This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which Sarah leaves comments

 

I think that it’s possible that I might have to make Sarah’s emails and/or comments a regular feature on my blog.  Well, unless she one day decides to make her own blog.

 

As you may recall (well, maybe) I wrote a post entitled “In which I solve Kevin’s third shift problems” which related to, you GUESSED it, solving Kevin’s third shift problem by suggesting that he hire Vampires to run his extrusion plant.

 

Of course, I got a lot of comments on what an inspiring and clever idea it was but I particularly liked Sarah’s comments which I will now share with you.

 

Comment #1:

Lynn, I think you might be a little hasty in your decision to never live in Bon Temp. It has the potential to be a really good time. Did you know that Bon Temp literally means “Good Time” in French? The True Blood vending machine is an excellent idea…you might also consider having a live donor for those that don’t drink True Blood. Also, in this economy, I’m sure there are plenty of vampires that would consider relocating in order to find work. They are also excellent extruders. I can’t wait to see this ad on my local Craigslist.

 

Of course I responded to her comments with this:

 

My favorite line was “they are also excellent extruders” and I can’t wait to share that with Kevin. He thinks you’re funny ya know!

 

It’s true…Kevin DOES think Sarah is funny.  At any rate, she then responded with the following:

 

Comment #2:

So, I googled “vampires + extrusion” in order to back up my claim that vampires are, in deed, excellent extruders. Interestingly, your blog post was the SECOND result. The first was a review of the movie “Priest 3D” in which they tell of “hives, which are tall ant-hill type mountains made of vampire extrusion”. Since this movie is obviously based on a true story, we have to assume that vampires are (now and well into the future) unmatched extrusion experts. I’m sure this is not news to you, or you wouldn’t have so perfectly suggested them for the third shift. Kevin is lucky to have you.

 

Of course, I could barely read this comment to Kevin without laughing because she is just so damn funny.  First of all, I can’t even imagine Googling “vampires + extrustion” and the fact that I was the second entry is just unbelievable.  Second of all, well there is no second of all.  This woman is just fucking hilarious and I just wanted to share this with you because why should I be the only one to appreciate her!

 

Man she needs to get a blog!!

 

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29 Comments

  1. By Word of Mouth Musings
    December 13, 2011

    I think you both have issues ;)
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Scary Mommy, no, not me! I am a no jumper wearing homeschool Mom.My Profile

    • Lynn
      December 13, 2011

      you think? you should see the one from last week…that conversation is incredible

      • Pamela D Hart
        December 13, 2011

        Okay, so what are you gonna do? Leave us in suspense? You’re such a bitch…oh wait, you’ll take THAT as a compliment! lol.

        Sarah so needs a blog. But since she doesn’t have one, we can’t even stalk her to harass her. WTH?
        Pamela D Hart recently posted..Easy Christmas Decorating TipsMy Profile

  2. Lynn
    December 13, 2011

    It takes time to turn it into a post!!! I think it goes up next week…you know I’m always way ahead!!!

  3. Julie
    December 13, 2011

    I’m with Pamela D ~ the suspense is gonna kill me. It’s another thing for me to focus on rather than start (yes, I said START) my Christmas shopping.

    • Lynn
      December 13, 2011

      I haven’t done shit for Christmas…I’m over the whole holidays thing

  4. Kyla
    December 13, 2011

    Your new blog… “Shit Sarah Says”
    Kyla recently posted..Dispute This!My Profile

    • Lynn
      December 13, 2011

      That’s a great idea!!

  5. Sarah :)
    December 13, 2011

    Um, I’m in just as much suspense as th rest of you…I have no idea what I said in whatever conversation she is talking about…and I’m fully prepared to deny everything. Unless of course there’s a monetary reward, then I’m willing to negotiate. Stranger things have happened. I’m just saying.

    • Lynn
      December 13, 2011

      The money is in the mail with the pony

      • Sarah :)
        December 13, 2011

        Lies! All lies! For all I know, the extruding vampires rode the pony to Atlantic City and gambled away all my money!!

        • Lynn
          December 13, 2011

          I really don’t know why you keep getting put in the pending pile, ya know???

          • Sarah :)
            December 13, 2011

            Maybe my pony & money are also in the pending pile.

            • Lynn
              December 13, 2011

              No doubt!!

  6. Kat :)
    December 14, 2011

    Lynn (and others),

    I appreciate your continual support of my IRL friend Sarah’s “shit”. Just count your blessings that unlike me she does not have your cell phone number because you would be constantly harassed for the damn pony. I’m pretty sure I can lend a hand in finding a local “pony store” and have one delivered before Christmas? Since you clearly missed her birthday, which I think constitutes a bad internet friend. I’m just saying. However, what I wanted to let you know is I’ve decided I need everyone to stop encouraging Sarah to start a blog. I am guilty of this myself in the recent past, but just now, like right now this morning I decided if that happens she could in fact get all famous and hang out with more famous people like you :) and leave me, her little unknown friend behind and she would probably have to block me from facebook because she’s too famous and you see how this could spiral into a serious state of depression for me. So if at all possible I appreciate you humoring my friend :), but for the sake of my mental status and selfishness can we just send the pony and call it even?

    • Lynn
      December 14, 2011

      Dea Sarah’s real life friend:

      Not to worry as I have NO desire to friends with Sarah in real life. I barely have a desire to be friends with my own real life friends in real life so the chances of adding more are slim.

      Also, you seem funnier than her so perhaps I’ll feature you instead.

      Also, I’m not famous other than in my own head…

      That’s it…

  7. Kat AKA Sarah's IRL friend
    December 14, 2011

    Dear Lynn,

    You’ll be happy to know I just tossed all the bad Sarah has said about you in order to form my own opinion since you have recognized I might in fact be funnier. I now believe you to be a great person despite her exhausting attempts to make me think otherwise.

    Most of the above is probably not true, except the the part about me being funnier. Please ignore Sarah when she vehemently denies this.

    All of this being said can I have her pony? If we can strike that deal I promise to not be friends with you.

  8. Sarah :)
    December 14, 2011

    Wow, really guys? Thanks. First of all, let me apologize for my alleged friend who is apparently trying to extort ponies from you. Let me just assure you that she is not normally this funny. Also, she’s probably been composing these replies since yesterday in order to sound so unusually clever.

    Lynn, I never said anything bad about you. I may start now that I know you have NO desire to be friends with me in real life. (You just HAD to put it in all caps, too, huh?) I guess I should cancel my travel plans to surprise you for Christmas. Notice that I did not put my denial in all caps so it can hardly be considered vehement. Wait, after rereading the comment, I’m not sure I’m denying the right thing. Crap.

    Go ahead and feature Kat AKA Sarah’s former IRL friend until she started to try to steal my pony. She may be funnier (today) but I will always be taller and I feel that should count for something.

    I will still be here for you when the newness wears off and the vampires get back from Atlantic City.

    • Lynn
      December 14, 2011

      Clearly I do NOT want to get into a pissing match between the two of you. I was only stroking her ego. She’s NOT the least bit funny. Also, I much prefer emails which YOU send me. I gave YOU a pony fornyour birthday. What did she do, huh? Huh? HUH????

  9. Kat :)
    December 14, 2011

    Lynn,

    I just recieved the alert of this post via my phone while out riding my pony in the pasture. Thanks btw for the expediting said pony. When you give a gift you don’t mess around with the delivery!

    What Sarah meant to say is that I am always this funny, usually funnier. And yes to clear any confusion up she’s generally this angry about all things.

    Since she’s now canceled her plans to surprise you for Christmas it looks like your schedule is clear and I would like to invite you down to take photos riding ponies together. In fact, since Sarah does not (and will now never have one…) she could photograph us. I would even allow you to post those on your blog.

    P.S. she won’t be here (or there) for you when the vampires get back. You see how quickly she dropped me…don’t get attached.

    • Lynn
      December 14, 2011

      I’m not planning on dropping by Texas any time soon. I googled where y’all lived yesterday and can safely say that the closest I’ve been to there is Texarkana. Trust me when I tell you there’s NO need to go back.

      If u come here, you will need to thumb wrestle my kids for my attention. I’m so damn loved it’s annoying.

      • Sarah :)
        December 14, 2011

        Pony stealing Kat is lying to you. I can prove it. She is not out riding ponies. She is, in fact, painting doors. She is a red door painter. I could prove this by showing you a picture of her painting a red door; however, it is a top secret door. The FBI is already unimpressed that I even have the picture. Also, I do believe that part of the pony negotiations was her assurance that she would not be friends with you, which she is clearly trying to do.

        If you were so inclined to ride ponies with liars, I would be more than happy to photograph the activity. Since no ponies are available, I will do so while riding the unicorn that we’ve spoken of in the past.

        Just to let you know, I will not be responding to anymore of these nonsensical attacks on my character. If this were indeed a pissing contest, I would win. Much like Will Ferrel, I piss excellence, though the pony stealer will try to convince you otherwise. Did you know that horse thieves can still be hanged in Texas?

        By the way, I’m from Texarkana! See? Winning. Me, Will Ferrell and Charlie Sheen.

        • Lynn
          December 14, 2011

          You two are fucked up…nuff said…and possibly insane

  10. Kat :)
    December 14, 2011

    First of all, you googled where we live? So Sarah, you feel it’s ok to give our locations to random internet strangers. Thats an excellent idea in which we will need to further discuss and set boundaries. Stranger, danger mean anything to you?

    Second, Lynn I now switch sides back to Sarah and understand her negative opinion of you because until this point I was unaware of how you felt about Texas.

    I will be returning my pony. In a not so prompt manner however so don’t watch the mail.

    As if it matters now, but I happen to be a champion thumb wrestler. What are the odds?

    • Lynn
      December 14, 2011

      I am now Facebook friends with your ex, then not ex, and now I’m not totally sure…best friend Sarah. I. Don’t stalk…I just Google map.

      Mostly because we have a business in Nachodoches and were curious if you were near there…

  11. Kat : )
    December 14, 2011

    Lynn,

    What a relief to find someone who is Facebook friends w my x!

    I’ve been hunting him, but apparently he felt the situation so extreme that he blocked me from locating him.

    Could you get his scoop and let me know? That would be great!

    Btw, the only “fucked up” or “insane” one is Sarah I assure you.

    • Lynn
      December 14, 2011

      ok, i admit it you’re pretty funny too! Perhaps a group email chain and then you too can be famous…

    • Lynn
      December 14, 2011

      hahahaha

  12. Kat : )
    December 14, 2011

    Id like the group email idea.

    I’m glad you finally see I’m just using you to become famous.

    What a relief, I hate having secrets between us.

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