This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which we constructed – part two

Comic Book Illustrations

Seriously guys, this entire post is just ONE DAY!!! That’s how this job is going.

Day 4, Thursday:


The tile guys call and 7:00 AM and say they’re on the way. They arrive at 8:30 AM so I’m not quite sure where they came from. I’m pretty sure they’re a local company.  They don’t ring the doorbell but I hear somebody outside and I go to check.  Two guys, who I NOW refer to as Tweedledee and Tweedledum (or T&T maybe), are out on the front porch spreading around the tile.


Me:                  what are you guys doing?


T&T:                Tim (the owner) wants you to pick out the tiles yourself


Me:                  okay, how many do we need?


T&T:                9


Me:                  well that’s fine EXCEPT that I need to pick them out in the shower so that I can hold them up against the other tiles.


… and then they look at me dumbfounded because they have them spread all over the porch and seriously? Do they expect me to pick them out without looking at the other 3 walls in the shower? Do you guys see what I’m dealing with?


So then they carry them all in the other room and I pick out 9 tiles and I think that maybe, MAYBE we’re good to do.


Then I tell Tweedledee (or maybe Tweedledum…I haven’t decided) “if you’re going to saw anything I really need you to close all the doors because the dust in this room and closet is ridiculous.”


He tells me that “all sawing will be done outdoors today” so I go back into the living room.  A few minutes later I hear a high-pitched whine and I go into the bathroom and DO YOU KNOW WHAT??????


Is he sawing? NO!!! He’s using a hand sander to sand down the tile edges. SERIOUSLY???????? How is the dust from that NOT the same?  I shake my head in frustration, close the door and kill myself.


No, not really.  I didn’t kill myself.  My first thought was blog post and my second thought was that if I got charged by IQ points this entire job would be about 20 bucks because I feel like I could have gone to school and learned plumbing and tiling and done this entire job in the ensuing time.


AND DID I MENTION THAT THE AIR CONDITIONER FROZE UP?  Yeah, it did.  Not just the downstairs but the upstairs too.  SO now the HVAC guy is here along with Tweedledee and Tweedledum and I haven’t worked out and I saw my shrink and I’m still crazy!!!


More later … after all, it’s just 12:41




I walk into the bathroom to see what’s going on and I ask them if they want me to open the windows.


Me:                  would you like me to open the windows


T&T:                oh, that would be great


And then…


T&T:                if we had known we could have opened the windows then things would have dried much faster yesterday


… and then I hung myself. No seriously! Yesterday I was sitting in the living room approximately 20 feet from them.  ALL DAY!! ALL. FUCKING. DAY.


They couldn’t just walk in and ask? OH MY GOD! There is no way I will survive this.




The HVAC guy was here for two hours and my AC didn’t freeze up.  NOT AT ALL.  The upstairs one is broken though so they’ll fix that. WTF????




Seriously, it just took them all day to place 9 tiles. Yeah, you heard me. 9 TILES! Guess they’re coming back tomorrow.


TO BE CONTINUED … yes again

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.


  1. Ronnie
    May 13, 2014

    Contractors are put on this earth to test our sanity! We just built another house because apparently the brain damage from the first time caused me to think it would be a good idea. Long story short nothing was done when it was supposed to be done and we ended up with less than 24 hours to move everything we owned. FUN!!

    • Lynn
      May 13, 2014

      I had no problem building the house. It’s the fixing that’s driving me nuts

  2. Cathy
    May 13, 2014

    This makes me feel marginally better about my contractor. He’s taken over two years to finish a bedroom and adjoining bath, which is infuriating, but he does an excellent job and sort of cleans up his mess. Sometimes.
    It’s amazing how often he “doesn’t get” his messages.
    Ok, so maybe it makes me feel marginally worse. Hard to say.

    • Lynn
      May 13, 2014

      i know i’m not unusual but this is ridiculous

  3. Julie
    May 13, 2014

    If I told MY contractor story no one would believe that I was telling the truth. As for the tile guys ~ getting paid by the hour, perhaps?

    • Lynn
      May 13, 2014

      ok, now i’m curious

  4. Glenn
    May 13, 2014

    Great post Lynn! I really laughed out loud!

    • Lynn
      May 13, 2014

      thanks…i wish i was making this up

Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest
Enter your Email

Recent articles

Follow Lynn on Facebook Follow Lynn on Twitter Follow Lynn via RSS Follow Lynn on Pinterest

Go to All Fooked Up Store 

Lynn MacDonald Art