This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which left and right are confusing


 

Once upon a time…okay, well actually over Christmas last month, Keely, Andie, Keely’s friend Hunter and I were sitting around and shooting the shit.  It was getting late and I suggested that we move our conversation to a place where we could find some lunch so, since there is rarely any food in my house, we went out to eat.  Of course, being the amazing hostess that I am, I invited Hunter to accompany us.  He had just finished eating breakfast but decided he would still go with us anyways so Andie and I got into my car and Keely rode to the restaurant with Hunter.

 

Andie and I arrived first and got in line and when Keely and Hunter got there, I asked what the delay was.  Here was Hunter’s explanation:

 

“Well, we got to the end of your street and I asked Keely if we were going left or right.  Keely told me to ‘hold on’ and then she put both her hands up in the air like this. (Then he holds his hands in the air and makes his thumbs and pointer fingers perpendicular so the hand on the left creates an L and the hand on the right is obviously the mirror image of an L).   She looks at the left one and the right one and she says ‘go right.’  I asked her if she really didn’t know her left from her right and she said ‘not without doing that.’”

 

Of course, this was typical Keely so we all laughed at her and moved on and this brings us to today.  I was at my computer this morning around 10 when I received a phone call from Andie (who was out celebrating her 20th birthday last night). 

 

“I hurt myself Mom,” she says.  

 

Exasperated, I say, “you’re kidding me!” because if you might recall, she broke her arm in October and then Keely broke her toe in November.   

 

“What did you hurt?” I asked.  

 

“My arm…and my toe” she responded.  

 

“You’re kidding!  BOTH of them?  Do you think they’re broken?”  

 

“I’m not sure but I have to go to Bio Lab so I’ll send you pictures (of course she will, I have a collection of broken appendages on my cell phone) and I’ll get Keely to bring me a brace and maybe bring me home later for an X-ray.”  

 

“Ok Andie, just let me know so I can call the doctor.”

 

Well, needless to say that after this phone call, I couldn’t get the flow back and I stopped what I was doing and tried to figure out how to break the news to my husband.  He was pissed and wanted to know “what the hell was wrong with our kids?”  I have no answer to that rhetorical question.  At any rate, I just met Keely and Andie at the orthopedic place and lo and behold, neither the toe nor the arm was broken.  This right there is a minor miracle.  Her arm does hurt however, and a brace was recommended.  I just happen have a huge collection of braces at home and went through them before the appointment but I could only find XS braces or S right hand braces.  I needed a Small Left Hand brace.

 

When I was discussing this later with the girls, Keely said that she had thought that she had a small left hand brace and indeed, had brought it over to Andie to try on.  At this point, Andie interrupted her and said “Mom, let me tell you this story PLEASE!”

 

“Okay.  What’s the story?”

 

“So Keely comes over to pick me up and she brought me a brace.  She tells me it’s for the left hand and I try to put it on and I can’t.  She tells me to try again and I can’t get the damn thing on. It just won’t fit.  Keely grabs the brace, puts it on her hand and says ‘See Andie, this fits perfectly!  I don’t know what your problem is!’  So I say ‘Keely, you have that brace on your right arm!’”

 

At which point we all crack up because YEAH, that’s Keely for you.  She literally can’t tell her right from her left.  So what’s the point of this story?  THE POINT OF THIS STORY IS THAT KEELY IS 21 YEARS OLD AND CAN’T TELL HER RIGHT FROM HER LEFT!  I literally could write an entire blog, every DAMN day, on the misadventures of Keely MacDonald but I won’t.  I’m just saying…

 

 

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32 Comments

  1. myevil3yearold
    February 25, 2011

    Hilarious! I have tackled this issue with my seven year old a few years ago. But, I always had problems remembering. My theory is because I am left handed. Left handed people have to do so mnay things right handed because everything is made for a right handed person that it screws up your mind on your dominant hand. So, is she left handed, maye?

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      No, she’s not. She’s an incredibly idiotic, yet lovable and bright, Junior at Duke with a great GPA! Go figure…

  2. lotus79
    February 25, 2011

    Nevermind, I am 31 years old and can’t tell left from right! (As an aside, if someone asks me left or right in a car… I just say “that way” and point. ;)

    (an myevil3yearold, I’m right-handed so I just messed up your theory I think)

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      hahaha…yeah, i guess some people just don’t get it…although honestly, that kid is a knucklehead in general…oh the stories i could (and will) tell

  3. Casey Freeland
    February 25, 2011

    I remember into my early teens, I would sometimes think about which hand I used to say the pledge of allegiance, mentally, to remember which was my right. I guess I don’t do that anymore, so there is hope for her. :-)

    Cheers!

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      we shall see… this story is merely the tip of the iceberg with that child. however, she does keep us amused so i suppose we will keep her

  4. Ellen and Ken
    February 25, 2011

    Just send Keely on to Bill Maher

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      that would be just my luck that Keely got on but that i didn’t…hahaha

  5. Lady Estrogen
    February 25, 2011

    Ahhhh…. I was going to say poor kid… but she’s 20… poor lady! hahaha.
    We often have Left/Right issues and I’m constantly quoting Indiana Jones:
    NO, MY RIGHT! YOUR — OTHER — RIGHT! WE ARE GOING TO DIE!

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      Hahaha..to someone like me with a great sense of direction, and who actually knows her left from her right…
      I find the whole thing ludicrous …however, she’s a nut so we will keep her

  6. Dara
    February 25, 2011

    I also don’t know my left from my right. And I’m really offended at you making me sound like a moron. So I’m going to go away and never read your blog again.
    No, really, I am.
    What are you planning on posting later?

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      hahaha…well, my daughter is pretty offended that i always make her sound like a moron as well so grab a ticket and stand in line. Here’s the thing…i can’t make you sound like a moron…only you can do that.

      hahaha…well, i post monday through friday…i will be posting my standup unless i suck…in which case, i’ll still probably post it.

      • Dara Squires
        February 25, 2011

        So if I take a ticket and stand in line, does that put me in the running for a giveaway of any sort. Like some Bill Maher tickets or something? Cause if not, I’m not going to waste my time.
        I love sucky stand-up. So maybe I will come back. Perhaps. Only if it *really* sucks though.

        • Lynn
          February 25, 2011

          well, first of all…Bill Maher did not respond to my incredible plea…I’m really not sure why. Second of all, i’m not a giveaway type of gal. So, if you’re looking for handouts, other than 3 kids that i will gladly give away, i got nuttin!

  7. Carla E. Knight
    February 25, 2011

    I’m right-handed, 62, and get lost going out of my driveway. I have been this way all of my life. I can’t tell left from right, up from down, and I certainly can’t read a map unless I turn it so the map is going the same way the car is going. You should see me trying aerobic dancing. Hah! I am also dyslexic. I’m glad my mother decided to keep me, because for a while there they thought I was retarded. Turns out, I’m not such a dummy after all, but some people are just spatially challenged I guess.

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      well, i don’t care that keely doesn’t know her left from her right…i just like to make fun of her for it. Spatially challenged, that must be it!

  8. kate
    February 25, 2011

    I have no concept of right and left. I was great when I was 2, but it was like a parlor trick. (also I really wanted to square dance, but that’s another story.) I blame dancing ballet for nearly 15 years, because we usually used on-stage, off-stage, up-stage and down-stage instead of right and left so that our cheorography was mirror.

    Plus, I really don’t care. I this was and that way and mock people who can’t read my mind. :D

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      Hahaha…I occasionally mock people myself. So when people ask for directions, you just say go upstage for about a mile and stop?

      • kate
        February 25, 2011

        Kinda, actually, because if you hit the turn signal up it points right and down is for left. I just really need people to trust me, which pretty much never happens cuz I have no sense of direction in addition to no knowing left and right.

        • Lynn
          February 25, 2011

          well, if you can memorize that then i suppose you’re good to go.

        • Sarah
          February 25, 2011

          See now that confused me for a few minutes because my car doesn’t work like that. Up is left and down is right!

          Then it occurred to me that of course my car is backwards because I’m Australian and drive on the left. Duh. (see, *almost 32* and still confused by left/right)

          • Lynn
            February 25, 2011

            hahaha..i didn’t realize that you lived in Australia…i’m so psyched that i know an Australian now!

  9. Jessica
    February 25, 2011

    I’m almost 30 and I still have trouble telling my right from left. Is that bad????? I blame it on my mommy brain.

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      apparently, that is not atypical…at least that’s what they’re telling me in this comment section!

  10. Gloria
    February 25, 2011

    I have no problem with left or right (as we say in Greece: garlic to the left, onion to the right) but I am usually having trouble at orientating myself.
    I have found ways to orientate myself, like marking buildings or signs, but many a time I have been lost in the streets of Soho in London, with my mom right behind me shouting “I am getting tired here, do you have any idea where we’re going?”
    But I’ve managed to tour Paris by foot with a help of a map.

    Thank God for GPS on mobiles!!!

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      Yeah…its not just the left and right, she’s just a knucklehead of a kid!

  11. Name *
    February 25, 2011

    Believe it or not, I’m 40 and can’t tell mine apart either. I do the little L sign with my hand any time I need to do directions. My family and friends say things like, at the light, take a passenger side. Or hand a driver’s side at the stop sign.
    I actually read somewhere it can be a developmental stage that was skipped. So, I’m thinking if we’re skipping stuff, we’re probably extra advanced, we directionally challenged folks.

    • Lynn
      February 25, 2011

      hahaha…so i gather that she will always be like that? that is so damn funny

  12. liz
    February 26, 2011

    whoa! this is nearly unbelievable! I’d be teasing her mercilessly, too!

    How did stand up go?

    • Lynn
      February 26, 2011

      we do tease her…ALL THE TIME…

      the stand up went great although i have no desire to EVER do it again

  13. Sharon Heg
    February 26, 2011

    Want to hear a secret? Occupational Therapists are NOTORIOUS for not knowing their left from their right. I’ve been on this earth for almost 45 years and have been an OT for over 21 of those years and to this day, if I have to identify right or left, chances are only 50/50 that I’ll get it right.

    • Lynn
      February 26, 2011

      hahaha…that’s pretty funny. as it turns out, apparently a LOT of people don’t know their left from their right. I had no idea so i stand corrected. I’m still not going to be nice to Keely…i mean, i tease my kids and so what?

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