’s been lying around in pain ever since.  I got a brace and put it on him but I decided he should have an x-ray anyways so at 2:30 we took off for the doctor.

 

I think I’ve explained before that Daniel and I are incapable of normal conversation so here’s what we discussed on the way to the doctor.

 

Me:                  Find a radio station.

 

Daniel:            OK.

 

Me:                  What song is that?

 

Daniel:            It’s the end of a song with a lot of words at the beginning.

 

Me:                  It’s like that Biggie Smalls song you downloaded?

 

Daniel:            What song?

 

Me:                  The one where he’s so pissed off because nobody is listening to him.

 

Daniel:            That’s a great song!

 

Me:                  No it’s not…it goes “do doo doo doo” and then he bitches about nobody liking him.  I would’ve shot him too given the chance.

 

Daniel:            Are you kidding me? That song is great?

 

Me:                  Isn’t Biggie Smalls the Notorious B.I.G.?

 

Daniel:            Yeah, he got shot in that whole East Coast/West coast thing.

 

Me:                  Yeah, with Tupac…what was that all about?

 

Daniel:            I WIKI’ed it all.  It was all a big feud. P. Diddy was part of it too.

 

Me:                  His music sucks.  I don’t even understand what’s up with him as a rapper.   And why does he keep changing his name? What’s up with that?

 

Daniel:            Biggie Smalls died in his arms.

 

 

And then we arrived at the doctors and we had to go in to get an x-ray and all that assorted shit.  As we were leaving, we started discussing the feud again.

 

Me:                  How did the feud start anyways?

 

Daniel:            One of them wrote some lyrics and the other one took it personally like it was about him and then the whole east coast west coast thing started.

 

Me:                  Are you kidding me? That’s so stupid…didn’t those guys go to kindergarten and learn the whole “sticks and stones will break my bones thing…”

 

Daniel:            Yeah, they probably went to kindergarten and a few years more and then they dropped out.

 

Me:                  Hahaha.  The whole thing is ridiculous.  I wanted to be a rapper but I didn’t want to get shot.

 

Daniel:            When Tupac got shot Biggie wrote a song called “Who shot you” and Tupac got all upset about it and then it escalated from there.

 

Me:                  Why do all these rappers shoot each other?  If I was going to shoot somebody, I think I’d like to use a crossbow.  You never hear of a rapper shooting anybody with a crossbow.

 

Daniel:            That’s really old school…killing with a crossbow.

 

Me:                  Hey, when we get home you can do a guest post with me about this conversation.

 

Daniel:            No.

 

Me:                  Yeah, you can help me remember it all.

 

Daniel:            I have my AP US History exam coming up on Tuesday; I need to at least get up to the Revolutionary War today.

 

Me:                  You know we won that war.

 

Daniel:            Great mom, now you spoiled it for me.

 

Me:                  Hahaha…sorry, you know they never used crossbows in that war either.

 

Daniel:            Yeah, it’s a pity

 

Me:                  Hey, do you want to stop and pick up food for dinner since Daddy and I are going out.

 

Daniel:            Sure.

 

Me:                  Now I’ve done three nice mothering things for you today.

 

Daniel:            What are they?

 

Me:                  Well, I took you in to make sure your arm wasn’t broken.  I bought you some dinner for tonight and I talked to you.

 

Daniel:            Wow. That’s amazing mom, you’re counting “you talked to me?”

 

Me:                  Go ahead and admit it; I’m an incredible mom.

 

Daniel:            You know what mom? In spite of your best efforts to prove otherwise, you actually are a good mom.

 

AND THEN I DIED…no I didn’t.  Actually, at this point we were pulling into our driveway and I stopped the car.

 

Me:                  Daniel. Look over there at those wildflowers of mine.

 

Daniel:            Yeah, and…

 

Me:                  See those two purple wildflowers.

 

Daniel:            Yeah.

 

Me:                  This entire bed used to be those purple wildflowers and then those stupid white daisies completely took over.

 

Daniel:            I remember when the whole bed was purple.

 

Me:                  That’s an example of white imperialism in our garden

 

Daniel:            Hey mom, sometimes you CAN BE FUNNY.

 

And there you are!

 

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11 Comments

  1. Alison@Mama Wants This
    April 29, 2011

    Your son is as funny as you are!

    OK, you’re funnier. Just slightly. :-)

    • Lynn
      April 29, 2011

      Uh oh…I’m not telling him that. He’s already smarter than me!

  2. Pamela D Hart
    April 29, 2011

    Hey, thanks for the East/West Coast history, I had no idea about that whole f’ed up situation. And YEAH, you! Three nice things and Daniel admitted you’re a GOOD mom! Now to get the others on board–got a plan for that?
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..They Found Me!My Profile

    • Lynn
      April 29, 2011

      Always there to give all the history of Rap feuds. Glad I could be of service

  3. SoberJulie
    April 29, 2011

    Now that is high praise.

    • Lynn
      April 29, 2011

      And rare….extremely rare

  4. Jessica
    April 29, 2011

    I love that you counted talking to him as something nice you have done for him. I would have told my kids the same thing too.

    • Lynn
      April 29, 2011

      Well yeah…communication with a child…CHECK!

  5. julie
    April 29, 2011

    You look like one of the housewives of orange county with that blonde dye job. You need to dye it back and take a better photo. You look like a poodle. A funny poodle though and one we love.

  6. Erin
    April 30, 2011

    LOVE this convo….I soooo often wish that I could record the interaction between me and my monkey’s – the stuff they say…the way they say it – I LOVE IT!!

    I heart Daniel – you done good:)
    Erin recently posted..Maybe Its Just a Little PeeMy Profile

    • Lynn
      April 30, 2011

      Thanks…I love the little guy!!!

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