This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which we endow the emergency vet

In theory, Christmas is over and life should be getting back to “normal” around here but due to the fact that my cat is ridiculous, that’s not happening.  I don’t even know where to begin but let me just say that I could feed a small country on the sheer amount of money that my pets have cost me.  And I’m not even the type of person to keep a pet alive for my own sake.

 Here’s some history.  I grew up with cats.  I mean, we also had humans in our family, but we always had a cat.  Yeah, I remember a few little problems now and then but nothing significant.  So when Keely wanted a cat when she was six, we made her a deal.  If you quit sucking your fingers, we’ll get you a kitten.  She did and we did.  The cat’s name was Midnight and a nastier cat was never born.  But Keely loved Midnight and as she got older and her body got fatter and her head got smaller, she became sweeter (Midnight that is, Keely’s head didn’t get smaller).  So when Midnight’s kidneys gave out 2 years ago, it was with much regret when we had to put her to sleep.  The sheer joy of watching that cat waddle around was worth keeping her around.  She was fat because she ate a LOT and she ate a lot because she would literally bite and attack you when she wanted to eat.  After millions of injuries inflicted on the humans in the family, we decided to let her be fat.  After all then we could make fun of HER and spare the kids occasionally from being ridiculed.

 At any rate, because of her renal failure, we put her to sleep. Keely was a Freshman in college and was devastated so when she got home from school in May, we went to the animal shelter and picked out a kitten.  Keely called her Pepper and she was a really really cute gray tabby.  This kitten was everything you would want: cute, playful, friendly and cuddly…until, she had kidney failure.  That’s right. The cat had to be put to sleep in August due to renal failure. Apparently some sort of birth defect.  That’s exactly what we had to put Midnight to sleep for.  When Midnight was dying, I offered the vet one of Daniels kidneys to save the cat, but alas, it wasn’t a match…not to mention neither Daniel nor my husband were pleased.  So now we were losing the cat battle in a big way … again. 

 It was time for Keely to go back to school in August when I heard there were more kittens up at the shelter.  Daniel and I went up there and we saw Butterscotch.  She was so tiny and cute that we just had to get her.  Keely wasn’t pleased that we had picked out a cat without her but I drove the kitten down to Duke so Keely could see her.  All was well with the world.  Butterscotch is a long-haired cat and I’ve never had one before.  One of the great joys in my life is watching her run around the house and wipe out.  We have hardwood floors and she has so much damn fur between her toes that her traction is non-existent.  She smashes into things like it’s a sport and I’m certain she has massive brain damage.  It certainly could explain her idiocy.  So last year, we had this kitten and Keely had a year full of medical problems and life was normal, at least it was normal for us.

 In July, the cat was acting weird and I picked her up and saw a string hanging out of her butt.  Of course, I pulled it.  OF COURSE I PULLED IT!!  Expecting her little arms and legs to go up like one of those little puppets, nothing occurred by a painful meow.  Then I called the vet.  They said to get her ass in there (and the rest of her which was now hanging by a string…).  Apparently, eating string is not unusual for cats but YOU SHOULD NEVER PULL THE STRING.  I telescoped her intestines, which apparently is not a good thing to do.  Surgery, five days of shuttling between the vet and the emergency vet, thousands of dollars and the meatball cat is good as new.  We continued with life and everything was good and my independent cat was ok except the fact that she could jump anywhere and everywhere and was always on the counters driving us nuts.  But she was still pretty cute and continued wiping out and making me laugh so ok, we were keeping her.

 Except on Christmas Day this year she starts to puke. “Damn”, I think, “What’s up with that?” She seemed fine so we put her in her room and battened down the hatches for the night.  She’s a pretty independent cat so I didn’t really see much of her on Sunday until around 5 when we were all watching “Inception” and I asked if anyone had seen her.  Apparently no one had seen her since the morning, and Daniel announced that she never ate her dinner.  Shit.  We started a search and recovery mission to find the cat.  It took forever and I was worried that somebody had let her outside and since she’s tiny, she’s lost in a snowdrift and we won’t find her until spring…or next Sunday when it’s supposed to be 60 degrees and all the snow will melt.

 But we found her upstairs and I picked her up and she lets out a pitiful MEOW.  That was my cue to take her to the emergency vets.  You should know that over the years we’ve practically endowed the emergency vets because a) all our animals have issues in off hours and b) all their issues seem to be exorbitant and c) we keep getting put into the same “cat room of death” over and over and d) I lost my train of thought…so yeah.

 So here I am thinking she has a stomach bug or something because she was puking. But NO.  Apparently, she’s eaten another string or something.  WTF?  Seriously? Could this cat get any stupider?  Plus, it’s going to be another major surgery and they’ll call us in an hour to update us after tests and X-Rays.  They called and said she’d eaten something elastic and do we have any idea what that could be.  Yeah, it was the long gold elastic decoration that came with the malted milk balls that were sent from Vermont to bribe Daniel to study for SAT’s. Goddamn stupid cat.  The vet said they could fix her but it will be ANOTHER MAJOR surgery and will once again, cost thousands of dollars and by the way, we can’t LET her keep doing this.  Let her?  LET HER?  I could have bought a small country for the amount of money these damn animals are costing.  Of course, my husband starts doing a cost-benefit analysis and my kids start freaking out that we aren’t going to “fix” the cat, so fine.  We’re going to “fix” the cat but now we need to cat proof the house.  I mean, the cat takes dental floss out of the garbage, jumps on counter and eats elastic, what the hell can we do?  So, that’s where we’re at…

That was my Sunday. How was yours?

 

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20 Comments

  1. alberta ross
    December 30, 2010

    more peaceful than yours it seems!! – but oh yes they are never ill during the week only weekends and holidays when the already astronomical prices suddendly go to the stars and back – and oh the great fun that can be had with string – cotton – handkercheifs (my sisters guide dog) and don’t foget maggaty food (dogs out walking) and the unexplained illnesses which make them decide to die just now / here / no no don’t stop me!!!

    Aren’t the vets lucky people – soooo rich!!!

    • Lynn
      December 30, 2010

      It kills me how they are fine for their check ups and than WHAM, something stupid happens on the off hours. And THIS cat, to do the exact same thing twice…unbelievable!!! They told us to cat proof the house! WTF??? I wouldn’t even know where to begin with this particular animal. Oh well, keep your fingers crossed. Three strikes you’re out around here!!! Thanks for commenting!

  2. Angel
    December 30, 2010

    Hahahaha I know the feeling, My cat – also known as “the inheritance” (she was my mum’s cat – she dies and becomes my dads cat – he pegs it and she becomes the painful bane of my life) is too a pain in the arse!

    Anyhow the monster as mine is dubbed decided to get a giant hairball – cue galactic puking and a stressed out me. Lucky for me I has a donation vet – you donate what you can afford. I call and he is all starve her and then this time tomorrow feed her grilled chicken – bitch ate better than me!

    Cats are a pain in the arse and dumb as shit – FFPR (for future personal reference) get a dog!

    • Lynn
      December 30, 2010

      Ummm… i have a dog…and he’s constantly causing problems too! so, i’m not sure that’s the answer. I suppose it would be pet insurance or no pets for me. At any rate, we’ll keep struggling through!

  3. Sharon Heg
    December 30, 2010

    I’m not a cat person but we have a 1.75y/o toy poodle named Dobby (rhymes with Bobby. Don’t pronounce it like Dobie Gillis and don’t call her a HIM. Please and thank-you. LOL!) who believes, if it’s on the floor, it’s hers and therefore fair game for eating. Unfortunately, my medium-length hair tends to fall out here and there and Dobby finds and eats it…and then the poop sticks to the hair when it’s coming out the other end and it’s like a string of poop pearls. But I don’t pull the string. ;-)

    • Lynn
      December 30, 2010

      Yuck…that sounds gross…dogs can be nasty. My dog eats cat poop but at least we don’t have to have surgery for that.

  4. erin margolin
    December 30, 2010

    oh my gosh! so sorry for all of this….
    I did see a pamphlet at my vet’s office the other day about pet insurance. I don’t know much about it but wonder if it would help w/ some of these expenses??? might be worth looking into…

    • Lynn
      December 30, 2010

      Well, if i had known I would have a cat like this, I def would have gotten insurance. Perhaps next time!!!!

  5. Karla Telega
    December 30, 2010

    I’ve been tempted to leave my dog in a padded sterile room during the vet’s off hours. We spent $500 just to sew up a cut at the emergency vets. Sheesh!

    • Lynn
      December 30, 2010

      It’s always something, right? I don’t remember my pets having these problems when I was growing up!

  6. Theresa Sonoda
    December 30, 2010

    Wow such a cute little not-so-smart kitty. I’ve had some dumb DUMB animals in my life, too, but all of them were dogs. My cats seem to be ok. It’s a good thing, too, because the poor things would have croaked with me and my bank account, or lack thereof.

    • Lynn
      December 30, 2010

      Well…this is her last chance. Se better not do it again. I’ve never had an animal do this before but we told het, three strikes and you’re out! she’s killing us with these surgeries!!!

  7. Nona
    December 30, 2010

    We spent $4,000 on a dog just to lose her to an inoperable tumor. We’ve spent another couple of thousand over the years at the e-vet with our various critters, not to mention the monthly meds for heartworm & flea prevention, the annual shots, etc. But we love them, so it’s the price of affection & amusement. Still cheaper than raising our kid.

    • Lynn
      December 30, 2010

      I suppose that they’re cheaper than a kid but this cat isn’t even 18 months old and we are at surgery two already so….at any rate, she’s healing now so we shall see if she learned her lesson.

  8. Alecia
    January 3, 2011

    I can so appreciate your dilemma. We have spent thousands at emergency vet mostly with our dog. She likes to eat chocolate on Thanksgiving and impale her chest with sticks on Sundays.

    Good luck with your decision!

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      each pet i’ve gotten has been worse than the one before…maybe i didn’t notice growing up but that cat was alive FOREVER…oh well, we will see what happens next!

  9. Mrs.Mayhem
    January 3, 2011

    I had no idea that you “SHOULD NEVER PULL THE STRING.” My cats eats strings/ribbons/yarn quite often, and we’ve never had a problem from pulling the string.

    But I understand about spending tons of money to “fix” a pet. My husband inherited a cat, so to speak, from his grandmother. Shortly after the cat moved in with us, he suffered kidney failure. The vet told us we should put the cat to sleep but my husband was feeling guilty… so, $7000 later, we had basically tortured the cat for two more weeks.

    Good luck cat proofing the house!

    • Lynn
      January 3, 2011

      Well…I didn’t know it either until I actually pulled the string and telescoped her intestines. Wow…$7000…that’s unbelievable. If the vets said to put her to sleep, I would have. If it happens again, we are done!

  10. Stephanie C
    January 10, 2011

    I feel your pain to the nth degree (or the maximum credit limit on the ol’ Visa). I am quite certain that I singlehandedly paid for my vet’s breast implants, the plasma tv screens in the exam rooms, and the complete entrance reno.

    I am a sucker for my pets, so between Mr. Grey’s stomach cancer and Scooby’s list of problems, I would tear up and they would add shit to the bill.

    Gotta love it. Glad your cat is better, but day-um. How do you de-elasticize the house for a freakin’ cat?!?!

    • Lynn
      January 10, 2011

      it’s quite impossible i think. The cat will pull things from the trash. I’m a little concerned about that as well. Thanks for checking out the blog!

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