This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which they came over and not fixed it

“Thanks for coming over Jack.  I’m going to see if I can come up with anything else that you can come over and NOT FIX”
 
“Thanks Lynn, I could have done without that remark”
 
And so it began…my run away thought process.  Once upon a time, realistically about two months ago, I was sitting on the couch in my family room when I heard a strange plopping noise.  “What could it be?” I wondered.  I certainly didn’t expect it to be a leak dripping down into my family room in a house that was only 8 years old.  Of course, I figured it was a fluke, wiped it up and forgot all about it until the next day … drip!
 
“SHIT” is what I’m thinking.  Now we have a leak.  Now I’ll have to tell Kevin, and he’ll make me check it out, and add it to a list of “things for Lynn to do,” and I’ll have stupid, irritating house shit to do, and I’m in the middle of blogging, and possibly getting famous, and probably launching my career as a professional talk show guest.   “Hmmm” I think, “maybe if I ignore it it’ll go away.”
 
And I was right. The next day it didn’t leak.  I was happy and forgot about it when it leaked again.  I had already figured out it only leaked when Daniel took a shower before school so I realized that maybe, he should just stop taking showers.  I asked Daniel and he refused.  Apparently smelly boys aren’t all that popular at school.  I decided to keep an eye on the situation before divulging a possible crisis to Kevin.  I waited and goddamn it, it’s leaking again.  I realize there’s a correlation between the leak and the rainfalls we’ve been having so I tell Kevin who instructs me to call a carpenter.  Not a problem.  I call but the carpenter doesn’t call back.  I don’t worry about it because it hasn’t leaked in a week and Kevin hasn’t brought it up so maybe everyone, including the leak, has forgotten about it.  No such luck.  Things seem better but wait a minute … wait a minute.  It’s fucking leaking again.  Now I’m going to have to take action.
 
I call the people who built the house and they send a couple of guys over.  By now, there’s a stain on the ceiling of my family room where the leak is and the wooden beam has a wet spot (don’t you hate the wet spot?  I always avoid that!)  They look at the ceiling and tell me that it’s obviously not very serious (did I seem like I was taking it seriously?  I don’t think so. I was just humoring my husband) and they’re sure that it’s an easy fix.  They look around in Daniel’s bathroom, tighten the overflow drain which was all turned around backwards or something that was explained to me in very boring plumbing terms that I can’t possibly be expected to remember, and voila!  No more leak.
 
So that’s all good and now life can go on and Kevin can get back to running the business and I can get back to the incredibly time consuming role of being me and we all lived happily ever after.  EXCEPT, we didn’t.  Nope. The other day I was sitting on my couch and I heard a PLOP.  Oh shit. It was leaking again.  So I called up Jack (the carpenter fellow) and said that the damn thing was leaking again.  Now it hasn’t rained in a while and it only leaked once this week and Daniel showers every day so seriously, WTF?  They tell me they’d be here at 8:30 this morning.  I wait.  And wait.  And wait.  And then I say fuck it and I leave.  I mean, I got shit to do! Well, kinda …sorta.  They call at 12:30 and say they’re on the way.  I give them shit about being late because that’s what I do; I give people shit.  Don’t ask me why. I wouldn’t hang out with me.  They walk in and I show them the ceiling, show them the leak and off they go upstairs.  Ten minutes…twenty minutes…forty minutes…Jack comes downstairs.  “Is it leaking?” he asks.  “No,” I reply.  “I can’t get it to leak,” he tells me.  “We couldn’t get it to leak on purpose either.” I explain to him. “Apparently, it’s an ‘I’m fucking with your head’ kind of leak.”
 
He tells me that they’re going to have to come over and start cutting the drywall out of the ceiling so they can trace the source of a leak.  Then he tells me, even though I’m trying my damndest to look completely bored and uninterested, about this time where he had to sleuth out this leak and he was all Sherlock Holmes on the leak and finally figured it out and fixed it… after screwing up an entire ceiling.   Well, I’m pretty psyched at the thought of him screwing up my entire ceiling right before Christmas when all my kids will be home and I’m having company.  I’m really happy.  He tells me they’ll be back on Monday to begin the process of ruining a perfectly beautiful house when I tell him, “thanks for coming over Jack.  I’m going to see if I can come up with anything else that you can come over and NOT FIX.”
 
So that’s where we started, and that’s where I’m ending.  I have a leak.  It’s a sneaky leak and apparently, it’s going to be a never ending leak.  The good news is that there will be extra people around for me to be mean to and if this morning was any indication, possibly there will be some good stories.  OK?  Aren’t you glad you’re reading my blog?

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12 Comments

  1. Abby
    January 4, 2011

    That’s right Lynn; you tear ’em a new one. Way to go, lady!

    • Lynn
      January 4, 2011

      Hahaha…I actually did it in a fun, but incredibly mean, way! Anyhoo, we got it fixed by having them rip up my family room. It was funny though!

  2. Victoria KP
    January 4, 2011

    That usually happens to me with the mechanic. Whatever weird thing that is going on with my car goes away when the mechanic checks it. He’ll say, “Just bring it over as soon as it happens again.” Of course, then it happens in the middle of the night or when I’m 100 miles away.

    • Lynn
      January 4, 2011

      Ahhhh…the car thing, that used to happen ALL.THE.TIME with my husbands car. Finally, he sold the damn thing…it had a squeak which they could NEVER duplicate when it was getting serviced…for years. Drove him crazy!

  3. Alexandra
    January 4, 2011

    Oh, I hate having a home for that very reason.

    Always something. Always.

    Came to wish you a happy new year!!

    • Lynn
      January 4, 2011

      Thank you…Happy New Year to you too! I guess the down side is not having a house so I guess I will keep the house…and the leaks…and possibly my kids!

  4. By Word Of Mouth
    January 4, 2011

    Personally I believe you should open the door wearing a tool belt and tell him you are going to help him fix it …
    nothing but a tool belt btw
    something should get done don’t cha think?

    • Lynn
      January 4, 2011

      Well…trust me when I tell you that ME? In a tool belt? Naked? NOT a pretty picture…just…no.

  5. By Word of Mouth Musings
    January 5, 2011

    Just left you ‘blog love’ on my blog, go and pick it up :)

    • Lynn
      January 5, 2011

      Thanks girl…I went and checked it out and THANK YOU!!! Lots of love right back at you!

  6. BFF
    January 5, 2011

    I bet you that plumber guy questions his “expertise” when he comes to your house! Or else, he takes a xanax on the drive over!!! HAHA!!

    • Lynn
      January 5, 2011

      Hahaha…even I have to take a Xanax to be me!

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