This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which my desk is a mess

I’m sitting here at my desk, looking around and it’s a mess.  There is a huge pile to the right that is completely medical in nature.  What is it?  I’m not sure since I don’t think I’ve actually opened an envelope in a month.  I’m assuming it’s lots of stuff from Duke Hospital reminding me that I’m stupid and a) I either already paid for something so they’re reimbursing me or b) I haven’t paid yet so I should go ahead and pay so that they can then send it to insurance so that they’ll realize I didn’t need to pay it and then they’ll yell at me and then they’ll reimburse me.   Of course, it could be something important like “Dear Mrs. MacDonald, you are seriously too stupid to remain with our insurance company anymore so Cigna will be dumping you from our ranks of the confused, and yet somehow figuring it out, customers.  We suggest you go join forces with Wyle E. Coyote…you’re obviously of similar brain function.”

At any rate, my husband walked into the office (my office in my opinion) and said that he felt the pile was getting pretty big and shouldn’t I “deal” with it before too long?  I explained that I’ve been busy with my new business (blogging) and I don’t have time for such petty details any more in my life.  For some reason, that earned a dirty look.

To the right of the very large medical pile is a huge pile of Christmas cards where everyone looks happy and healthy and I’m wondering why everybody else’s kids manage to get together in one picture and look happy.   I used to put all the Christmas pictures in my photo album but I am, in fact, three years behind in this quest so I suppose I’ll just shove those pictures in with all the other lapsed things in my life.  Perhaps I should have an “I’m too lazy to deal with this shit file.”

And to the left, you guessed it, bills and shit.  Lots and lots of them.  Yesterday, Andie asked me if I could go to the bank to deposit some checks for her.  I wasn’t happy but I agreed and I see that I actually have a bunch of checks to deposit for myself … from September.  So I’m not sure I’m really on top of all this paperwork.

And then there are taxes.  I just received a gigantic package from our accountant.  I know what it is because well, he sends one every year.  Yup, it’s a worksheet.  I hate it.  I have to organize taxes and all sorts of shit for 5 individuals and it’s time consuming and irritating, not to mention boring as hell.  And it gives me a backache because I have to sit on the floor and put things in different piles.

So as you can tell, my office is a mess and there is a hell of a lot to do.  So what am I doing?  Why, I’m writing this post bitching about all the shit I SHOULD be doing but I don’t want to.  I hate paperwork, I hate bills, I hate insurance, I hate taxes and I’m pretty sure that I could find better uses of my time.

For example, I need to take my cat to the vet to have the staples taken out of her stomach due to the fact that she tried to kill herself on Christmas Day by eating elastic string.  Or, I could be cleaning my house which looks like a nuclear device went off in it due to the fact that I had two girls attached to the couches for three weeks with exploding blankets, pillows and the works.  Or, I could take a shower since I just got back from a workout.  Or, I could read a book since I just discovered that I’ve only read 32 out of the 100 books on the BBC’s “everyone should read these, so why haven’t you” list.  Or, I could take my dog out for a walk before the impending snowstorm that has already cancelled school but in fact, hasn’t begun yet, begins.  Or, I could tell you that if you like this blog that you should like my Facebook fan page, consider following me on Networked Blogs, Google Friends, or with an RSS feed and tell all your friends about me.  Or, I could just stop typing…

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38 Comments

  1. Rebecca @ Unexplained X2
    January 28, 2011

    I love this post…maybe this is why Husband doesn’t let me have an office. Or maybe it’s because we don’t have enough rooms…whatever. This is exactly what my desk would look like if I had one. Never thought you’d have someone living vicariously through your mess, huh?

    I have no idea where I found your blog, but I love love love the name. Good luck continuing your procrastination!

    • Lynn
      January 28, 2011

      Well thank you for finding me. I actually think I say what everybody is thinking…I’m just a pain in the ass whom says it. Thanks for commenting

  2. Just Margaret
    January 28, 2011

    My desk was a mess–piled high with crap (not just papers, either) and I found the magic solution! I bought another desk.

    Guess what that one looks like now…*gulp*

    I have a problem.

    • Just Margaret
      January 28, 2011

      and…I went without life insurance for two years (really freaking my husband out) because I lost the papers each year. Turns out, they were *on* the desk, both times. Bright side? I’m still alive–what a money saver!

      • Lynn
        January 28, 2011

        Hahaha…that’s terrible!

    • Lynn
      January 28, 2011

      No matter where I go…all that crap is still there! I have issues too!

  3. Marinka
    January 28, 2011

    It’s always a mistake to stop typing.

    • Lynn
      January 28, 2011

      Yeah…then you have to look around and see all that shit you need to do…but, I ignored it and walked away! Some would read my blog and say it was a mistake to start typing…

  4. Kimberly
    January 28, 2011

    Oh my gawd…your office sounds like mine. Every now and again I get a wild hair up my butt and get it all squared away, and swear to myself that I’ll never let it get that bad again…and by the next weekend, there’s a pile in the inbox, receipts to file…seriously, one could go postal with all the paper crap that has to be dealt with.

    But whatever you do, don’t stop typing. I’d miss your madness. :)

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2011

      Not to worry…I’m not going anywhere…and neither is my madness!!!

  5. Toni
    January 29, 2011

    I think you just described my office. Have you been spying on me?

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2011

      Hahaha…nope! I guess we are just all the same…I just said it first. Thanks for reading

  6. Karla Telega
    January 29, 2011

    I finally shredded bills yesterday. I feel your pain. My recycling pile is a spot on the floor next to my chair. Usually the dog chews up the papers before I can bag them.

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2011

      Well…at least the dog doesn’t get jammed up like my shredder did…then it died. I hate paperwork. Just sayin…

  7. Sharon
    January 29, 2011

    Lynn,
    You know what I like most about this post, it is a reflection of me. . . sitting next to a stack of paperwork that needs to be sorted through, organized, and dealt with. But I will go to great lengths, including making this comment longer than it should be to put off those things which are so boring they give me a headache!

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2011

      Yeah…we are probably all the same…I guess I just admit to all my screw ups

  8. Gloria
    January 29, 2011

    Hahaha! I’d say a messy desk shows character. Always busy, always with so many things to do that there is no time to tidy up!

    I have found the perfect solution: I have no desk! My laptop is on the coffee table and I’ve got a little table by the window where I dump all bills, letters and shit. Every couple of months, I shred them and the little table is empty, ready to welcome more… But you wouldn’t call this a desk, since there is no chair to sit on, or room to work on, right? LOL.

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2011

      that IS a perfect solution. Unfortunately, before i had an office, all the stuff ended up in the kitchen so then it was even more difficult to avoid. At least now i have somewhere to dump all the crap, right?

  9. Wendi
    January 29, 2011

    Go read a book!

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2011

      Hahaha…I am! UNmarketing by @unmarketing. Hahaha…thanks for reading

  10. Deb @ San Diego Momma
    January 29, 2011

    This should make you feel better:
    I moved into my house 18 months ago and never even unpacked my desk and its contents. So I just throw the new shit on top of the old, unpacked shit and my office looks like it should be in a hoarder house.
    And by “office,” I mean “place where I blog.”

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2011

      Hahaha…thats so damn funny. I concede, you win! I just have loads of unpaid bills and financial stuff laying around.

  11. Nicki
    January 29, 2011

    I have a plastic file hanging in the stairwell of the basement that is my “shit I have no intentions of dealing with but must keep because to throw it away would mean I am irresponsible file” THE FUCKING PLASTIC HAS A HUGE CRACK IN IT BECAUSE I PUT TOO MUCH SHIT IN THERE. Yes, paper breaks plastic! Who knew! How did I remedy the situation? Clean and organize? Hell no! Duct tape of course!

    Good luck with the office! I totally empathize with you!

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2011

      Hahaha…that’s so funny…maybe you’re worse than me! Isn’t duct tape awesome?

  12. Laura Taylor Hayashi
    January 30, 2011

    ha ha! well, perhaps I have the courage to face some of MY piles now! very funny. you started in the right place. My son has at least ONE pile of amazing hospital bills. Yes, paid? paritally? how about the insurance company that files on year later! omg well….. glad they are young, and have the energy to bug me! be well!

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2011

      Oh insurance! Seriously, I was a math major and still it completely befuddles me. good luck! And thanks for stopping by

  13. Name *
    January 30, 2011

    One attempt (amongst many) to be organized found a white milk carton crate next to the front door to collect mail and paper work. My older son calls it the crate of doom. I call it the black hole. I can so completely relate to the piles and piles.

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2011

      hahaha…the crate of doom! that’s pretty funny. Right now…i’m looking straight ahead at the computer because if i glance left, i know i’m going to feel guilty and i don’t want to today.

      • Kathy
        January 30, 2011

        The Crate of Doom has its own gravitational pull from my right, but I’m resisting so far.

        • Lynn
          January 30, 2011

          Hahaha…it’s own gravitational pull…stay away at all costs!!!!

  14. Theresa Sonoda
    January 30, 2011

    Dang, woman, you’re just too busy. Makes me tired just reading.

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2011

      I’m not busy…I’m just avoiding work…I don’t even have a job!

  15. Carla E. Knight
    January 31, 2011

    “A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind”

    • Lynn
      January 31, 2011

      Nope…I love a clean desk…it’s just a plot

  16. Paula Lee Bright
    February 2, 2011

    Oh, dear, if I start telling you here how much I can relate, I might go into a serious depression over the state of my house in general.

    So I’ll simply say: Oh, lady, I hear you! Loud. And. Clear. Look out! My pile of unopened envelopes just tumbled over on me. Hel—

    • Lynn
      February 2, 2011

      It’s always bad when I start getting “past due” phone calls, like yesterday! Bills and paperwork are stupid!

  17. Leigh Ann (The Twin Spin)
    February 5, 2011

    My “office” is my dining room table. And yes, it’s always a mess. So fun to try to organize it (read: hide it all in my bedroom which is also a mess) when someone is coming over.

    • Lynn
      February 5, 2011

      that would be more problematic…see, i can hide my stuff from plain site, and my husband

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