This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which there’s no crying in dodgeball

Broken Windshield

So yesterday Daniel and I took an epic road trip down to Charlotte for a Lacrosse tournament.  Well, it probably wasn’t epic and very frankly I was sleepy and sweltering the entire time but in SPITE of all that, we had fun.


Well, I had fun.  Daniel just ran around in 90-degree weather in a dark blue lacrosse uniform with layers of pads and a helmet and he was dying of heat stroke.  Also, he got a terrible suntan because of all the pads.  I actually got a bit of a raccoon tan myself, which is annoying, but I actually had a MUCH better time than I expected to.


You see, I really didn’t know the other parents very well and I had just spent three days up in Asheville being nice and I was pretty sure I was 100% out of any niceness that was in my body.  However, the day began with a bit of awesome when I plopped myself down in the shade to talk to some people.


I had just explained that I had been in Asheville for a “blogging conference” so I had to explain what a “blogging conference” was which led to what a “blog” was which led to what “my blog” was which led to a huge discussion on THE APOCALYPSE!  As you know, or you would if you paid attention to what I say, this is my favorite topic of conversation.  Actually, we began with the rapture.


Me:                  … for example, I wrote a post on how I was disappointed that the rapture didn’t happen.


Person 1:        Why? Did you want to be taken?


Me:                  Hell no!  But how awesome would it have been to get rid of all those sanctimonious SOB’s?


Person 1:        Anybody you know?


Me:                  Yeah I know some of them.   Would have been awesome.   “See ya peeps!”  I’m so bummed it didn’t happen though.


Person 1:        That’s an interesting perspective.


Me:                  Yeah, it makes me think of the apocalypse which makes me think of my birthday which was last week and I went and shot a crossbow.  Kinda poorly though.


Person 1:        You SHOT a crossbow? Why?


Me:                  Why? Are you kidding me? I’ve been working on my weaponry and survival skills for years.


Person 2:        How do you do that?


Me:                  I just watch movies, which are always highly factual, and then decide I MUST learn how to do that.


Person 2:        … like what skills


Me:                  Siphoning gas for example.


Person 1:        Did you know that you could buy a machine that helps you do that?


Me:                  Really? What are the odds you have that machine with you when you need to siphon gas.


Person 1:        It’s like that thing when your car gets submerged.


Me:                  EXACTLY!!  You’re supposed to let the water fill up in your car and then break the window with that specialty thing but what are the odds you have it with you.


Person 2:        I know…like SHIT, I left the specialty window breaker thing in my OTHER car.


Me:                  Yeah, that would suck.


So anyways, that was an awesome conversation and then we had to watch a game, which was sweltering hot in the sun, but Daniels team did win.  Then we decided to go get a bite to eat.


FLASHBACK:  on the way to Asheville a rock hit my window and made a tiny little mark in the lower right hand corner.  As it didn’t affect me in any way, shape or form I drove back to Greensboro and the next day to Charlotte.  And did I mention it was sweltering in Charlotte?


So Daniel and I get in the car to get lunch.


Daniel:            Holy shit!


Me:                  What?


Daniel:            Look at that crack!


And I see that that little ding is now about a 3-foot crack on my windshield.


Me:                  Jeez!  That’s crazy…


Daniel:            Do you think its safe?


Me:                  I guess the sun did it…just totally expanded the damn crack!




Me:                  I have no idea.  I guess we’ll find out later


Daniel:            What if it shatters on me?


Me:                  Well that would suck for you.


Daniel:            You’re a terrible mother.  Do you know that?


Me:                  I am aware…



And later while I was roasting my way through the semifinals and Daniel was out there playing again.


Other:             What’s the score?


Me:                  I have no idea


Other:             Aren’t you paying attention?


Me:                  Kinda.  I don’t want to be too observant as it will ruin my reputation as a bad mom and a lousy human being.


Other:             … so you don’t know if they’re winning


Me:                  nah…it’s win-win for me either way


Other:             How so?


Me:                  Well, if they win then we’re in the finals and they’re happy …


Other:             … and


Me:                  … and if they lose then we get to hop in the car and get the hell out of here!


Other              That’s terrible!


Me:                  nahhhh…it’s just a matter of how you look at it.


And last but not least between Daniel and myself:


Me:                  It’s like that expression Daniel


Daniel:            What expression mom?


Me:                  You know, “there’s no crying in dodgeball”


Daniel             baseball


Me:                  What?


Daniel             The expression is “there’s no crying in baseball”


Me:                  So you can cry in dodgeball then?


Daniel:            I don’t know… that’s not the expression!


Me:                  Why is there no crying in baseball anyways?


Daniel:            I can’t imagine other kids have to put up with this crap!



SEE?  An EPIC day!


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  1. Katja Brown
    June 30, 2011

    Glad you made it back to Greensboro safely with the crack in your windshield. Hope you got it taken care of!

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      it’s getting fixed today actually

  2. Name *
    June 30, 2011

    Can’t believe you were in Charlotte and you didn’t stop by! We have AIR CONDITIONING here and HARD LEMONADE! What else would you need? Great post! Made me giggle. And who knew you were also preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse? Wait…your version includes Zombies doesn’t it? Otherwise I may have to renege my invitation for free air conditioning and alcohol.

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      I try to be ready for any and all sorts of apocalypses. also, other various and sundry disasters like asteroids or wrecks and stuff. Trust me, i would have loved to have been in the AC but felt that every once in a while i should do a “mothering” type thing. Like attending my kids tournament. Yeah, stuff like that! Thanks for reading!!!

  3. Brad Procton
    June 30, 2011

    Just so we are clear on this. How is it that you don’t even remember this particular Jerry Procton lecture?: Safety Glass Lynn is made up of 3 parts. Outside glass is laminated to the plastic inner liner…which is laminated to the inside glass. So this way everyone is safe and the crack gets longer and you can laugh about it. So again…… do you not know this?



    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      ahhh…i can never remember anything. you should know that

  4. KLZ
    June 30, 2011

    My dad actually encourages me to purchase all those life saving devices. You know I’d totally accidentally kill myself with one.

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      that’s awesome…i love, love, love discussing all that crap

  5. Melody
    June 30, 2011

    You know it’s amazing isn’t it how we go from “the best mom ever” to ” you’re a terrible mother” in the space of moments isn’t it. Gotta love em. Can’t live with em, can’t shoot em.

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      yeah… i KNOW my kids like me in spite of themselves

  6. SoberJulie
    June 30, 2011

    I am truly glad to know that I’m not the only one who notices the inconsistencies in movies while I’m supposed to be on the edge of my seat.

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      yeah i sit there and go NO WAY all the time

  7. Trinh
    June 30, 2011

    Let’s not forget that when we were actually paying attention (during the semis), the boys played worse which encouraged us to talk more watch less….

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011


  8. By Word of Mouth Musings
    June 30, 2011

    ooh … just saw Sober Julie up there … I love her :)
    Ian got one of those little holes that expanded and grew and destroyed my line of vision but not his since he is like a whole foot taller than me, and he couldn’t be bothered getting it fixed til it started to fall in – men!
    And yes, I have that little thing for knocking out your window, but have no idea where it is. On the plus side, if you went into water in Florida, there would probably be alligators – and quite frankly I would rather drown than be torn limb from limb so I am not even going to bother looking for it ;)

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      hahaha…i love that perspective. I wouldn’t bother either if my choice was drowning or being torn up by alligators. too funny

      we are going to have some fun in San Diego girl!!!

  9. Megan (Best of Fates)
    June 30, 2011

    He is quite blessed to have you. And those other parents sound awesome! Well, some of them.

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      I always tell my kids how lucky there are to have me as a mom but they never believe me. I did have fun chatting with the other parents. Thanks for commenting!!!

  10. EPIC indeed. I admire your ability to remember all of that, with the heat and all.

    And I look forward to the day that I get the eye rolls and whole “you’re embarrassing me MOM” lecture. Fun times indeed.

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      Yeah…I forget a lot of conversations but honestly, we have soooo many silly ones that there’s plenty to choose from

  11. Sharyn
    June 30, 2011

    Really all you need to get out of a submerged car is a honking big diamond ring you can use to cut the glass, so tell your husband to get on that right away.

    • Lynn
      June 30, 2011

      Hmmm… I don’t even have my diamond and I don’t wear rings. I’ll just have to figure it out under water.

  12. Matt Kittoe
    July 1, 2011

    I’ve never told anyone this, but my sole purpose for working out is so that I can fend off hordes of zombies when I run out of ammo.

    Remember kids, fear of a coming apocalypse keeps you looking like a barbarian.

    • Lynn
      July 1, 2011

      hahaha…i can’t believe you haven’t publicized that. It’s always important to be in good shape when the apocalypse comes. for so very many reasons.

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