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In which the choice is his

I was just on the phone discussing college applications with someone and she was explaining the difference between boys and girls in the college process.  It was somewhat interesting in that she explained that girls get “attached” to schools.  For example: “What sorority will I be in? Where will I live? I want this t-shirt, etc.” Boys, however, have a much more difficult time actually visualizing themselves at the school.

 

I can understand that because Daniel seems to be having a much less emotional response to the different colleges and seems to be much more pragmatic about his approach to schools. More of an “I like this or I don’t like that sort of thing.”  This summer we will continue the college visits and the goal is for him to finish his essays and stuff over the summer so we don’t have the “panic” of dealing with that shit senior year.

 

The woman who I was discussing this with was the tutor who helped Daniel with the Critical Reading portion of his SAT’s.  She is also going to help him get his applications together since I think that when I’m involved, things go to pot.  At any rate, I was asking her how you would get across Daniels’ history to a college and she had no idea what I was talking about.

 

I said, there are millions of “Daniels” out there; smart kids with good grades and good scores; what makes him unique is his story.  I then realized that I had never shared his story with her and I then proceeded to do so.  If you don’t know the story you can read it here and here.

 

As I said, what makes Daniel unique is that he started out so dysfunctional and now he’s sweet, articulate, warm, loving and extremely personable.  This was not, however, achieved without a GREAT DEAL of hard work; both on Daniels part and on mine.  We worked with a whole team of professionals to successfully “fix” Daniel’s various and sundry issues.

 

So, how do you get that across in a college application?  Indeed, what makes Daniel so unusual isn’t the result but the journey and the mere fact that he has been as successful as he has.  Personally, we never could have dreamed of such success way back in the day and even when he was in middle school, I despaired of him even graduating high school.

 

So, since to Daniel it was just part of his life and honestly, a part of his life he both dismisses and doesn’t remember all that well, how do you explain the uniqueness of the situation?  So, that’s where I’m at today.  Daniel is uncomfortable sharing the information and yet, that’s what makes him different which is what it’s all about in college applications.

 

I suppose it comes down to the age old question of how much of you do you share?  It’s different for each individual and it’s such a personal choice that there’s really no right and wrong.

 

What I’ve decided to do it to explain the story to the woman working with him on his essays, send her the two posts I’ve written and then leave it up to Daniel and her to decide.  After all, in the long run it really isn’t about what I want for Daniel but it’s about what Daniel wants for himself.

 

Sometimes as a parent, that’s such a tough thing to remember.

 

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14 Comments

  1. Marinka
    May 26, 2011

    Great. Now we’re supposed to take into account what kids want for themselves?! (good luck to Daniel. And to you!)

    • Lynn
      May 26, 2011

      hahaha…only when you get to the third….the first two times drove me nuts

      also, i’m all about free advice so if you want to know anything, feel free to ask

  2. Julia Vaughn
    May 26, 2011

    I’m so tired of Moms. I didn’t have any kids so I guess it’s jealousy. Or boredom. anyway the best of luck because there aren’t any jobs after college. I know. Tell him to take Spanish. that’s a sure in.

    • Lynn
      May 26, 2011

      hahaha…i’m not much of one for moms either but since i talk about my life and those kids are part of it, they get talked about here. Sorry

  3. The Stiletto Mom
    May 26, 2011

    This post gives me hope. My daughter has severe ADD which was only diagnosed this year, in third grade, the hardest of all elementary grades. The entire year has been a struggle of doctor visits, me harping on the school system, tutors and more. I finally got word today that she is going to be given some accomodations next year and I cried with relief.

    It does my heard good to hear your story, that the struggles I have now might very well lead to an incredibly balanced and smart kid. At least I hope my story has the same ending.

    Well done Lynne, well done.

    • Lynn
      May 26, 2011

      Good luck in your journey and I hope it’s as successful as ours has been

  4. Lady Estrogen
    May 26, 2011

    It is a really tough thing to remember for a lot of parents!!
    I’ll have to store this post away and read it again in 16 years. LOL
    Lady Estrogen recently posted..Hello- Hello MondayMy Profile

    • Lynn
      May 26, 2011

      That’s too funny

  5. Casey Freeland
    May 26, 2011

    Oh, so hard. You are a good mama, though you should already know that. (My wife hates it when people tell her she’s a good mama because she thinks it’s condescending.) I am so off topic.

    Anyway, your love for him is so obvious and wonderful. It’s great to read about. He’ll do great!

    Cheers,

    Casey

    • Lynn
      May 27, 2011

      hahaha…i just need my kids to think i’m a good mom and i’m pretty sure they do. Thanks so much for always being so, so supportive. You da best!

  6. Margaret
    May 27, 2011

    I think your giving the tutor the links to your posts where you detailed Daniel’s journey is perfect! How awesome! The tutor will love it! What a great starting point.

    • Lynn
      May 27, 2011

      thanks…i’m just hoping the third time around is much less stressful than the other two times

  7. Vanita
    May 31, 2011

    eh, what’cha need is a marketer. seriously. my oldest teen is in high school. her first year.

    i’ve listened to the guidance counselor speak about college applications and getting scholarships. let me tell you, they start preparing these kids for college their first year. my daughter has already seen 3.

    and? the guidance counselor? she doesn’t just help fill out applications, that woman makes each student marketable. last year their seniors received a total of over 2 million dollars in scholarships. Public NYC HS, who would have thought it possible?

    • Lynn
      May 31, 2011

      that’s unbelievable…they start Marketing them there that early? holy shit!

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