This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which it’s my birthday


So, today is June 20th which also happens to be my birthday.  I could write a post on how I’ve grown up or changed but that’s stupid and boring and probably not true.  I also thought about writing a post on how I’m so fucking old but I really don’t want to dwell on that either.  I can say that I’m 53 which is a prime number and I really like prime numbers but that’s about the only good thing I have to say about being this old.
Very frankly, it’s been a stressful period and I don’t really feel like reflecting on all the shit that’s gone down so instead I’ve decided to repost my favorite thing about the last year.  I don’t feel like I’ve really accomplished all that much in my life; certainly not what I was capable of, but one thing I did accomplish was I think I’ve been a good mom.  My Christmas Present from my kids was 100 things they loved about their mom and dad and I’ve decided that since it’s my birthday and I can do whatever the hell I want that I’m going to reprint 100 reasons why my kids love me.


Some of you have read it and some of you haven’t.  No matter.  It’s my birthday so here goes:



100 reasons why we love mom:

  1. …because she loves Lee Adama….

  2. …because she bakes the best cookies…

  3. …because she lets us eat all the dough before she actually bakes them…

  4.  …because her call sign is Fudgsicle…

  5. …because she gets motion sick playing Halo…

  6. …because of the whiney voice…

  7. …because it’s part of her charm…

  8. …because Sunday is her day off…

  9. …because she’s taking off the rest of December (and maybe January too)…

  10.  …because she’s backed into the garage door three times…

  11. …because all meals are homemade somewhere

  12. …because she puts money in her jeans and forgets about it

  13. …because she gets excited when she finds it in those jeans a long time later

  14. …because she can’t remember any conversations right for her blog…

  15. …because she can’t remember that incident a week ago…

  16. …because she can’t remember the beginning of the book she just finished

  17. …because she can’t remember the reason that came before this one

  18. …because she invented the Martyr Starter Kit

  19.  …because she has a best friend application…

  20. because people actually filled out that application

  21. …because her blog’s name is based on Braveheart

  22. …because her phone case has BSG on it…

  23. .…because she got hustled by old ladies at Mahjong

  24. …because her sexy walk is good enough to land her a spot on the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders…

  25. …because she will NEVER know how to use commas…

  26.  …because she’s so cute

  27. …because she wears tight pants and huge shirts (many of which have holes in them)

  28. …because she hides chocolate from herself

  29. …because she then steals everyone else’s Toblerone bars on Christmas

  30. …because she suggests good books

  31. …because she only does 1% of the work

  32. …because sometimes the 1% is JUST TOO HARD

  33. …because she lets Andie yell at her on the phone

  34.  …because she gave us tan skin…

  35.  …because she’s saving up her niceness for when Keely is incapacitated for four months…

  36. .…because she passed out when Keely needed help getting back in bed because of her vagus nerve…

  37. …because she has Hooker boots…

  38.  …because she wishes she was a surfer

  39. …because she wishes she was a spy

  40. …because she can’t be a spy due to the vagus nerve…

  41. …because she wishes she was a rapper

  42. …because TI was her ring tone

  43. …because she can’t be a rapper because it might hurt her shoulder…

  44.  …because she has a bullet wound…

  45.  …because she wishes she were Starbuck…

  46. …(because Starbuck wouldn’t call; Starbuck wouldn’t call anybody)

  47. …because if she were Starbuck she would end up with Lee (and not as a metaphorical pigeon)

  48. …because she thinks her feet are perfect

  49.  …because she’s always asking us if we’re thinking about her

  50. …because she always asks if our friends miss her

  51. …because she doesn’t always understand what’s socially acceptable and what’s no

  52. …because Tucker is obsessed with her…

  53. .…because of her three redeeming features

  54. …because she met the REO Speedwagon singer on an airplane

  55. …because she reads of fan fiction

  56. …because she did stand-up comedy…

  57.  …because she kept threatening to quit her job and then she got fired…

  58. …because she got a different job in a Chinese restaurant

  59. …because of the pot brownies

  60.  …because people told her she was too weird to do shrooms with

  61. …because she still wants to do shrooms

  62. …because she googled “how to rip someone’s heart out of their chest”…

  63.  …because she laughs the hardest at her own jokes…

  64. .…because she likes apocalypse movies…

  65. …because she likes to watch them and plan what she would do in that situation

  66. …because she wishes she had a particular set of skills…

  67. …because she read the Hunger Games first…

  68. …because she had mad skills at Tetris on gameboy

  69. …because of good-luck beanie babies at swim meets

  70. …because she always came to all of Keely’s swim meets

  71. …because she always came to all of Andie’s field hockey games and tournaments, even when they were away

  72. …because she’s funniest in the bleachers

  73. …because she and Andie found the best Mexican food EVER when they were in California

  74. …because she likes to silently feel superior

  75. …because she couldn’t keep Cum Laude a secret

  76. …because she loves Pandora’s Box and jigsaw puzzles

  77. …because she loves Mahjong Tiles

  78. …because she loves Spider Solitaire

  79. .…because she ordered pepperoni pizzas to a dinner at the Temple

  80. …because she cannot sing the Spiderman song

  81. …because she CAN sing the Phantom of the Opera

  82. …because when she sang Phantom of the Opera it made Keely pee…

  83. …because she always upgrades…

  84. …because she wants to be a professional talk show GUEST…

  85. …because she wants to kill someone with a crossbow…

  86.  …because she really wants to go skeet shooting for some reason…

  87. .…because she bowls overhand (like the most interesting man in the world)

  88. …because she is more attractive than a Swedish whore…

  89. …because “an oxen in a glass store”…

  90.   …because she pronounced “hyperbole” as “hi-per-bowl”

  91. …because she’s an underexplainer…

  92. …because she never completes dad’s lists

  93. …because she made up a bunch of House Rules that have never been followed

  94. …because she almost burned down Laurie’s new kitchen in London…

  95. …because even though we don’t like it, she has kept her blog going for over a year

  96. …because she paints and sculpts

  97. …because her personality is still there and she’s more than just an empty husk…

  98.  …because it’s too hard being Christian

  99. …because it’s also hard being Jewish…

  100. …because no matter what, and despite her protests, we know she loves us (but don’t tell anyone).



Keely, Andie,

and Daniel

I love this list and it makes me so damn happy.  Hope y’all have a great day!

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  1. Anne Carter
    June 20, 2012

    Happy Birthday. I enjoy reading your post.
    Anne Carter recently posted..Products for a Healthier YouMy Profile

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      why thank you

  2. Sarah Cohen
    June 20, 2012

    Happy Birthday. I enjoy reading your post. We really love our mom.
    Sarah Cohen recently posted..Revitol Products that workMy Profile

  3. myevil3yearold
    June 20, 2012

    The list is awesome. I can’t wait until my kids grow up and say cool things about me.
    myevil3yearold recently posted..We are Okay and I am So SorryMy Profile

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      it was such a good gift … that’s why i’m reprinting it

  4. By Word of Mouth Musings
    June 20, 2012

    I love this list and you …. Happy Birthday to one of the best things to come out of my blogging career!
    On a side note, I am still taking you shopping and burning some of those holey shirts, even if you plan on wearing them with Hooker Boots …
    and thank you for not making me fill out an application when I met you, had there been the stuff on there, I would have failed.

    Heart you xxx
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Memories Captured. The Fountain of Youth.My Profile

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      i love you too…thanks for being my pal

  5. Margaret M..
    June 20, 2012

    Happy Birthday Lynn! I love the list! They are all special qualities – I particularly like the ones about being you being an “underexplainer” and that you always upgrade. I would like to know how you make the upgrades happen!!! Your kids really love you and you are a great mom! p.s. 53 is the new 43.

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      hahaha…the new 43. Now I feel so much better. thanks for the wishes

  6. Julie
    June 20, 2012

    Happy Birthday. I hope you ate two pieces of cake.

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      not quite yet…it’s the morning

  7. Astra
    June 20, 2012

    Wow! Happy Birthday! Is the Martyr Starter Kit available online yet???

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      hahaha…i should make that available…not yet

  8. Annabelle
    June 20, 2012

    Love the list. Happy Birthday! Hope your next year is less full of stressful stuff.

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      thanks…me too

  9. Meghan @JaMonkey
    June 20, 2012

    Happy Birthday Lynn!!! Have an awesome day!

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      thank you Meghan…you too

  10. Dylan Lin Calista
    June 20, 2012

    LOL aww. Happy, happy birthday! I LOVE the list, haha. Certainly made me giggle.

    I hope you treat yourself to something real nice, perhaps a massage to soothe your muscles from that Pilates class you had :)


    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      thanks…I’m having a fun lunch

  11. Kerry McKay
    June 20, 2012

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Your kids are great and you are a great mom!!! Personally I like #59 :) Just sayin’

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      #59 was seriously one of the funniest things EVER!!! thanks for the bday wishes

  12. Jester Queen
    June 20, 2012

    Happy Birthday! You’ve got some awesome kids when they aren’t dragging you to therapy, nearly dying in the hospital or dumping fish on you. I want to know more about pizza in the Temple.

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      hahaha…i didn’t realize that pepperoni wasn’t kosher and i ordered a bunch of pepperoni pizzas. boy were they mad

  13. Melanie
    June 20, 2012

    Happy birthday!!

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      thank you

  14. Sandy Rose
    June 20, 2012

    Happy Birthday! I recently turned 43 which is sounding a whole lot better after Margaret M.’s comment! Regarding number 88, are we to believe that “Swedish Whore” is the ultimate in beauty which we should all strive for? I’d like to see the Barbie based on that!
    Have a great one or an ok one – it’s up to you, go Shorty – it’s your birthday!

  15. Amberr Meadows
    June 20, 2012

    Happy birthday!! Hope you pamper yourself all day long!

  16. Amy
    June 20, 2012

    Happy birthday Lynn! Incredibly happy that I get a dose of you daily. And #68 reminded me that oh so many years ago, the boys bought me my own game boy because I kept taking theirs after they went to sleep. It’s yellow. I still have it. Quite possibly my favorite present ever.

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      i lost my gameboy and my tetris game

      • Amy
        June 20, 2012

        I lost Tetris but still have Dr. Mario which is Tetris with different colored pills. Nothing like playing with drugs. I’ll let you play with mine.

  17. ann
    June 20, 2012

    I’m so glad Amy introduced me to your blog. You literally make me laugh every since time you post. It’s refreshing to have someone just post whatever they hell they want and if you don’t like it – too bad. What a lovely gift from your kids. Hope you have a FABULOUS Birthday….and today – it’s your day. I suggest you go get Fooked Up and have a blast! LOL!

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      why thank you Ann…hope to meet you sometime when i’m out there

  18. Liz D
    June 20, 2012

    Happy Birthday!!!
    Liz D recently posted..Need To ReadMy Profile

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012


  19. FFW
    June 20, 2012

    OMG, HBD, AFU!

    Srsly, though. I hope this year (hell, this MONTH) gets better and better for you and our fam.

    • Lynn
      June 20, 2012

      i appreciate it…thanks

  20. thegirlfriendmom
    June 20, 2012

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY and what a sweet post.

  21. Dee
    June 21, 2012

    Happy Birthday, hope you had a good day!!

  22. Barb
    June 21, 2012

    Happy Birthday! (day late and dollar short – story of my life)

  23. Sarah Centrella
    June 22, 2012

    love it… June 20th is my bday too, and i was stressed out as shit, but then decided to let it go an be glad i got another year (after i go get some botox and get wasted this weekend)… HAPPY BIRTHDAY to us!

    • Lynn
      June 23, 2012

      happy birthday!!!

  24. Marti J.John
    June 24, 2012

    The list is awesome. I enjoy reading your post. We really love our mom.

  25. Sharon Precourt
    June 25, 2012

    Happy birthday. We must love our mom. It is important that we know how special our mom to us.
    Sharon Precourt recently posted..3 Tips For Using Forex Day Trading SystemsMy Profile

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