This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which you are here

It’s 9:42 and I’ve managed to skip the 8:30 spin class, the 9:20 pilates class and somehow justified not working out until 11:00 so that leaves me with an hour here, alone at my computer.  I’ve also managed to drink  6 cups of coffee and my hands are shaking so badly that I can barely type and it’s not often I say this, but thank god for autocorrect.

I just got off the phone with my friend Ann who writes Women, Money and Divorce (which if you read this blog regularly, you would know about so go check it out).  At any rate, we were discussing my upcoming appearance at the Idiot Box where I will be doing some standup (which is linked here), and then we were discussing how much fun we had at BlissDom in Nashville last month(here and here).

We were discussing that even if we hadn’t learned anything, we had so much fun that perhaps we should become conference groupies.  If you didn’t meet us there, I’m sorry but that pretty much sucks for you because Ann, Marta and I were the perfect threesome.  We roamed around, met people, attempted to teach Ann technology (this didn’t work that well but I got some VERY funny posts out of it), almost bought a combine and just had one hell of a time.  Yeah, it was tiring and we almost died from a lack of water and chairs but the experience was amazing.

So now we’re trying to decide, do we just stay on the Mom circuit or expand out.  I mean there’s SXSW (South by Southwest), electronics conferences, designer conferences, all sorts of other conferences out there.  One of the best things about this conference was not knowing shit about it and then watching Ann stumble through all the stuff we were learning.  So why continue on a track we already know?  It turns out that Ann called to tell me that I had indeed treated her and Marta to their hotel rooms.  “Check your credit card bill Lynn,” she said.  I informed her that if I had treated her, she could just simply treat me to another conference.  After all, I haven’t laughed that hard in ages.

There was the time that we were lost in the 100 acre wood known as the Gaylord looking for a restaurant.  As we wandered around the jungle we found a sign that said “YOU ARE HERE.”  Indeed we were but unfortunately, the restaurant we wanted was over there.  So we set off on our quest to find the restaurant.  After about a half an hour we came upon another sign.  We looked at it and guess what?  It said “YOU ARE HERE!”  “Again?” I thought, “How could we be here?”  We were here a while ago and then we walked and we’re here again?  How is that possible? So once again, we looked at the map and set off.  By now, we were pretty famished and within an hour we once again arrived at yet ANOTHER SIGN showing the layout.  We looked for the restaurant in question and instead, we found another arrow that said, “YOU ARE HERE!”  What the fuck?  How can I constantly be leaving and arriving in the same damn spot.  How can I be here when in fact, I’ve walked for hours?  Shouldn’t I be there yet?  And even more importantly, where in the hell is the restaurant I’m looking for because it sure as shit isn’t HERE!  Fortunately, a stranger noticed us staggering, clothes torn from the intense journey and told us the restaurant was just ahead.  There it was, shimmering in the distance like a mirage in the desert (I know right? Incredible metaphor. Or is that a simile? Whatever).

Finally, after many drinks, we realized that at the Gaylord, no matter where you go or how far you travel, you will simply be HERE!  And that my friends, is why I shall continue to go to conferences. I mean, these types of stories are not to be missed, right?

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24 Comments

  1. Julie
    February 21, 2011

    I used to live in beautiful Nashville and I know the hotel well. It is an evil, evil place. If you find yourself there again, find the front door and head over to Tootsie’s World Famous Orchid Lounge. You’ll learn the same amount at either location.

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      i missed that place…Tootsie’s huh? even the name sounds awesome

  2. Mad Woman behind the Blog
    February 21, 2011

    We were just at the Gaylord outside Dallas over Christmas and if that wasn’t a shit fest of holiday cheer! I would have had so much more fun kicking up my heels with a bunch of farm equipment salesmen, because I know how to have their kind of fun.

    But yes, I’ve popped my conference cherry and can’t wait to dig in. Off to Blogher in August. Oh the fodder, let it come, let it come.

    Until then, I’ll just read yours.

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      hahaha…well, i don’t have any more planned right now so we’ll just have to see…i’m trying to be the keynote speaker at BlogHer but they’re being difficult

  3. Theresa Sonoda
    February 21, 2011

    Stomach chuckles at the “You are Here” stuff. Love it. I’ve been to many conferences (mostly information technology since that’s my work…when I work) but never been to a blogging conference. I signed up for Blogher in San Diego in August, and am really looking forward to that.

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      hahaha…well, i had a lot of fun at BlissDom. I probably would have had fun anyways…and i did learn stuff, but mostly, i met people and laughed a lot. It was pretty damn exhausting though. Not sure about BlogHer…unless i’m the keynote speaker of course.

  4. Toby @tobydiva
    February 21, 2011

    Lynn – yup! unless I’m speaking, the #1 reason I attend 89.72% of social media conferences is to take online offline and connect with friends.

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      so you’re saying i should go even if i’m not the Keynote Speaker? isn’t that just a cop out and saying it’s ok for me to be a failure though? I probably should attend as i was a HUGE HIT AT BLISSDOM!

  5. Jessica
    February 21, 2011

    If you had a good time and you were able to meet some new people then you should continue to go to conferences.

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      Well, i did have fun..and i did meet new people however, i’m not sure traveling around the US to have fun and just meet people is very cost effective

  6. liz
    February 21, 2011

    So does this mean you’ll come to Type A in Asheville this June? A bunch of us Blissdom-ers are going!

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      Hmmm…I’m actually thinking BlogHer…what’s type A about anyways? I’m not really a type A person

  7. By Word of Mouth Musings
    February 21, 2011

    Those tractor boys just loved you!
    Hope you are there next year … you can go back to Blissdom and make a fortune selling water bottles!

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      Hahaha…and there it is! My new career…I can be a bloggers conference groupie who supports herself by dealing…WATER!!!

  8. erin margolin
    February 21, 2011

    first of all, i cannot read maps. period. i am like impaired or something. and those Gaylord maps were the worst. i was soooo frustrated! i ended up just asking people for help every time i found myself back at square one.

    loved the part about dying of lack of water. seriously—-where was the freakin’ WATER?!?!?! LOL

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      I CAN read maps and yet, I still walked in circles. SO.DAMN.FUNNY though…

  9. Crayon Wrangler
    February 21, 2011

    Well that explains why I didn’t see you a whole lot. You were always “Here” and I was always “There”.
    “There” always had plenty of water, lots of free food, free adult drinks, many laughs and they passed out $100 bills. Shame you never made it “there” and was stuck “here”

    • Lynn
      February 21, 2011

      Best comment of the day! Bar none! I’m never where I want to be. Buckaroo Bonzai said “wherever you go, there you are.”. I think he’s right.

  10. Brad Procton
    February 22, 2011

    It’s Buckaroo Banzai, Lynn. Stop fucking up me fav movies or I swear I’ll send John Bigbooty for you. And the quote is “Remember; no matter where you go, there you are.” – B. Banzai. Finally and for the record “Laugha while you can monkeyboy.” – Dr. Emilio Lazardo

    • Lynn
      February 22, 2011

      You…are a pain in the ass! Just saying…

  11. Gloria
    February 24, 2011

    OMG! Yesterday after reading this post from you I went to work and on the train I usually play Wheel of Fortune on my ipod (barrels of laugh!). Guess what was the “Phrase” that came up in one of the rounds: _O_ _RE _ERE.
    Three guesses what that puzzle was. I nearly screamed on the train, I couldn’t believe it!
    I said to myself “This is definitely something cosmic” first to read about it in your blog and then finding that phrase half an hour later on a puzzle. Celestine Prophecy comes to mind.

    Hope you’re well
    xx
    G

    • Lynn
      February 24, 2011

      Hahaha…glad I could be of help in all the important areas of your life. Hahaha…how many friends are you up to now on FB?

  12. Mora Benadom
    April 19, 2011

    I wish more people would write blogs like this that are really fun to read. With all the fluff floating around on the net, it is rare to read a blog like this instead.

    • Lynn
      April 19, 2011

      glad you enjoyed it and hope you come back!

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