This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which we discuss the urban legend

 
I know all you people out there are always feeling sorry for Kevin because he has to do everything around here on top of having a full time job, but you shouldn’t.  All of this shit I do is just ammunition for him.  There’s nothing Kevin likes better than talking shit about me.  The more things I screw up, the more he goes to work and EXAGGERATES it to make me look bad.  To say that he enjoys this aspect of our relationship would be a massive understatement.  
 
When we lived in our old house, we used to have a huge Christmas party every year.  It was a contemporary house so it had a “great” room that was huge and could accommodate a 12 foot tree and a few hundred people.  So we would have a party and I would decorate the house and have a caterer and it was loads of fun … for Kevin.  He would sit around with his basketball guys and get trashed while I ran around doing all the hostessing crap.  One year, I decided to get a cute centerpiece from the florist. It was a little stick Christmas tree with ribbons and Paper Mache ladybugs on it.  I, of course, neglected to ask the florist how much said tree would cost and it was incredibly overpriced.  I felt terrible about it but Kevin had such fun making fun of the ladybugs and me that, to him, it was almost worth it.  So, that’s our relationship; I screw up and he makes fun of me.    
 
One of Kevin’s favorite things to make fun of is “The Urban Legend” that is Lynn MacDonald.  When I go out, I’m incredibly extroverted but for the most part, I’m a loner so many people don’t know me all that well.  The most common, and to Kevin and I the most hilarious, misconception about me is that I’m “smart.”  It’s one of our favorite subjects to discuss, and discuss it we do.  Last night, Kevin and I were out at dinner having beers and a burger, and I said something stupid, which is typical, when Kevin started laughing.  I asked him what he was snickering about and he said “it just kills me that people think you’re intelligent.”  I started cracking up because it’s true; you can’t even imagine the number of times people say to Kevin, “wow, your wife is so smart!”
 
So I said to Kevin, “It’s so funny.  I don’t think I’ve said an intelligent thing in my life.  Why do you think people always say that to you?”  I can assure you that nobody ever says it to me.  It’s not that I don’t have a brain but I never sit around having any sort of intellectual conversations, so what is that assessment based on?  Well, Kevin and I had quite a few beers in us so here’s his answer in all its glory.  And by the way guys, he’s not being mean here.  We laugh about this ALL THE TIME:
 
“Lynn, I can only speculate but here goes:  first of all, you’re arrogant and I think people associate that with being smart.  You also have a false sense of confidence.  You pause a lot and people think you’re in deep thought when actually, you’re just really confused…”
 
(Now I’m cracking up because it’s true.  But let’s continue on …)
 
“You’re really, really good at insulting people and that’s often confused with intelligence.  You walk around like you’re pissed off and people think ‘oh God, if I say something stupid then she’ll get really mad.’  People know you went to Johns Hopkins and that you were a math major and they assume that led to a successful career.  Of course, you and I know that’s not the case and you bullshitted your way into a job and almost got fired constantly, but people don’t know that…”
 
(Wow.  Kevin’s really on a roll.  I’m not offended.  After all, it’s the truth.  I almost got fired every other day and actually have gotten fired from multiple jobs.  He continues on…)
 
“You’re not afraid to talk to anybody, anytime, about anything.  That bravado of yours makes people think you have something going on in your head.  I know you’re full of shit but other people don’t …”
 
(Well, it’s not false bravado in my opinion …)
 
“You also think you’re the shit…”
 
(Uh Kevin? I AM THE SHIT…)
 
“You constantly tell everybody that you’re dumb as hell and the reverse psychology really seems to work for you.  The more you tell people you’re dumb, the more convinced they are that you’re smart.”
 
(It’s true.  I constantly tell people that I’m dumb.  Then they look at me strangely and decide that I’m smart.  You should try this sometime)
 
“You’ve also been in therapy for 28 years and, of course, some of that shit is bound to wear off so occasionally, and I mean occasionally, you say something that actually makes sense…”
 
(Ah therapy! I’m a lifer, its true!)
 
“… and last, but not least, you’re really intimidating and people are probably too scared to admit you’re dumb!”
 
And there we have it.  Kevin MacDonald, he who knows me better than anyone else, debunking the Urban Legend that Lynn MacDonald has a brain.  So, what do you think?  Am I dumb?  Crafty?  Manipulative?  Or Intelligent?  Fact is, I’m all of the above.  Just don’t tell anyone because…sssshhhh…it’s a SECRET!

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21 Comments

  1. Lady Estrogen
    March 16, 2011

    OMG – I think I just heard my husband describe me! Especially: You pause a lot and people think you’re in deep thought when actually, you’re just really confused.
    hahaha… fantastic.

    • Lynn
      March 16, 2011

      We laugh about it all the time…so funny

  2. Queen Mahin
    March 16, 2011

    Ha, Ha, hyperbole! Also laughing with Lady Estrogen: if pausing is a sign of intelligence, then I’m really smart, too. How about getting toungue-tied, do you think that might be a sign of brilliance?
    Queen Mahin recently posted..Home Improvement – The BackstoryMy Profile

    • Lynn
      March 16, 2011

      No doubt that getting lost in your own story is a sign of sheer brilliance.

  3. Sharon Heg
    March 16, 2011

    Well, since I’ve never met you, I don’t know which of those things you are. You’re a good writer though – and you’re funny – and you have to have at least some brains in your head to be able to do either, never mind both. But if nothing else, yep, my hubby teases me about stuff I do and say all the time – usually with good reason. I just make sure that I always have my arsenal equally ready ;-)
    Sharon Heg recently posted..The Birthday QuestionMy Profile

    • Lynn
      March 16, 2011

      I’m all of those things…I’m smart and dumb at the same time. But people have these opinions about me based on myth. It’s really quite funny. At any rate, I’m just me and I’m ok with that. I don’t seem to be very funny on the west coast thoug so I’m coming home.

  4. Pixi
    March 16, 2011

    I gotta say false, because even if you don’t hold intellectual conversation with a monacle over your eye, you have a lot of knowledge. I think people are smart in many different ways.
    My mother, for example, could ace any academic exam put in front of her, but would break down in tears when it came to technology or I’d like to see her sit down & try to figure out Twitter, blogging & self promotion (or even half of the other unrelated things you know about) without her head actually exploding.

    Not only am I convinced you’re smart, I think it’s in ways which are really cool & valuable.
    Can’t down yourself all the time. ;~} I don’t think there’s always truth to it, even if you see it that way.

    • Lynn
      March 16, 2011

      Hahaha…you see through it all don’t you. I’m not saying I’m dumb but you wouldn’t even believe how often people make comments to Kevin about me. Tis hilarious.

  5. Angel
    March 16, 2011

    Note to self: Must pause as though I am deep in thought at my next job interview (though I won’t be trying the “I’m dumb as shit” reverse psychology there. Those dudes get way too literal for my liking)

    • Lynn
      March 17, 2011

      hahaha…hey, don’t try these things in an interview. Really, DON’T DO IT!

  6. RDB
    March 17, 2011

    “ditto” to Kevin’s perspective of you! I would say that you’re absolutely intimidating to most and they don’t know how to respond. Plus your “comebacks” are way faster than most peoples which tends to make them feel “dumb” (myself included………but, many years ago)!!! Those who know you, know that they have to roll with the punches or they’ll never get to know the “real you” and then the fun begins!! Everyone needs a little Lynn MacDonald in their life!!

    • Lynn
      March 17, 2011

      Hahaha…thanks Robin…what would I do without all those funny conversations…I actually need some now. Are you in town?

  7. FranceRants
    March 19, 2011

    I don’t buy for a second that you are dumb. You can’t have witty comebacks if you’re dumb. You just canNOT.

    And sometimes acting like you’re dumb, is really a VERY smart thing to do….

    • Lynn
      March 19, 2011

      I’m not dumb…just not as brilliant as all these people think

      • FranceRants
        March 20, 2011

        sorry. my bad.
        FranceRants recently posted..High School Yearbook RantMy Profile

        • Lynn
          March 20, 2011

          What does that mean?

          • FranceRants
            March 25, 2011

            that i referred to you as ‘dumb’ vs. not as brilliant :)

  8. Name *
    March 22, 2011

    First of all, I like you with glasses!

    Second, I think you are wonderfully real and no b.s.

    And I really, really like that.

    • Lynn
      March 22, 2011

      thanks so much…i do wear glasses all the time but sometimes they come off for pictures. I like you for the very same reason. I’m not very good at pretense although there are times that i wish i was.

  9. Katja Brown
    April 25, 2011

    Do you also apply reverse psychology when you tell us that you are really a Loner?

    • Lynn
      April 25, 2011

      I am a loner; i spend a ton of time alone. However, when i’m amongst people i’m incredibly extroverted. I could never be that outgoing without all my alone time.

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