This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which she sliced herself

Seder Plate

Hey there.  I haven’t written a post for a few days and I’m about to run out of them so I’d best get my shit together.  If I actually do get my shit together it would be the first time in 53 years!


Random observation #1: when I’m sleepy I have a really difficult time in Pilates keeping my balance and I tend to fall over a lot.  This has absolutely nothing to do with my post but I figured you guys would want to know.


Random observation #2: I saw an Alaska license plate today which is pretty unusual for North Carolina as they’re nowhere near each other.


Random observation #3:  when I give my dog an extra snack he immediately barks at me like he wants more so basically, the more you give him the more he wants.  He’s quite like a child in that respect isn’t he?


Random observation #4: oh yeah, it’s my anniversary today.  26 years.  How does Kevin do it I wonder?


Ok, I thought I’d write a funny post about Keely and Passover.  As you know it was recently Passover and it was the first time that Keely wasn’t going to be with us.  As a matter of fact, due to the fact that it was midterms down at Duke none of my kids were with us thus making it sad all around.


At any rate, she was invited to a Seder in California and she was asked to make Haroses. What is haroses? Only the yummiest and tastiest thing on earth; it’s made of apples, honey, sweet grape wine and cinnamon so you can imagine how awesome it is.  Its also an integral part of the Passover Seder.


Of course, Keely doesn’t cook and I don’t really have a recipe so it was agreed that I would “talk her through it” while she made it.


First I told her to get all the key ingredients and then I reminded her to get some Tupperware and a peeler. Meanwhile, at home, I told Kevin that I would not be shocked if Keely ended up in the emergency room as I figured she’d cut her finger off chopping an apple.


Kevin thought she wouldn’t even get that far, that peeling the apples would cause a massacre.  We laughed and Keely texted that she was going to the store for ingredients and we’d go through everything later.


Now, I had just gotten back from Dallas and was tired and on top of that I had already made my own haroses and brisket for our Seder.  I was lying on the couch when I got the following text from Keely:


I already freaking cut my finger open … PUTTING MY NEW PEELER INTO THE GROCERY BAG!


I couldn’t help it; I burst out laughing.  Keely always outdoes herself.  I mean she didn’t even make it OUT OF THE STORE before she was bleeding.  What kind of dope is this kid?


She finally got home and we FaceTimed so she could make the haroses.  First I tell her to chop the apples.  “This big” she says and holds up this gigantic chunk.  “No, smaller” I tell her.


“This big?” she says and holds up a slightly smaller and still way too large chunk and I say “no smaller.” Finally she holds up the right size and I say “yes, now do all 8 apples that way and call me when you’re done.”


I wait 30 minutes; 45 minutes, 60 minutes and I finally call back.  “What the hell are you doing?” I ask.  “I’ve done over half of them” she tells me.


Now I cut all my apples in about 15 minutes and she’s only half way?  “What are you doing, sculpting them?” I ask.   Unbelievable.  Finally she was done and we went through the rest of the recipe but I tell you, there’s a child who should probably just stay out of the kitchen.


After all, there’s only so many Keely type accidents I can handle in one year.

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  1. Julie
    March 28, 2013

    I’m in a deep, deep depression right now because my sister and her Jewish husband are on vacation which means there was no Seder and I have not had any brisket.

    • Lynn
      March 28, 2013

      Mine was awesome

  2. Jester Queen
    March 28, 2013

    Oh MAN – I love that you talked her through it on facetime. I love that she couldn’t quiiite remember from eating them every year how big the apples are supposed to be. And I love that, while she might remember now, she will NOT be able to make them without leaving your hearts in your throats.

    • Lynn
      March 28, 2013

      It was sooooo funny. She was sp slow too

  3. Meghan Miller
    March 28, 2013

    At least she was making the effort to try to make it, right?

    • Lynn
      March 28, 2013

      She is a total spaz but yeah, she tried

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