This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!
In which we mocked The Changing of the Guard
It’s 3:00 and I’m in my room at the Portobella Inn and I have literally spent the entire day laughing. I mean, seriously laughing to the point where my stomach was hurting. Allow me to recap a little for you.
Since my cousin Lauren is having a gigantic party, she has much to do around her house. My aunt and my cousin Susie have been helping her get all the stuff in order. Now Susie has a 5 year old daughter named Isabella heretofore to be referred to as Bella. Got it? So today, my Uncle Ken was going to take Bella to the changing of the guard.
Because last time I was here, I didn’t do a single touristy thing, I volunteered to accompany Bella and my Uncle Ken to The Palace for The Changing of the Guard. (It was either do that or be put to work) It was decided that I would meet them at 10:00 so we could get a front row spot for this amazing affair which begins around 11:30. As I was arrived, I discovered to my great surprise, that my cousin Noah would ALSO be traveling with us on our journey. This was tremendous news as Noah and I have quite a lot of fun together. I shall now endeavor to share some of the fantastic conversations and/or observations, which have taken place thus far today.
And as Noah pointed out to me as we were ending this portion of the day: “…and we haven’t EVEN started drinking yet!!!”
Set up: squashed against the gate at Buckingham Place
Me: so how much longer do we have?
Noah: another hour
Me: well that sucks, I hope something exciting happens before then
Noah: like what?
Me: like maybe that guy with the machine gun will open fire on the crowd
Noah: he’s the guardian. Why would he open fire on the crowd?
Me: I don’t know. But I’ve always wondered …
Noah: wondered what?
Me: if I’m as big of a hero in real life as I am in my head
Noah: like whether you’d be a “follow me” person or whether you’d cower?
Me: exactly
Noah: I’m not sure you should let them hear you discussing opening fire on the crowd
Me: isn’t that the type of thing you always wonder about?
Noah: not really
Me: well, what do you do with your time?
Noah: I have a job Lynn
Or later as we were watching two guys with swords march back and forth repeatedly
Me: you’d think that they’d do something more interesting than just strut around
Noah: like what
Me: like maybe eviscerate someone
Noah: eviscerate someone?
Me: yeah, you know when you take a sharp object and …
Noah: Lynn, I know what eviscerate means
Me: I know! It’s a great word though isn’t it?
Noah: yeah, why would you want to see that?
Me: it’s just the type of thing you never see…also committing Sepuko
Noah: true, you rarely see people committing Sepuko
Me: I’m just pointing it out
Noah: duly noted
Me: here comes the music people
Noah: drums and fife
Me: seems kinda boring
Noah: yeah, not much of a beat
Me: they really should liven this up more
Noah: how so?
Me: have you ever seen the movie Drumline?
Noah: I love that movie
Me: me too!
Noah: whenever I’m switching channels and that movie is on, I watch it
Me: wouldn’t that be an awesome crossover
Noah: what?
Me: Drumline and the changing of the guard
Noah: could you imagine? They’d get in each other’s faces and just drum in out
Me: and all the guards would be jamming…like in Step it up
Noah: that would really liven up the session
And later…
Me: man, this is taking forever
Noah: I know, I’m totally bored
Me: when are they going to pour water on the wicked witch and she melts
Noah: this is totally like The Wizard of Oz
Me: I keep waiting for the guards to say “oh-ee-oh”
Noah: now the band is playing
Me: is that the Beatles?
Noah: holy shit! They’re playing elevator music
Me: I cannot believe they’re playing a Beatles medley!
Noah: … And now Michael Jackson…this sucks
And still later:
Me: did you see that guard with the sword turn?
Noah: yeah, why?
Me: he can turn in both directions!
Noah: ahhh, so he’s not an ambiturner?
Me: yeah, Zoolander could never be a guard here
Noah: good point
Me: I’m never going to remember all these funny conversations
Noah: for what?
Me: or my blog of course
And then the people around us, who were from Indiana and had been cracking up with us asked about my blog so I headed out cards.
I’m JUST THAT GOOD!!!
I should probably be a tour guide!
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heheh Thats awesome. a reason why I should create business cards for my blog :-) like the zoolander piece ehehehe, but im well jealous of u seeing the changing of the guards. We tried to watch it (my wife and I) when we were in london, but they were doing nothing and being boring.. ohh well :-)
– tork
Dad Blog Tork recently posted..15 Gift Ideas For Dad This Xmas
you should definitely have business cards…if for no other reason that to bug people
You know why your hotel is so wierd? ‘Cuz it’s named after a mushroom…
true. the whole area is though
Guards opening fire on the crowd while performing Seppuko eviscerating everyone, except you and Noah, of course, would’ve made an exciting day! Not sure The Palace Uppity Ups would’ve liked it so much though.
Pamela D Hart recently posted..Meet Me On Monday ~ Camera Crazed Camera Challenged Chick
probably not but i must say that we totally enjoyed visualizing the scenario
You would be a hoot to travel with…who knew the guard shit would be sooo funny! Amazing how your group could weave eviscerate and Zoolander in one blog. Might be because you were staying at a hotel named after a mushroom :)
yeah…well, my mind does roam all over the place. and not in a very constructive way at all.
Now I feel bad for Zoolander. His career choices are further limited.
good point and hahahahaha
Awful, awful “blog”. Where was the humour? Your “amusing” conversations are plain, boring, mundane. Will probably stop using Stumble solely for the fact that it brought me here
i often wonder why people waste time commenting if they don’t like something. i don’t see where anyone would care if you stopped using stumble upon
This wasn’t even remotely funny… was it supposed to be?
i was amused and apparently some others were as well. however, you apparently weren’t
I was amused but I’ve done the wait for the changing of the guard so, yes, I totally get how a fun conversation would amp it up! Keep calm and carry on … or laugh hysterically like the rest of us ;)
I’m calm, i’m calm…hecklers don’t bug me
I was one of the two laughing at your comments while also being smashed against the gate waiting anxiously for something amazing. I’m glad you mentioned the thing about the Wizard of Oz because I was totally thinking it. Thanks for the humor for that hour of my life…I enjoyed it much more while eavesdropping on your conversation.
Ahhhh…from Indiana. It was great fun making fun of the entire ordeal. I had a great time in London. I spent the next day burning up my cousins kitchen. Thanks for reading!!!