This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which they’re chicken shits too!


So basically, what I learned yesterday, is that the only thing more chicken-shit than my animals is a snake?


It all started with a butt sniff (Side note: the other day I asked rhetorically “why do dogs always have to sniff butts?” and Andie replied that is was the “pheromones” and proceeded to launch into an explanation which I a) barely listened to and b) barely remember and c) certainly won’t bother you readers with).


Anyways, as I was saying it all started with a butt sniff.  I was outside with Tucker (my dog) and Butterscotch (my cat) and Andie (my kid) and we chilling on the front porch.


Tucker was ambling around in the yard doing whatever it is that dogs do when they’re in the yard ambling around and Butterscotch was sitting on the porch staring intensely into the bush next to the porch.  By intensely, I mean she was all crouched down and paying attention and not rolled over on her side fast asleep.


I believe that I have told you that my dog is a chicken shit and the only thing in the universe that he’s braver than is Butterscotch because she is tiny and jumpy and twitchy and sort of a spazz.  Nonetheless, she was looking at the bushes and Andie and I started wondering what in the world she was staring at.


Of course, we didn’t spend much time since the idiotic cat finds staring at an “ant” an exciting activity but still, we WERE wondering.   Eventually, Tucker came up to the porch and he walked up and proceeded to sniff her butt.




At any rate, he sniffed her butt and because she was all “intense” and stuff, she totally jumped at least an inch off the ground (hahaha) and had a heart attack.  Well, when she jumped a snack slithered off as fast as humanly possible (actually, scratch that) or actually faster and took off like a bat out of hell.


Or a snake out of the bushes …


Well, he took off because when Butterscotch had a heart attack it apparently scared the hell out of the snake and he took off.


All of which is the point of the entire tale, which is that apparently, my chicken shit animals are braver than a snake.


I investigated but couldn’t find the snake but Andie went inside cuz she hates snakes (so do I but I’m pretty sure it was a black snake) and apparently Andie is the biggest chicken shit of all.


Yup, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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  1. Theresa
    August 8, 2013

    oh man oh man oh man….I would have had the heart attack…cause that is what snakes do to me. YIKES! Can Andie write a new blues song about snakes and how many heart attacks they cause?

    Butt sniffing dogs…. and snake heart attacks…would be a CMA winner!

    • Lynn
      August 8, 2013

      hahaha…not sure Andie is a song writer anymore. I actually don’t like snakes either but did want to see where it went

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