This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which we got to Costa Rica … one

Costa Rica


Readers: So I took a two week break therefore these posts (which I barely wrote when I was away) are obviously not from this week. ENJOY!

December 23, 2013

I’m sitting here on the balcony overlooking the Pacific and the view is simply extraordinary.  I’m in Costa Rica and although it was a bit harrowing making it up here to the house, it was well worth it when we woke up this morning and could see the view.


I can hear Andie and Keely talking down by the pool below me. Keely is setting up an Instagram account for Andie, not that Andie either wanted it or asked for it but that’s just Keely for you.  She will do something whether you want it or not, especially if she thinks its for your own good.


I’d like to say that the first thing i did was enjoy the view but thats not the case. You see, the first thing i did upon awakening this morning was jump out of bed to run down the hill (this is the harrowing part) and retrieve some luggage.  Well, let me start at the beginning.


First, WHY THE FUCK isn’t my autocorrect working.  I absolutely need autocorrect since I never capitalize my i’s and I am also incapable of spelling.  Oh, sorry … let me get back to the story.


So yesterday, the five of us got up at 5:00 AM to catch the flight that would take us to Costa Rica.  It left at 7:15 to take us to Atlanta and then San Jose, Costa Rica. we would then be getting out rental car and driving 3 hours to the house that we had rented.


We check our bags (5 of them) and everyone was in a good mood (which is already unusual as Andie is NOT a morning person).  We were actually placing wagers on our baggage weight at the person handling our luggage proclaimed us a “very fun family” although I think those stupid kids suck.


Daniel was already starving so he and his sisters got some food and we took off.  We got to Atlanta and safely changed terminals and realized that we would be flying through lunch which meant a) no lunch b) Daniel would die c) Andie would get the shakes d) Keely would bitch and moan and e) they would drive us nuts because f) they were in the row behind us.  BAD PLANNING LYNN!!


So Kevin and Daniel ran and got some sandwiches and Keely repeated 1 million times “Don’t have any mayo on it” and she bugged us because that’s what she does.  By the time we all got to the gate they were boarding.


We weren’t in first class.


We weren’t in business.


We were in steerage.


If this had been the Titanic we’d all be dead now.


Don’t worry though, we’re all okay.


We land in Costa Rica which has a sign that says “happiest people in the world” or something to that effect.  We go through Immigration (yeah! We made it) and get to the luggage and of course, Daniel and I don’t have our bags. Turns out they’re in Atlanta still (just chilling …)


At this point, the kid’s were starting to give me shit because something ALWAYS goes wrong with our travel situations.  Usually, it’s because I screwed up the reservation or the date or the hotel or something but in this case, NOT MY FAULT.


Kevin goes and gets in line for the Delta Luggage Claim stuff and I get money and we wait … and wait … and wait…


Finally they tell us that our luggage is in Atlanta (isn’t this boring/ shouldn’t[t you be with your family doing Christmas things? thanks for stopping by, and you stay classy San Diego.)


Sorry, that was Andie who unfortunately just came up here and took my iPad, said my blog sucked and just wrote that line.  Note to reader: ANDIE SUCKS


Finally they tell us our luggage will be delivered eventually that night or the next day.  The thing is that we’re staying 3 hours away.  Nonetheless, we head over to National Rental car.


Here’s that conversation:


National:          we don’t have your car


Me:                  but I have a reservation


National:          We know, but still we have no cars


Me:                  where’s the car I reserved?


National:          well, the person who rented it extended their rental and didn’t return it.


Me:                  I need to drive 3 hours and I need a car


then there was a huge delay and conversation in rapid Spanish …


National:          good news. Hertz has a car


Me:                  is it a big car?


National:          what?


Me:                  we have five people and lots of luggage


Some kid pipes up: well actually not as much luggage as we need


National:          yes, Hertz will take care of you


So we go to Hertz who assures us they have a 7-seater large car and to hop in the shuttle.  By this point we’ve been in the airport forever so off we go to Hertz.  We get there and the guy says it’ll take “15 minutes” and we settle in to wait and then they bring us their pride and joy, a BRAND NEW CAR.


A BRAND NEW SMALL CAR that is.  Yeah, the car wasn’t very large.  Technically it could seat 7 if you had no luggage and you had small children but the kids were crammed into the back. Nonetheless, we took off for our 3-hour drive.


By this point the kids were convinced that the house didn’t exist and I had screwed everything up.  We drove and drove and everybody bitched and moaned cuz they were jammed but Costa Rica is gorgeous.


Our directions weren’t very clear but we had to turn onto some gravel road and go up the hill.  People, I just KNEW we would die.  It was crazy steep and it was dark and you couldn’t see where you were going and there were cliffs and … you get the picture.


We make it to the house and it’s insane and awesome and beautiful. We went to dinner (up and down the hill again) and all went to bed.  I got a call this morning at 7:30 saying, “my luggage was at the bottom of the hill” so down we went and I realized when we got to the bottom that I had never even looked at the view.


Man, I haven’t even described this massive bug that Andie named “Brutus” but I’ll get to that later.


tata for now …

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  1. Julie
    January 6, 2014

    Literally, laughing out loud over here. Missed your sucky posts!

    • Lynn
      January 6, 2014

      Thanks…don’t worry. My posts will always suck

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