In which there’s one pony in the mail

 

You guys really, really seem to like the email conversations with Sarah so for your viewing pleasure, here is ANOTHER ONE!  It all started when I wrote a serious post entitled “In which I discuss blogging competition” and I got a million comments. (Well, not exactly a million but quite a few).

 

A new reader named Gwendolyn left me a comment, which I then responded to.  Here it is:

 

Gwendolyn Francis

December 9, 2011

I am fairly new to blogging. Have had mine up for three months and love writing my crazy-ass stories. I have struggled with the whole concept of gaining readership. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, but at the same time, I feel like I put so much time and effort into my blog, I’d love to have more than 3 people reading it (who all happen to be illiterate and from a remote island off the coast of Fiji.)

I love your message about just being genuine and authentic. And I do agree that people shouldn’t get all “you are cheating on me with another blog.”

It’s nice for a change to read a post ABOUT blogging and all the shit it brings up.

 

To which I replied:

 

what are the ODDS of having 3 illiterate people from Fiji read your blog? I mean really? All i can say is have patience and …. well that’s all. I started out by harassing my friends. All that stat counting shit will drive you up the wall and .. if you think you’re funny, send in a guest post for “go ahead, amuse me”

 

Then Sarah responded to my comment (below) so I went to check out Gwen’s blog cuz you know I love me some Sarah!

 

According to her most recent post, she’s pretty darn funny. I’ve even offered to do volunteer work for her fabulous charity. Check it out…it’s one of the best reasons I’ve found to fill your bra with money!

 

To which I responded to Sarah’s comment:

 

wait…who’s funny…me? or her?

 

And then Sarah said:

 

Both of you…I will say that you are funnier though, and if you assume it’s because I’m still waiting for that rideable pony, then I dare you to send me one and see what happens!

 

To which I then responded:

 

i wanted to but all the ponies i have available are unridable for some reason. I don’t even understand it myself. and why is this not an email so i can copy and paste this into a post. Jesus…you’re screwing me up here. Ooops…forgot it was your birthday. One pony in the mail

 

At about the same time, Sarah started complaining that my blog wouldn’t let her comment any more (limits on nesting comments had been reached) and I received the following email.

From: Sarah Ross

To: Lynn MacDonald

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 5:30 PM

Subject: Re: copy & paste

Here’s your copy & paste…cheese & rice, do I have to do everything in this relationship? AND ON MY BIRTHDAY???? Good grief, Charlie Brown. By the way…I call bullshit on that pony situation. Also, on the fact that the blog is no longer giving me an option to reply to your latest reply. I thought this was a way more classy operation.

From: Lynn MacDonald

To: Sarah Ross

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 5:34 PM

Subject: Re: copy & paste

I’m sorry but do I seem classy to you? Who are you? Ron Burgandy saying “stay classy San Diego?”. Also, I just went and CHANGED the setting so you could just keep on commenting…Happy Fucking Birthday!!!!

Hahahahaha

Lynn aka me aka … Whatevs

From: Sarah Ross

To: Lynn MacDonald

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 5:36 PM

Subject: Re: copy & paste

I appreciate you changing the settings, but I’ve chosen not to comment because I feel it’s starting to look like a pathetic cry for attention. I almost dare not ask, but who is Ron Burgandy? Why is Sandy Aygo slummin’ it after all this time?

Here’s another question…who’s leg do I have to train a unicorn to hump to stop your blog from constantly accusing me of being a spambot? I think I’ve proven myself human enough to consistenly choose the 3rd and 6th letter of that masterful anti-spambot test.

From: Lynn MacDonald

To: Sarah Ross

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 5:39 PM

Subject: Re: something funny

I don’t know why you keep getting rejected.  It’s not supposed to after you have one approved comment.  Perhaps it’s your spelling? Or it could be parental neglect from when you were a small child.  How the hell am I supposed to know? Isn’t it enough that I’m the font of all knowledge? I’m not a fucking miracle worker here!

Oh yeah, it’s your birthday.  Sorry about that…

From: Sarah Ross

To: Lynn MacDonald

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 6:37 PM

Subject: Re: something funny

I don’t appreciate your constant attacks on my fucking spelling. I am a fucking spelling champ! Give me any word and I will spell the shit out of it. Dang.

From: Lynn MacDonald

To: Sarah Ross

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 6:49 PM

Subject: Re: something funny

Woah…now just because it’s your birthday thats no reason to abuse the elderly (me BTW).  Perhaps things are just different down in Texas but I will no longer harass you about spelling.  Just to be clear, please let me know what exactly I AM allowed to harass you about.

Also, I forgot…it’s your birthday.  Happy birthday…

I am, at present, thinking of a word I can send to you without spelling it out for you.  This is proving difficult.  Did the pony come in the mail yet????

Lynn aka me … Same as before

From: Sarah Ross

To: Lynn MacDonald

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 7:01 PM

Subject: Re: something funny

Um, sorry…I didn’t realize you had gotten all sensitive since our last email 10 minutes ago. If I give you permission to harrass me, I don’t think it can still be called harrassment. Everything is different in Texas…it’s like a whole other country down here.

Aw, thanks for remembering my birthday!

You could always send me a picture of something and ask me to spell it…still no pony.

From: Lynn MacDonald

To: Sarah

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 7:18 PM

Subject: Re: something funny

Since its your birthday I WILL acknowledge that point.  The harassment point, not the “Texas is a whole other country” point.  Did I remember to tell you Happy Birthday?  If not, my bad.

Ok, you could never be weak and pathetic.  I mean, they’re practically synonyms and I’m more descriptive than that.

I talked to Kevin and he forgot to ship the pony.  In lieu of that, I have an idea about a present.  Unfortunately, Kevin just got home and wants attention therefore…I will give you your present tomorrow.

This shouldn’t be a problem as you’re in a “whole different country”

By the way, Happy Birthday!

Lynn

From: Sarah Ross

To: Lynn MacDonald

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 7:36 PM

Subject: Re: something funny

Kevin was probably so busy with handing out all of the “excellence in vampire extrusion” awards at work that he forgot to ship my pony. That’s understandable. It’s important to recognize and appreciate your employees…especially when they think you look tasty. He’s not a Sookie type fairy, is he? They are delicious to vampires, as I’m sure you know.

I’m not going to continue this Texas conversation because it could get into some sketchy territory.

So are you saying I have to choose either weak, or pathetic?

Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday…or as my cousin’s friend says “Happy Vaginal Eviction Day”. Please drink a $3 bottle of wine in my honor…or perhaps some trash can punch. Here’s a toast incase you didn’t already have one in mind: Here’s to you. Here’s to me. If we should ever disagree…screw you, here’s to me!

I anxiously await my present.

Have a fabulous night paying undivided attention to your husband :)

spell it…still no pony.

From: All Fooked Up

To: Sarah Ross

Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:33 AM

Subject: Re: something funny

Kevin is indeed a busy guy, what with the “working” and all.  Just this morning he informed me that “Winter is Coming” and that i would basically need to get my shit together.  Speaking of shit, how was your birthday?  I’m really sorry you didn’t get my gift and as a replacement, i have made you a present.

Here it is:

 

Now considering all the work i put into this pony i certainly hope that you have a fine sense of appreciation.  Let me know how very much you love it.

Lynn

From: Sarah Ross

To: Lynn MacDonald

Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:36 AM

Subject: Re: copy & paste

Kevin is right. Winter is, indeed, coming.

I do love my pony so very much! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! And as soon as my other pony comes in the mail (along with my trophy) then I will have 2 ponies! Give me another and I will count it too!!!

It looks like such a happy day inside my birthday pony world! I’m going to hang out there most of the day…

I hope you enjoyed our email conversation as much as I did.  I can’t imagine this will be the last time I post one between the two of us!