This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which THAT’S where they go

 

Remember Galileo?  And Newton?  And Einstein?  Yeah, they were pretty smart guys and they discovered really important things.  How about Madame Curie? I don’t even know what she discovered but she’s quite famous.  Well, people.  I’m about to join their big league because on Thursday, I discovered something.  Something QUITE IMPORTANT that will affect EVERYONE!

 

You know how you go to fold your laundry (yes folks, even I have to occasionally fold laundry) and you fold all the towels and then you fold all the shirts and pants and you get all the big stuff out of the way first? (Well, that’s what I do anyway)

 

Then you’re left with socks and underwear and bras (if you have a female in the house … well usually if you have a female in the house I suppose… hey, I’m not judging here) and that stuff is a colossal pain in the ass.

 

So you have all your big piles and then you start rolling yours socks and of course you have a few socks that don’t match EACH other so where are their best friends?  WHERE?  Where do those socks go?

 

I KNOW!!  I figured it out! Here’s what happened!

 

Every Thursday I have a shrink appointment at 11:00 so don’t bug me at 11:00 because I’m really, really busy getting fixed.  On Thursday mornings I go to my spin class and then come home and try to write and then I take a shower.  I know you guys are all  thinking “what the fuck? Come on. Big deal.  What’s the discovery?”

 

Pipe down. I’m getting to it.

 

So after my shower I get dressed again in pretty much the same thing I was wearing before I shower which is usually leggings, a PolarTec pullover and a t-shirt and sneakers.

 

Now I have about 5 PolarTecs and a million leggings so I always look the same except some times I’m cleaner than other times.  So I was sitting in my shrink appointment on the couch (cliché I know right?) and we’re chatting in the sense that I’m talking and he’s just looking at me because god forbid he actually fix me because I’m pretty sure I sent his kids to college and I’m considered an “annuity” to him.

 

Aside:  Kevin actually wants to sue him because he say’s “I’m just getting worse and worse” but what the hell does Kevin know right?

 

At any rate, I’m sitting there telling him about my week which was CRAZY exciting (can’t tell you yet) when I cross my arms and I feel, what the hell is that bulge in my sweatshirt?

 

So I stick my hand up my sleeve and guess what?  It’s one of Kevin’s socks.  Yeah, one of his dress socks!  I’m like “holy shit” I had a sock up my sleeve and my shrink looks at me and say’s “so that’s where they go” and we both look at each other and crack up because What the FUCK!! People have always wondered WHERE they go and NOW we know.

 

They go to THE SHRINK using the only means they have at their disposal.  Hiding in your clothing.

 

AMAZING right?  So I’m just waiting to hear from the Nobel people in Sweden because this is one of the questions that plague all of mankind.  I know this problem of “where the hell is the other sock?” is not just unique to me.

 

So there you are guys.   I’m pretty sure that some time in the future people will refer to my name with the greats.  Plato, Socrates, Aristotle, Einstein, Newton and Lynn MacDonald.

 

You can say you knew me when …

 

 

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29 Comments

  1. flobits
    January 30, 2012

    :))
    and I thought they all went to the Planet of Lost Socks. The one neighbouring the Planet of Lost Pens and having one natural moon, the Moon of Lost Umbrellas :))
    flobits recently posted..Midnight in Paris UnabridgedMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      nope…they’re at the shrinks

  2. Rebecca
    January 30, 2012

    One time we had to dismantle our washing machine because the belt broke. We found like 6 or so different socks around the drum! The washing machine has been eating them and blaming the dryer all this time!!!

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      that’s always a good strategy though, don’t ya think?

  3. Name *
    January 30, 2012

    Wow! I’m so relieved I started following this blog. I might not have made it on the bandwagon.

    On a different note, sock falling out of the arm is better than underpands falling out of the leg. Because then, there’s a layer of “How the hell did I NOTE notice that???”

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      i was a little surprised that i hadn’t noticed the socks. But socks that need therapy might be cagier i suppose

  4. Julie
    January 30, 2012

    Wow. You will never top that discovery. I’m beyond impressed. When you get your well deserved prize, can you Skype it as I’d love to share your big moment.

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      certainly Julie, for you? anything

  5. Pamela D Hart
    January 30, 2012

    Holy crap! I need to go back to my shrink and get my neglected socks their mates!

    Lynn you should be listed with those other Greats, you’ve solved a mystery that has been driving me bat ass crazy for decades!
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..My Secret Spy MissionMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      I know right? No appreciation around here though

  6. Melanie
    January 30, 2012

    I’ve had a sock travel with me to work before. My aunt actually safety pins her socks together before she throws them in the laundry, so matched socks always stay together. It’s kind of a genius idea.

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      that actually is a genius idea. I would never bother though. Of course, i rarely do the laundry anyway

  7. Motherhood on the Rocks
    January 30, 2012

    Little baby socks are the worst! I have to buy sock about every month after we end up with all non-matching pairs. Sometimes we just stick 2 different ones on her. I mean, c’mon. Who cares.
    Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..SANITY SAVERS: FINDING THE 25TH HOURMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      Exactly! Who cares

  8. By Word of Mouth Musings
    January 30, 2012

    Look at you … providing a sock service to the world of unmatched, unloved and quite often unwashed socks :)
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Monday Muse – Tracy Jensen MayMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      I know…I’m like a charity

  9. Fearless Fibro Warrior
    January 30, 2012

    Our household has completely given up. We just wear two that look to be our size, out of the giant laundry basket full of socks. Which is always inappropriate, usually hilarious. Oh, and the littlest one makes puppets out of them occasionally, with permanent markers.

    I suspect my husband is seriously considering putting the entire basket into the garbage, so we can just start over.

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      A common sock situation…clever

  10. Helen
    January 30, 2012

    Hilarious! I’ve also found them scrunched into the corners of fitted sheets. How I manage to fold the sheets and not find them I don’t know but then I go to put the sheets on the bed and voila!
    Helen recently posted..I Missed it by Four-Tenths and I’m Outing ShelleyMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      I wore my sock in my clothing

  11. Faith.The Blond.
    January 30, 2012

    YOURS go to the shrink…MINE go to work…and do you think I get a damn dime of that paycheck?? Noooo…damnit it’s hard to support socks now a days! And it seems like they keep freakin multiplying! I find the damn things everywhere! Behind furniture, under tables, I found one behind the toilet this weekend!! and not a single damn one of them has a mate…NONE!!!

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      wow…my socks never go to work. NEVER…useless damn socks

      • Faith.The Blond.
        January 30, 2012

        I bet they do and Kevin just doesn’t tell you! How much you wanna bet he has a WHOLE dang drawer full of socks in his office, so that when he gets to work, if his socks don’t match, he has the mate??!!

  12. Not Supermom
    January 30, 2012

    Can we get the shrink to darn them *while* he fixes them?

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      I’m pretty sure he’s never allowed to “fix” anything

  13. Annie
    January 30, 2012

    I thought all lost socks found their way to some slavic land and became hand puppets with names like Dimitri and Stanko. Glad to hear that shrinks have them under wraps.

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      Sees. The shrinks try to drive us crazy

  14. Jacky
    January 30, 2012

    Hi Lynn…Thanks for the discovery you have shared us here…Great job!
    Jacky recently posted..costa del sol bayshoreMy Profile

    • Lynn
      January 30, 2012

      My pleasure

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