This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which there are bats in the belfry


It all started with a bat.  You see, I was locking up last night before bed and something flew by and I said to Kevin “shit, there’s a bird in the house” and then he came in and said “damn it that’s a bat!” and I died.


Except I didn’t.  I did what anyone would do.  I yelled to Daniel, who was upstairs, to close off all the doors to the bedrooms and I ran to my computer to Google “how to get a bat out of your house.”


I learned all about bats in the house and it turns out that the bat didn’t want to be in the house any more than I wanted him (or her) to be in my house.


Kevin dressed in a hazmat suit (not really) and because Daniel is so awesome, the bat was corned in my art room.


Kevin informed me that my art would probably have bat shit all over it (which would possibly improve it, who knows?) and we went into the room and opened all the windows while the bat went batshit (hahaha) and flew around in circles.


Apparently, you are supposed to open the windows and turn off the lights and hopefully the bat will leave.  If not, get a broom and gently (hahaha) coax the bat to move towards the window.


This method is remarkably similar to my hummingbird removal method that I use for my screened in porch so I felt pretty confident.


We left the bat alone for an hour and went back and VOILA! The bat was gone.


Of course, that meant that all night I was wondering a) how did the bat get into my house and b) were there any more?


Mostly b because holy shit, I didn’t want any more bats in my house!


This morning the doorbell rang at 9:30 and Terminix was there just because it was that time of month.  Hahaha


I explained about the bat and he said he’d look up in the attic and crawl spaces to make sure I had NO MORE BATS and I didn’t but GODDAMNIT I have a shitload of mouse shit everywhere.


Apparently, because of the rain the mice have been having a field day in my attic areas.


Now I’m pissed because a) I hate mice and b) apparently they leave pee everywhere which c) I didn’t know and d) we are always supposed to wash everything down that comes from the attic spaces but e) that’s where all the kids college type stuff is and the result is f) FUCK!


So now I’m waiting on Terminix to get rid of my mice so I can seal up my crawlspace better and hopefully have no bats or mice and did I mention snakes? Yup, they’re in the crawlspace.


Yeah, I’m freaking.

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  1. Julie
    August 15, 2013

    “Freaking” is impressive. I’d be moving!
    Good luck and I’m with you on the mice. They make me completely mental.

  2. Theresa
    August 15, 2013

    Ok…I just died…I won’t be able to sleep for days thinking about bats and mice and snakes, OH MY!!!! You are a better woman than I. Would have just packed up and left.

  3. Jodi
    August 15, 2013

    The good news is that the snakes will eat the mice. Bad news, the snakes will seek the heat sources in your house and you will find one in your dryer. I’d move.

    • Lynn
      August 15, 2013

      Omg. Really?

  4. Rich D
    August 21, 2013

    Ha ha…good post. Lynn. So far this year I’ve had one bat and 2 birds (both wrens) in the house. Took 30 minutes to get rid of the bat. DS didn’t move off the couch. Also had a squirrel in the car…the dumb shit (or maybe smart shit) was helping himself to the new 40 pound bag of dog food in the back of the SUV. I had left the side door open while carrying groceries into the house. Didn’t discover him until the next day. Looked like a drunken squirrel party had taken place in there.

    • Lynn
      August 22, 2013

      wow…bet that was a mess. I have never had any of those things in my house. Guess I’m luckier than i thought

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