This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
In which the spider was HUGE
As you know, in the past few months I’ve stepped on a copperhead, had the place checked for mice, eliminated a huge hornets nest that was IN MY WALL and now, to top it off THIS happened:
The set up is that Kevin is taking a shower and I’m washing my face and brushing my teeth. Got it?
Kevin: Lynn, don’t look behind you (like I would have UNTIL he said that)
Me: what?
Kevin: just do me a favor and don’t look in the bathtub
Me: are you kidding me? Now I’m dying to look in the bathtub
Kevin: trust me and just don’t look
Me: do you know me at all?
Kevin: fine, but I was trying to save you some angst
So I look in the bathtub and HOLY SHIT!
There is the largest goddamn spider EVER!!!
Me: oh my god! I think that’s a Brown Recluse
Kevin: I’m rinsing off and then I’ll kill it
Me: I have to take a picture … what the fuck is happening in this house?
Kevin: get the cat out of here! (cuz she’s all curious and shit)
Me: I can’t get a picture. The damn thing keeps moving.
Kevin: just get out of here
So I get the picture although it’s a bit blurry and I’m not sure you can tell that it was HUGE and then Kevin gets rid of it.
Me: DO NOT flush it down the toilet or I’ll never be able to use our bathroom again
Kevin: I’m going to take it and throw it outside
Meanwhile, I had texted it to everyone in the family and Andie announced she was never coming home again and was now killing herself.
Daniel told me that I wouldn’t die but that my skin would have necrosis if the spider bit me.
Keely didn’t respond.
Kevin killed it.
I Googled it and now I don’t think it was a Brown Recluse; I think it was a WOLF SPIDER and they’re huge.
Also now I’m scared to go to the bathroom in the dark.
Also I called the Terminix guy who has already come out 5 times for the hornets and may be sick of me.
Apparently I’m living in a jungle.
Wish me luck!!
Follow Me
Subscribe by Email
Categories
Recent articles
- Favorite posts25 Jun 2020
- In which i discuss gym etiquette — repost30 Dec 2018
- In which I’m a fish whisperer19 Oct 2016
- In which i have a political opinion30 Sep 2016
- In which I almost forgot my moms birthday09 Sep 2016
Follow All Fooked Up
Search
All Fooked Up Store
Testimonials
Lynn MacDonald Art
I can relate. As the days get cooler we have huge spiders walking all over our living room most evenings. Which isn’t great becuase Hubby has a real phobia of them.
He rang me up yesterday when I was in bed at 6am because there was a spider and he was trapped in the living room because it was on the walkway we uses to get to our stairs. Seriously! I could have thrown something at him.
OMG…that’s like my girls. I’d kill him. also hahaha
I hate that it’s spider season. While I don’t mind spiders, I do mind them in my house. Thankfully I have a built in Spider Killer (aka my cat Lucy). She won’t eat them, thank god, but she’ll kill them, also thank god. I’ve noticed so far this year that the spiders, at least here in Seattle, are HUGE.
i see spiders OUTSIDE quite a bit. I’ve been trying to figure out how that damn thing got in the house. It was soooo big
I just read somewhere, that peppermint oil sprayed will keep them at bay… can’t hurt… Hate spiders, but we have them, so I am going to try it.
ugghh…isn’t that what i pay the exterminator for????
The guy doesn’t want to be unemployed… It is like a doctor…Gives you just enough…to still need him!
Hahahs. I don’t know. He’s basically on a salary and he likes me
Might I recommend you just burning the house down and starting over? Somewhere not there. Spiders are bad but I think I would have fled when you discovered the hornets in the wall. Have you been playing Jumanji?
hahaha…Jumanji! too funny
I live lakeside in a forest. Our most common spider seems to be the brown recluse and I kill a few each month indoors. Our detached garage has lots of them. My spouse is not happy…haha.
ugghh…that’s awful. I’m not sure I would survive