This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which Keely has baby-doll hands

I just had a conversation with Keely that I asked her to type up!

Hello to all readers of All Fooked Up. It is I, the eldest and most fantastic daughter of Lynn MacDonald, Keely (also known as “the Gift”). My mother has bullied me and forced me into writing a guest post for this thing (guess that’s what I get for coming home for spring break – definitely going on a cruise next year!), and so here I am. Not only has she abducted me and sat me on the couch to write this thing, she has even specified precisely what she wants to write about. And so we come to the main point of this whole charade: she has decided we are going to write about my (adorably) super-small hands.

Yes, they are small. I don’t know why, but they are probably the smallest hands you’ll find on a 21-year-old ever. But they are awesome and type super fast, so not many complaints here. So here we go – she wants to butcher yet another conversation we’ve had by putting it on this site, skewed words and all. You guys psyched? I’m sure you’re all just brimming with enthusiasm right now…

Oh, my mom has just interjected. She’s all like, “You’re a jerk, Keely. That’s not what I wanted you to type!” and I’m all like, “LET ME OFF THIS COUCH NOW YOU KNAVE!” … Except not quite like that. But just imagine. She wants to relate this story to you. I’ll mimic her blogging here (though with immeasurably better syntax, of course). We are coming back from running errands (against my will), and since it is Monday, the garbage and recycling cans are out on the street, just chilling as garbage cans are prone to do. So Mother Dearest stops the car and says to me,

Mom:               “Can you bring the garbage cans down from the street?”

As much as I’d just loooove to help out here, this really exceeds my physical exertion level. But I mean, as the golden child that I am, I will give it a try.

Keely:             “YES MOTHER, I WOULD LOVE TO DO MOST ANYTHING TO HELP YOU OUT!!”

And I hop out of the car. Okay, she is protesting right now. She says that apparently I told her,

Keely:             “I’ll bring one down. Which one do you want me to bring?”

Mom:               “No, Daniel always brings them both down. Use one for each hand.”

Has she seen my hands? My two hands make up approximately the size of a normal person’s hand. And therefore how can I possibly bring down two garbage cans when I don’t have four Keely-sized hands? That’d be like holding on to each garbage can with half a hand, which I have never heard of and I feel confident you haven’t either.

So Mother Dearest is pulling the car into the garage and shouting at me to miraculously grow two more hands (or bring down both cans, it could have been either since they’re pretty much the same thing), and I’m all like, “That’s impossible, I go to college and know these things.” Then I brought down the one can, and made my mom get the other one… But I offered to walk with her, so that makes up for it. We’ve also made a brilliant discovery: Daniel is much better at doing chores than I am, and therefore we should stick with him when it comes to bringing down the garbage cans!

I just read this out loud to Mother Dearest and she says that’s not what happened at all. Her memory is bad, though, so I can refute this fact by saying that she probably doesn’t remember. To appease her, however, I will tell you what she is now repeating over and over on the couch next to me.  She is saying, “I give up. Keely, you are truly a gift.”

And so ends my guest posting, and hopefully my career as a garbage-can-bringer-downer. Unless I somehow manage to sprout new hands, guess we’ll see. STAY POSTED!

Ok, Lynn Here.  I’m not sure that this is a completely accurate depiction of the incident except for the fact that Keely does have baby-doll hands.  And she is lazy as shit!

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28 Comments

  1. Cathy Procton
    March 9, 2011

    (-:

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Well, she does have small hands but still, she could have brought down both cans…she’s ridiculous!

  2. Lady Estrogen
    March 9, 2011

    Ah, I needed that laugh. Thanks.
    Is spring break over yet? LOL

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Hahaha…I leave Friday to go to LA so for me…I have two more days with her. For the most part, when she’s an only child which she is all day since her brother is in school, she’s a delight.

  3. Karen
    March 9, 2011

    Hilarious, Keely! I understand the small hands. I have smallish hands too. I have to make two trips up and down our mountanously steep driveway to take the trashcans up and down once a week…can’t get my hubby to do it (lazy troll). Hope you’ll guest blog again sometime, you are a delight

    Karen
    lilmuna.blogspot.com

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Really? So you really can’t grip both garbage cans? Don’t encourage that child.

      She is funny though….both my girls are. She just won’t feed into my blog thing as she says. However, I did enjoy her interpretation of the events with the cans.

  4. Leighann
    March 9, 2011

    This is hilarious.
    Also?
    I would have done anything to get out of taking out garbage too and still do.

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      well, she is a PRO at getting out of stuff but she does have abnormally small hands. She doesn’t seem to do much else around here either but when i bitch at her she says would you rather have an “A” student or one who does chores? why do i have to chose?

  5. shell
    March 9, 2011

    So funny! I don’t have super small hands, but I have little fingers. My husband always says he wants to see if he can snap my pinky fingers b/c they are so small. Nice, huh?

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      hahaha…we make fun of all sorts of little things like that too! next time i see you i’m checking out those pinkies and we will see how small they really are!

  6. Pamela D. Hart
    March 9, 2011

    I guess it’s much better to have a teenager, who was BORN with tiny hands, than an adult, (that would be moi) who won’t do anything that could…er…break a FAKE nail!

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Hahaha…KEELY hates doing work and would do anything to get out of it but yeah, she really does have tiny hands…and a tiny effort for chores.

  7. KLZ
    March 9, 2011

    If you learn to sprout hands at college, I’m going to be kinda pissed. Because I paid good money at my college and they never taught me anything nearly so useful. So, I’d better not hear about any biological advances from you.

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Well, she’s a junior and hasn’t learned how to sprout hands yet so we are still waiting.

  8. Jessica
    March 9, 2011

    And I’m all like this was hilarious.

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Keely is basking in all this adoration…and asking me too make her some cookie batter too!

  9. Sharon Heg
    March 9, 2011

    Sorry, but I bet I have you beat in the “small hands” category. Now granted, I’m at a distinct advantage…or perhaps it’s a disadvantage…in that I’m only 4’6.5″ tall. So if I had huge hands (or feet bigger than a Kids’ 13 shoe), I’d probably look really weird. But from the tip of my middle finger to the first crease of my wrist, it is just shy 6″. And you, oh small-handed Keely?
    Sharon Heg recently posted..Flash Mob Much Part 2My Profile

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Well, keely is about 5’5″ or 5’6″ so her hands are very small for her size…however, it is possible your hands are smaller

  10. Shirley
    March 9, 2011

    How funny! I would love some pointers on getting out of work of any kind.
    My hands are small, but not abnormally so, so that isn’t a good excuse for me.
    Any ideas?

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Here’s the thing…it’s easy to get out of work when you don’t give a shit about it…or so it seems in her case. She’s an expert at avoiding work…

  11. liz
    March 9, 2011

    man, she is SO your daughter!

    i was “hearing” keely telling this with your voice, lynn.

    • Lynn
      March 9, 2011

      Hahaha…yeah, and I have two of them like that! It was fun though although a week is a long, long time for her to be here!

  12. Dina
    March 9, 2011

    Looks like sense of humor is hereditary, this was very funny–I would even venture to say lol and I hate saying lol.

    • Lynn
      March 10, 2011

      I never say LOL either! I always type in hahahaha. I think a sense of humor is hereditary and can certainly be developed. Thanks for commenting!

  13. Pixi
    March 10, 2011

    That was great!! Hahaha

    I can play a guitar but can’t hold a super sized soda cup, and don’t know why that is, but can relate to the smallish hands too.

    • Lynn
      March 10, 2011

      a supersize soda cup! hahaha..they are huge! that’s too funny…my hands are completely normal

  14. another keelys mom
    April 9, 2011

    This sounds just like my Keely in 13 years!

    • Lynn
      April 9, 2011

      Hahaha…poor you then cuz that girls a trip! So you have a keely huh? Unusual to say the least! Many other Keely stories on this blog…check them out

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