This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which the bullshit doesn’t matter

 

I was just hanging out in my office listening to music and playing Mahjong tiles; that’s what I do when Kevin and Daniel are watching sports on TV.  Don’t get me wrong, I watch a FAIR amount of sports but I can only take so much.  So, I was just chilling and I tend to totally space out during this time when I’m listening to my music.

 

I was thinking about my blog.  Now shockingly enough although I spend a fair amount of time blogging, looking at stats, getting guest posts and tweeting I don’t actually spend that much time thinking about my motivations for blogging.  I also occasionally wonder why people read this blog but I don’t really sit around and ponder that.

 

Now I don’t actually read that many blogs.  It’s not that I don’t like to read; I spend a GREAT DEAL OF TIME reading, just not blogs.  I guess the reason for this is that I honestly don’t find many blogs all that interesting.  The vast majority of mommy blogs are “we’re at this stage of development” or “my kid did this today” or “what do you think about this point in child rearing” and I really don’t give a shit.  I didn’t find the fact that my kids managed to get potty trained all that interesting when we were dealing with it and I seriously doubt I’d give a shit how you managed that with your child.

 

As a matter of fact, yesterday Daniel was doing a piss poor job of tying his shoe laces (he’s 18) and I said, “you’re terrible at that” and he said “that’s because you got so impatient when you were teaching me that you just gave up and Carol (our sitter) had to teach me” which is par for the course when it comes to my kids.  I could only be bored for so long.

 

One of the things that cracks me up is how “competitive” child rearing is.  Now when I was young I was an extremely competitive person in sports and stuff but never academically or any of those other things.  As a parent, I find it all to be bullshit.  My kids NEVER did anything first or even anything approaching early when it came to milestones.  And yet, they’ve all managed to survive intact; some might say they’ve even flourished.

 

Here’s the thing.  Raising children shouldn’t be a competitive activity because the fact is that you might have birthed the most stellar human being ever to walk the face of this earth but they STILL have to live in the fabric of society.  Therefore, shouldn’t you really hope that you’re helping raise the bar of ALL children rather than just your own.  I mean, your kid will only do as well as society is doing and if the economy and society sucks, no matter how awesome your own kid is their life isn’t going to perfect.

 

See? That’s what I mean? Who the hell cares if your kid could read when they were 2? First of all, it doesn’t mean shit in the long run and second of all, the more kids who fail in life, the worse the people are around you are doing, and the more it affects your own and your kids lives.

 

So my opinion is that everybody should stop just focusing on their own little cherubs and wake up, look around you and see what else is going on in the world.

 

Boy, that was off tangent.  So, back to what I was thinking before I went of half-cocked.  I was thinking that perhaps people read this blog because I just say what we are all thinking but most people are far to well mannered to actually say.  I think what we all want to say to that person who tells us “their child just did something incredible” is FUCK YOU.  Fuck you for telling me that your child is better, faster, smarter, and stronger or WHATEVER and that my kid isn’t.

 

FUCK YOU for bragging and FUCK YOU for thinking any of that bullshit really matters.  Take it from someone whose kid NOT ONLY didn’t do anything fast but also got booted out of pre-school for misbehaving.  Take it from someone who constantly got phone calls from other parents because of their child’s misdeeds.  Take it from someone who’s been in the depths of despair about her child’s future.

 

IT DOESN’T MEAN A DAMN THING.  Not that I’m bragging but trust me, that child you bitched and moaned about is doing just fine.  What’s my point?  Who said I had a point?

 

We’re all in this together whether we like it or not and perhaps people should stop competing while parenting and start being more supportive.  It’s just a crazy idea I know but I think it’s a worthwhile goal.  Feel free to disagree…not that I give a shit what you think.

 

 

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36 Comments

  1. ChiMomWriter
    December 19, 2011

    I love this:
    “Here’s the thing. Raising children shouldn’t be a competitive activity because the fact is that you might have birthed the most stellar human being ever to walk the face of this earth but they STILL have to live in the fabric of society. Therefore, shouldn’t you really hope that you’re helping raise the bar of ALL children rather than just your own.”

    Yesterday I was in a frazzled tizzy because I was going to meet friends, forgot my purse, and had to add 25 minutes on to the trip to go back and get it. While spewing about it to the two women I was meeting, I had to stop and laugh at myself: One has staples running the length of a leg for a rod recently put in and another just had surgery and is about to undergo more testing for her ever-present cancer. And me? I Forgot My Purse. Most of the BS we worry about on a daily basis isn’t worth the time.
    ChiMomWriter recently posted..There’s Nothing Standard About Assessing SkillsMy Profile

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      I’ve just been so moody lately…I guess it’s pretty obvious. It just gets so annoying

  2. GRAMPS
    December 19, 2011

    —and MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO!!!!

    Boy, you have been ranting a lot lately. Much of it spot on!!!

    Have a wonderful Holiday season and keep ’em coming

    gramps

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      Hahaha…I suppose I have. Lately everything has been getting on my nerves. What can I say? My kids want to rewrite the Christmas carol and make me Scrooge

  3. By Word of Mouth Musings
    December 19, 2011

    Go on, do a little bragging … you have awesome kids and the colleges are beating the doors down for your little preschool misfit … look what he is doing with his life now!
    Mama Drama is a pain in the *ss from how you gave birth to breastfeeding yay or nay and screaming it out at night … go ask a college kid how it affected their lives … seriously.
    Look at me, had one kid, failed miserably at having another … try the infertility route for a little judgement on the so called right and wrong – there is even hierarchy in adoption … stupidity!

    Its a good thing us normal Moms get to stick together and keep it in perspective ;)
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Project Marriage A New BeginningMy Profile

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      Can’t do it! No one to brag to :(

  4. Kelly
    December 19, 2011

    After I read this, I sat my coffee down on the table and said out loud
    “God, I love you Lynn.” Then chuckled…because you are soooo right!!!
    I am so glad that the internet was not even around when my kids were small….I think a lot of moms today are completely missing out on all the important stuff.
    And you are also right in that many times I yell “Are you fucking kidding me?” when I read a post…but I would never say that.

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      yeah…i don’t actually SAY it, i just think it

  5. Melanie M
    December 19, 2011

    Spot on today Lynn! I spent many hours in line at the grocery behind people who went on and on about how their kids slept through the night at 3 days, while mine were not sleeping through the night at 3 years. Then there was the scissors debacle in kindergarten in which people sighed and rolled their eyes because my son wasn’t a scissors master. I thought, “I’ve never been on a date with someone who couldn’t use scissors, surely this is a skill that will develop eventually.” And when I was excited when my son got into his college choice, there were the people who were lamenting that the colleges were competing over their child and the offers were escalating. And yet, here we all are, hoping that the economy improves and that everyone gets a job. The kids who were at Yale are unemployed with their friends who went to Central Michigan. I just read that in my town of 5000–there are 40 homeless kids attending public school. Makes me sick. I want everyone to do well and celebrate their accomplishments while reaching down and lifting up those who are struggling. My kids have been extraordinary one day and disappointing the next. It’s called being normal. What makes you extraordinary is helping society get to a better place–so let’s move it along together.

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      great comment…i totally agree with you. Unemployed is unemployed!!!

  6. Solenn@48HourMasters
    December 19, 2011

    Your child is three and should be able to let you no if he is being hurt, you should try to get him to tell you why he does not want to be at dayys house, it could be the father doing something or someone else that may be in the home, it could also be the child is just bored if daddy does not do anything with him thats fun. If your son is old enought to cry for you to pick him up then he is old enought to tell you if he is being hurt by someone. If there is a joint custody order and or a visitation order in effect, then you need to talk to the father and find out whats going on, you need to male sure that your child has no unusal marks like bruises etc. The promblem here is you need to be able to prove to the court that your child is in dager, by child abuse, child neglect, the father doing drugs etc. If you suspect any of this then you can report it to the CPS and they will go to the home to investagate your alagations and if they find anything that causes them concern they can open a case and remove your son, and you could then file to terminate his rights or to ask for the father to only get supervised visits.
    Solenn@48HourMasters recently posted..Cd Mastering CostMy Profile

  7. Lynn
    December 19, 2011

    not really sure how this applies to the post but ok…

  8. Julie
    December 19, 2011

    You have two kids at Duke, right? FUCK YOU!
    Great post, couldn’t agree more.

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      OH? is this from a JEALOUS KENTUCKY FAN????

  9. Pamela D Hart
    December 19, 2011

    Lynn, you’re right. What age your kids first walked, said mama, pooped in the potty, read a book, went to an Ivy League pre-school, blah, blah, doesn’t amount to a hill of beans in the REAL world. Because in the REAL world, you have three children who know how to take care of themselves, act interdependently, are able to communicate well, and are nice to others and it’s due to YOU and how you raised them.

    Not only that, overcoming major obstacles, like health issues, surgeries, and life-altering disorders without being a bitter bitch makes you a pretty special person in my book.

    So while you might not think you have bragging rights, I DO! You might be All Fooked Up but you’re one chick whose really got it all together and I’d rather read your rants than Mommy Bloggers who “brag” about Junior sharing his Play-doh.
    Pamela D Hart recently posted..Meet Me On Monday ~ 5 Fives About Me!My Profile

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      Thanks so much Pam….I’ve just been in a mood I guess. It’s just so annoying knowing people like that

  10. Melanie
    December 19, 2011

    I was one of those kids who read when they were two and took the SAT when they were 8. My folks bragged and my whole life was very focused on grades and academic achievement. I totally showed them by becoming an alcoholic and a druggie! I mean, I’ve since gotten my shit together but sometimes bragging pisses a kid off and “they’ll show you!!” I can laugh about it and realize how ridiculous it was now, but back when I was young it made totally sense to rebel in the worst possible way.

    I ended up working with low-income high risk kids for years and my main focus was to make every child shine and recognize their positive traits. I much prefer that to the, “Oh my Billy tied his shoes when he was one!” In my opinion, that’s not good parenting. Kudos to you for this entry. I especially love the all caps FUCK YOU’s. Cracked me up.

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      Well, I’m glad you got it together now! My kids have achieved plenty but we certainly don’t run around living vicariously through it. What’s the point??

      Great comment

      • Melanie
        December 19, 2011

        I keep laughing about my “totally” sense typo. Apparently reading when you were two, makes you a terrible reader at 37. So there’s also that.

        • Lynn
          December 19, 2011

          Did you really take the SAT’s at age 8? Cuz that’s crazy! My kids took em in 7th grade

          • Melanie
            December 19, 2011

            I did. They just wanted to see how I would do since my IQ score was quite high. I really think none of that stuff makes a difference, like you said in your post. I’m currently a state worker in California living in a lower middle class neighborhood. I have zero regrets and adore my life. But when it came down to it, none of that intelligence testing mattered. What I chose to do after getting my life in order did. I wouldn’t change a thing.

  11. Gwendolyn Francis
    December 19, 2011

    Very refreshing to read! As a non-breeder (still haven’t met mr. right–or mr. kinda-good-enough or mr. you’ll do or mr. i’m drunk enough i guess) it’s hard for me to see my friends become so absorbed into their kids. I TOTALLY get what an important, transformational, amazing, life-changing, challenging, time/energy consuming exciting, crazy time it is…but some of my friends are so obsessed w/ their kids I can’t have a 5 minute convo. w/ them without them putting down the phone for 4 of those minutes for me to hear them talk to their kids. And it’s like all they can talk about. Maybe I’m being a jerk, but then for that 1 minute all they can talk about is their kid. To me it feels unbalanced and it feels like a loss for me. And their are some friends where our connection has become distant b/c I feel like we have no real/authentic/genuine conversations b/c they can only talk about their kids. I do have some friends that keep things in balance. I find this post very refreshing…especially to hear a “mom” writing it. And who knows, I may be just as guilty talking about my dog all the time?? I don’t know.. Please know I’m not trying to trash parenthood or people who decide to have kids. It’s just hard for me as a non-breeder to lose connections I once cherished and to see people who were out-going and who had multiple interests and hobbies drop everything and only be able to focus on their kids. It just feels unbalanced to me. I realize I may seem like a total jerk. Hopefully I’ve articulated my point well. My intention is not to be an a-hole. I guess I just feel like we both end up missing out on something and I also think it can be unhealthy at times for a kid to be the center of someone’s universe b/c it sets them up to think they will always get their way, be entitled or self righteous and should always be the center of everyone’s universe. I hope my point is clear and I don’t sound like a jerkoff.

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      No, no. I agree with you although who knows if when my kids were little and I still liked that (hahaha) if I talked about stuff OTHER then them. I never bragged. It’s just so stupid.

      I get annoyed when it’s always about the kids.

  12. Faith.The Blond.
    December 19, 2011

    My goal in life? To get them to 21, preferably without a criminal record or having made me a grandma, and get them the hell out of my house as productive members of society.

    Don’t get me wrong, I brag about my girls…absolutely…but I don’t brag about how much smarter my child is compared to someone else’s. Because, let’s face it, if you, as a parent, haven’t figure out how smart ( or stupid) your kid is, me bragging about it would be pointless. And if you HAVE figured it out, again, pointless, cause you already know. I just brag cause I’m proud of how hard they have worked and they deserve to know that I’m proud of them.

    As for your mood…eh..I know the feeling well, my friend. All to well.

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      sounds like you’re my kind of gal

  13. Margaret
    December 19, 2011

    Great post, Lynn and so true all of it.
    Thanks for your blog!

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      You’re very welcome

  14. Jo
    December 19, 2011

    I remember quite clearly when I was stressing about my son not being potty-trained, and I was told, “He’ll be potty-trained by the time he’s married.” I stopped worrying about all of that stuff then.
    And then there’s the fact that you do all that you can do to raise them well, and they go out and make mistakes anyway. Because that’s pretty much how life works.
    So, you’re right. That stuff is really not important. Being there for each other as human beings is. (And as such, I hope that things get better for you so that you’re not feeling annoyed at things so much, but your “rants” give us things to bond over.)

    • Lynn
      December 19, 2011

      hahaha…i’m feeling better..i wrote this last week but thanks

  15. Mayor Gia
    December 19, 2011

    You’re right – people shouldn’t be competitive in parenting/childhood development. That being said, I don’t have kids. And I’m super competitive in wine drinking…it’s why I post about it so often. That, and my crazy old man Boyfriend. I’m very territorial with him.

    Rawr. Mine.
    Mayor Gia recently posted..Boyfriend’s Business Trip Part IMy Profile

  16. alaina
    December 19, 2011

    i dont have kids, so i definitely dont care to hear about other people’s kids. and i doubt that will change once i have some of my own.

  17. […] The Tangible Place To Forge A New Path As A WriterOld Tweener: My Christmas SecretAll Fooked Up: In Which The Bullshit Doesn’t MatterJohn Paul: An Open Latter To Chick-Fil-AHave you come across a great read? Tell us where to find it […]

  18. Venus
    December 22, 2011

    I’m on my first ankle-biter, and I’m already trying to be conscious about not becoming competitive, or letting my parents (1st-time grandparents now) become competitive (which appears to already be a problem, would you believe it??). You’re right that all that is just bullshit.

    Having said that, I *do* sometimes write about my boy on my blog, when he makes me particularly happy or whatever. But I think that’s pretty normal, and I’m not at all offended that any stories I may write in the future about toilet training or how cute he is won’t interest you in the least, heh.
    Venus recently posted..The little engine that… whoaMy Profile

    • Lynn
      December 22, 2011

      yeah…that’s normal. just not the “my kid did extraordinary type stuff” … at least, in my opinion

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