This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
In which she was almost excellent
I was having a conversation on the phone with Andie yesterday when she informed me that ONCE AGAIN her friend Beth’s mother had come down to visit at Duke and had taken them out to dinner. We then had the following conversation:
Andie: so Beth’s mom was here AGAIN and took us to dinner
Me: again? Why?
Andie: Baldwin mother-daughter thing
(Note to reader: Baldwin is a group you have to be AWESOME to get into)
Me: Well there’s the problem
Andie: what?
Me: if they had a mother-daughter thing for almost excellent people I could come to that
Andie: MOM!
Me: mother-daughter dinner for a little less than stellar students
Andie: hahaha
Me: mother-daughter dinner for NOT Quite excellent students
Andie: mother-daughter dinner for Above Par students
Me: mother-daughter dinner for not quite the best people
Andie: you’re a terrible mother
Me: and you’re a slightly better than okay daughter
Andie: perhaps you did a bad job raising me
Me: most probably your father’s genetics
Andie: you always blame dad
Me: Daddy says that it’s not his fault you’re slightly below awesome
So then I got off the phone and went on with my life.
Later Andie texted me with a question:
Andie: I have a question
Me: What?
Andie: Is a debit card also known as an ATM card?
Me: Yes. All moderately excellent people know that
Andie: Haha. But only 50% of the marginally excellent
Me: But 75% of the simply marvelous
Andie: I’m really low on money. Ugh my fish also cost me like almost 100 bucks between the food tank bubbler and the filter keeps breaking. I SHOULD LET THEM DIE
Me: Noooooooooo
And then we stopped texting and I tried to go to sleep. Unfortunately I couldn’t sleep so I ended up texting Andie about an IDEA I had. A BRILLIANT IDEA!
Me: I’m going to start a candle business
Andie: ?? Candles?
Me: Saw some in Cabos. They were awesome
Andie: Hahaha candles
Me: You can make candles with me
Andie: OK!
Me: They were about 12 inches in diameter. Painted and carved
Andie: WE WILL BE CANDLE MAKERS!
Me: Yes! And 2 feet tall … and 1 foot too
Andie: Bordering on brilliant candle makers!
Me: Exactly
Andie: My masterpiece will be six feet tall and will look like Michelangelo’s David
Me: Mother daughter candles and he’s not a candle. They will have my doodles carved in them
Andie: No no I will make true art!!!
Andie: They will have a museum of these candles I tell ya!!!
Me: See? Beyond brilliant candles
Yep. That’s why I can’t sleep
Thing is. Gotta find the candles to carve
Or make my own
Andie: Made by almost astounding people!
I thought we were making the candles?
Me: Also non toxic paint
Andie: Haha yes
Me: Well. They’re carved and painted
Andie: This is quite a set up
Mother daughter candles kill
We’re going to be so famous!!
Me: Hahahahaha
Well we need non toxic paint
I can see the headlines now…
What should we call them?
Andie: I think you use special dye for the wax right?
Man if I had a dollar for every plan I’ve made on how to get famous, I would be SO RICH
Me: No. They were literally painted and carved in designs
Andie: Now I’m imagining totem poles … Made of wax
Me: If I had a dollar for every dollar I had we would be twice as rich
No. I think I have pictures
Me: Designs by fairly competent artists
How’s that?
For a name brand
Pretty excellent and mostly pretty candles
Hello?????
Andie: What about mind your own beeswax
So people remember to mind their own business and maintain their candles
They’re artistic.
Me: Good thinking. Inspirational candles. People love that shit
Andie: We could put an inspirational quote with every candle
Me: What about. Pretty damn good and pretty too candles
Or mother daughter things require excellent daughters
Which I don’t have
Andie: mom
Me: I should go to bed.
I’m gonna need a sweatshop for this
I wonder if they’re in the yellow pages
Andie: Hahaha you’re horrible
Me: I gotta sleep now, we’ll figure it out tomorrow.
And there you are. These are the types of conversations you can have with a slightly less than really excellent daughter. I’m not sure what type of conversations I would have with an excellent daughter as I obviously don’t have one.
I totally blame Kevin for that.
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I really like reading your conversations. Thanks for sharing this!
Sarah recently posted..Twitter
I have missed your special wit! Hope to see you soon Lynn :-)
How are you doing?
And what’s even more funny is that clearly SHE couldn’t sleep either, so you both kept up this absurdly funny chain about your not-quite-excellent-not-exactly-rich-making candle business
Stupid Word preess… ANyway. I was saying that the really funny part is that clearly Andie couldn’t sleep either, because she was keeping up her end of the conversation.
she’s in college and neither of my girls go to bed before 2 it seems
She’s in college so she probably doesn’t go to bed before 4, you just fall asleep first. That would make you slightly less sleep deprived.
I think you could spring up membership clubs all over the country, or perhaps world. “The organization for slightly less than amazing people.” You should go with it. You’re gonna be rich.
my ideas are always awesome…
Outstanding conversation (as usual). Hands down, the best line ever ~ “Inspirational candles. People love that shit.” The area where I work is highly Hispanic and I am amazed at the candle selection at Walgreens. My personal favorite is the one themed to remove all demons. I have given one to each of my gal pals. Want one?
Nope. I like demons
First, didn’t you just go down there and visit her at college for lunch and a hug or something? Or was that your other, closer-to-excellence-than-Andie-daughter? Second, if Andie carved a David candle, where would you put the wick? And C, I think an ENTIRE book could be made about, “awesome ideas on how to get rich, but we didn’t follow through on them so if you want to work harder than we did have at it”. I would totally co-write it with you guys. ‘Cause heaven knows I’m full of ideas and stuff….
hahaha…this conversation took place before i went down to see her actually. i don’t always put stuff in order. hee, what a great book that would be. We have millions of idea around here
This conversation is really funny.Your ideas are really something. I love it actually.
Carol recently posted..glass Murano
I’d order an almost excellent candle. Anatomically correct candles with appropriately placed wicks and inspirational sayings would be cool. Funny!
hahaha…thanks
You both have a brilliant idea! If I were you, I will pursue that candle making.. You will never know if candle making will be a big hit until you’ve try it!
Charlenevans09 recently posted..hand
Hi Lynn! i really enjoyed reading your conversation. Candle making is actually quite easy and can be very profitable. It might be the right thing for you to start your own business.
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