This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which we have a frantic search

Chaos Ahead Traffic Sign

I’m up in the air. No, not from happiness; I’m literally on a plane up in the air.  Yup, today’s the day I return to my real life in North Carolina.  It’s been quite a trip but I must admit I’m ready for it to be over.  When I last left off we had arrived in California.  Before we left, Keely had three potential apartments and roommates lined up.  First one of them found a roommate and then the day before we left, the second one found a roommate so as you can imagine, the trip started off with some trepidation on Keely’s end of things.


While we were driving she kept talking about being homeless and homesick and it was making us both a bit uptight, especially because Keely was certain that the second one with two kids around her age, was going to be perfect.  She had been using,, and all in an attempt to find a place.  When we arrived Thursday she had three appointments set up with two more potential appointments.


We rolled into town and dropped our boxes in Manhattan Beach at Amy and Ken’s house (shout out, thanks for that) and went to appointment one. I waited in the car while Keely went in.  After all, it would have been unseemly to have your mom with you when you meet the future roomie right?


So Keely went in and sometime later she was back.  She had been feeling optimistic about this one because the girl was a grad student at UCLA and she figured they’d have plenty in common.  Not so fast.


Girl:                 so you’re how old?


Keely:             23


Girl:                 oh (said in totally condescending voice) only 23?


Keely:             yes


Girl:                 well, it takes at least two years to get adjusted so you’ll probably have a hard time


Keely:             ummm…


Girl:                 I guess I could introduce you to some of my friends but …


So as you can imagine that didn’t work out. Keely left with the girl saying “I’ll get back to you” but we never heard from her again.  I guess Keely was “too young.”


Next was this apartment full of boys.  Keely didn’t really want to try it but I thought we should check out every option.  They were nice but older (30’s) and the place was a dump (not much furniture) and she’d have to share one bathroom (with 3 boys … YUCK) so no, that one didn’t work either.


So we went out to dinner and were feeling a mite discouraged but decided, “tomorrow is another day!”


TOMORROW: Yes, another day but not a good one. Went to see an apartment with a tiny room in the heart of Hollywood.  The room was ridiculously small with a tiny closet but exorbitant.  Boy, Keely was turning into a wreck and it was only Friday. The solution: sending out a million Craigslist emails and more importantly, dinner with Mojitos …lots and lots of them.


Walking back from dinner we stopped at the comedy store and saw Chris D’Elia (in the show Whitney), Ahmed Ahmed, and a bunch of other comedians.  I’ve never been somewhere like that and it was loads of fun so we went to bed thinking, “it’ll all work out tomorrow” which was Saturday.


Now remember, I was leaving on Wednesday and in our fantasies we would have already been decorating by now.


Oh silly, silly Lynn and Keely.


So we got up Saturday and I had convinced Keely to “broaden her search parameters.” By now we knew she didn’t want to be in Hollywood (too frenzied, touristy and crowded) so we were basically looking in the West Hollywood area.  We went to an appointment with a share with a 29-year-old female, or so we though. Boy were we surprised when a 38-year-old man who looked like an aging body builder opened the door.


Him:    hi, I’m Chille.


Then he looks at me


Him:    who are you?


Me:     I’m Keely’s mom


Him:    how are you?


Me:     why did you say you were a 29-year-old woman?


Him:    I’m like the Pamela Anderson to gay guys so I never put down I’m a guy


Wait what? Yeah, it went downhill from there.  I should have walked out immediately but I was intrigued so we checked out the place. Turns out he was a 38-year-old man, a “talent agent”, an actor and various other things. In a word: NO!!!  I’m not having my 23-year-old daughter live with this sketchy man.  Of course, he later texted Keely that he wanted to live with her and I said “tell him no” which she did but he informed her “she’d be safer with him than with anyone else.” Somehow I didn’t feel at all reassured by that.


Since we were down to one potential apartment left we decided to scope out the area first.  We were meeting the girl on Sunday and Keely was beside herself when we saw the neighborhood.  There was no way, in my mind, that she was living there so I told Keely no.  I needed to be able to sleep at night knowing my child was safe ya know? Now it looked like she would definitely be homeless.


By Sunday morning, I had a plan.  We had found a new last-chance listing on Craigslist and also looked at renting a place in Burbank where a friend of hers lived.  If this last one didn’t work it was either sleeping on friends couches (not good for her hip), sharing in Burbank or getting a furnished sublet month by month until something turned up.  Now keep in mind that Keely hates uncertainty and she was what I would term “an emotional wreck.”


We went to check out this new place at 1:00 and the place was perfect.  Really, it was PERFECT! Big yet cozy with tons of closet space; Great location and her own bathroom! We talked to the girl for a while and she said she get back to us by 5.  At 5:10 Keely texted her and the girl said ” I need to be cautious so can we have drinks tomorrow night and get to know each other better?” Tomorrow night? If that didn’t work out I’d have one day to figure everything out.


I told Keely “do it tonight” even though she was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend of mine; after all, if it didn’t work out, we would have very little time to deal.


Good news: it did work out.  We moved some stuff in Monday and went to IKEA (never again) and then spent Tuesday moving boxes, unpacking and decorating.  So, after a full day of moving boxes and stuff I’m tired, with a backache but thrilled to report that Keely is settled in.  Well, as settled as she’s likely to get for a while.


That’s it for now … Coming up next on All Fooked Up: watching a SWAT team takedown from my hotel room. Yeah, you read that right!!

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  1. Ribena Tina @ Ribena musing
    January 25, 2013

    Wow, that certainly sounds so very stressful! It’s a wonder you didn’t sleep all the way home on the plane. Glad she is settled in.
    Ribena Tina @ Ribena musing recently posted..It’s a good job I can make him laugh!My Profile

  2. Mayor Gia
    January 25, 2013

    Ohh I’m glad that finally worked out! When I moved back in May, i had those experiences too…either a sketchy guy or or crappy place or I couldnt afford it.
    Mayor Gia recently posted..Football Season is Coming to an EndMy Profile

  3. Jester Queen
    January 25, 2013

    YAY so glad something worked

  4. Julie
    January 25, 2013

    Phew. Have a few more mojito’s. You’ve earned them.

  5. Pauline
    January 26, 2013

    All kind of sketchy characters on ad sites, that is pretty scary. Good thing she didn’t go alone!
    Pauline recently posted..13 money resolutions for 2013: #13 enjoy!My Profile

  6. Punky Coletta
    January 27, 2013

    Whew! What an adventure! Glad things worked out after so much hard searching.
    Punky Coletta recently posted..Marriage and VibratorsMy Profile

  7. Annabelle
    January 28, 2013

    Wow, that parade of sketch really makes me grateful that when I set out to get my first post-school apartment, I could afford to live solo! I’m glad she found something you’re both happy with.

    • Lynn
      January 29, 2013

      me too! she was totally stressing ME out!

  8. MILF Runner
    February 3, 2013

    I had to laugh about the male Pamela Anderson. I’m really glad she found a perfect place :)

    • Lynn
      February 4, 2013

      yeah…i was like “nice comparison buddy”

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