This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which she was annoying

Dear lady with the most annoying, grating and nasally voice ever who is sitting on the bus with me to our little bullshit commuter plane.  Shut the fuck up.  I get that you can’t help your nasally, annoying voice and your ridiculously cloying southern accent but the mere fact that you, and your fellow garden club members, feel it’s necessary to practically kiss Mr. Audubon society’s ass just because he once spoke at your garden club, doesn’t mean that I want to hear about it.

 

And did you seriously just say to the guy after he proclaimed that he loved growing things that’s “it’s wonderful that you’re in touch with your feminine side.” So he grew a raspberry once…big fucking deal!  From what I can see many farmers are of the male persuasion.

 

Are you aware that I just ate a huge pack of M&M’s and at this very minute I’m doing my best not to hurl?  I’ve been sitting at this airport for three hours now, admittedly in the lap of luxury in the USAir Club, but still…I’m bored and tired and did I mention nauseous?  I am. Therefore, could you please refrain from explaining in that high pitched whine of yours exactly what type of flowers you’re growing because very frankly, I don’t care.

 

There are plenty of people on this bus who have been at the airport for far longer than I due to some bomb scare on a plane and I’m pretty damn sure that they don’t care about your damn garden either.

 

And thank you so much for asking Mr. Audubon society what exactly he was doing up in Washington so I can now listen to a play by play of the entire US Open golf Championship.  It was on TV and I’m pretty sure I could have watched it had I fell like it.  When the hell is this stupid bus going to drive me to my plane?

 

And yes, lady steward person.  I DID have my phone shut off… that was the moron in front of me who couldn’t figure out what “please shut off all electronic items” actually meant. Do I look like the type if person who would have such a shitty ringtone? That was rhetorical but the answer is definitely not.

 

All right.  We are up in the air now and I’m typing this on my iPad as Kevin ignores me because he knows what I’m like when I’m ranting about shit.  I wanted to discuss this bomb scare thing with him but since we have absolutely no facts he refuses.  He hates when I want to have speculative conversations based on no information whatever.  He considers them pointless for some reason.  It’s Fathers Day so I’m going to let it slide this time.

 

At any rate, my stomach is killing me and I’m being ignored.  The good news is that we will be landing in 40 minutes and I can go home and die.  The even better news is that tomorrow is my birthday and the whole world will rejoice.

 

Oh shit!  The plane just made a sharp turn and ducked underneath some clouds.  I’m definitely going to hurl.  Talk to ya later… but not about gardens … or golf.

 

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11 Comments

  1. Katja Brown
    June 24, 2011

    “it’s wonderful that you’re in touch with your feminine side” – hilarious!!!

    • Lynn
      June 24, 2011

      I couldn’t believe those women…they were the type we were discussing the other day

  2. Judy Frederick
    June 24, 2011

    You are a funny girl Lynn :) Keep it up!!!

    • Lynn
      June 24, 2011

      THanks Judy…and thanks for reading too

  3. Name *
    June 24, 2011

    Nice! I think I’m going to tell my husband he’s “in touch with his feminine side” the next time he grows me some mold in the dishes he leaves at work. Love your blog. It cracked me right up! http://morethanjustamomma.blogspot.com

    • Kristen
      June 24, 2011

      Whoops forgot my own name!

      • Lynn
        June 24, 2011

        Thanks for reading…yeah, these women were ridiculous!!!

  4. Leigh Ann
    June 24, 2011

    I love a good rant! How annoying. Everything’s worse when you feel like you’re gonna blow chunks. I can’t grow shit. I must not be very feminine.

    • Lynn
      June 25, 2011

      you and me both… i actually kill stuff

  5. Alison@Mama Wants This
    June 24, 2011

    I do wish you HAD hurled. Into that lady’s lap.

    • Lynn
      June 25, 2011

      god she was annoying

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