This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which my pets are killing me


I’m looking over at Gilgamesh and Hercules (my fish) and I have to admit, I think I’ve had it with pets.  Let me explain.


As you may or may not recall, I just went through another near-death experience with Tucker.  Not MY near-death mind you (although if this keeps up it will be) but his.  So I went through that.


Butterscotch (the cat) is kind of a longhaired cat.  She’s a rescue so I really don’t know her family tree and all.  Anyways, she’s the first longhaired cat I’ve ever had and she’s the WORST at grooming.  Every once in a while I take her in to be shaved and/or cut depending on how bad her snarlies have gotten.  So she’s gotten pretty bad and I can no longer get them out with a brush so I was getting ready to make an appointment for her to be groomed.


Meanwhile, Daniel came home last night to get his lacrosse stuff and have dinner and we started watching Finding Nemo. I know I’ve seen it before but obviously not in a long time and certainly not since I begrudgingly became a fish owner.  We’re watching the movie and Daniel says:


Daniel:            I bet that’s how your fish feel


Me:                  how?


Daniel:            like they’re imprisoned


Me:                  fucking Andie


And it’s true.  I never wanted fish but Andie had fish and then she left them here and now they’ve gotten so big that they freak her out so I’m now in charge of the fish.  They’re huge and the tank needs to be cleaned but whenever I feed them they act like they wanna jump out and attack me.  It’s not like I can kill them on purpose and when they do die I’ll probably freak out anyways.


So back to the cat.  Daniel is being mean to me about my fish and I smell something awful and Butterscotch has gotten so knotty around her butt that some poop has gotten stuck and she’s in my fucking house!!! I’d like to throw her outside but it’s 9 degrees and she would die.


I attempt to clean her up but it’s already past the grooming hours so I do the best I can.  This morning she was worse so I call the groomers who tell me that “they can’t fit her in today BUT they will get that poop all off her if I run her by” which I do because I can’t have the damn cat prancing around my house rubbing poop everywhere now can I?


That’s when I realized that these pets were going to be the death of me. My dog can no longer eat people food so he barks at me every time I walk in the kitchen. The fish are huge and the cat is a snarly, poopy being.


AHHHHHHHH … that’s my post!


Addendum:  Seriously, right after I wrote this I walked into the other room and Butterscotch had puked on the rug. I went into the kitchen to get some paper towels and by the time I had returned, Tucker had eaten it.  I give up!

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  1. Ribena Tina @ ribenamusings
    January 28, 2014

    I totally get where you are coming from. Beautiful B once brought some fish home from a carnival, we bought her a small fishbowl thinking they would die in a week – 7 years later they were eating every other fish she tried to introduce to the tank – and she never cleaned that damn tank, not once.

    One of our dogs, and it could be anyone of 3 of the 4 keeps puking at the top of the stairs when we are at work. As we have the nan, mum and daughter they still all groom each other so one of the others is cleaning up after them, just now well enough as I still have to clean the carpet. Damn dogs, it’s a good job we love them so much.

    Ribena Tina @ ribenamusings recently posted..What I learned this weekMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 28, 2014

      i know…each morning i tell them to try not to gross me out during the day but that never works

  2. Name *
    January 28, 2014

    my cat has yet to throw up a hairball, he is 7 months…I haven’t seen one yet. Maybe it goes through his poop? I didn’t notice. anyway, Stevie (the cat) keeps me up at night with his need for kneading someone or something. And I’ve only just begun with my pte journey. Yours however frustrating made me smile.

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2014

      Glad my misery makes you happy. My cat eats so fast that she pukes. She never learns

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