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Top 10 reasons why NOT to try on lip gloss while drinking


Because having two mojitos at lunch makes for bad decisions

Because red lip gloss looks really awesome

Because putting a dab of lip gloss on your finger is harder than you think

Because spreading said lip gloss on your lips is messy

Because then you have red lip gloss on your teeth

Which makes your daughter and friend laugh uproariously

Which only makes the lip gloss spread further

Which means you ask for a Kleenex

Which makes the sales girl look at you likes you’re psycho

So you clean off the lip gloss

Which is bright red

But you end up spreading it further

Like on your chin…

And your cheek…

And yet it’s still on your teeth

And your hands are red

And did I mention you were wearing a white shirt

And everyone is looking at you like WTF?

But your lips are a nice red color

But then the sales rep brings you a moist toilette

Which you practically eat just to get the goddamn red off your teeth

But you finally get it off your teeth

But not off of your hands

And finally you ask for the bathroom

Which has no light in it …

But you don’t even care …

Because you just want to wash your hands

Because did I mention you were wearing a white shirt???

Pretty sure I did

So yeah, don’t do that

Oh wait!!! That’s more than 10 reasons


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  1. Julie
    October 10, 2012

    That’s why I am loyal to Burt’s Bee’s ~ Nutmeg or Fig.

  2. Jester Queen
    October 10, 2012

    Haha! It’s those mojitos talking, I assure you. Mojitos can’t count any more than they can smear lip gloss onto only the right bits.

    • Lynn
      October 10, 2012

      It was a fiasco…hilarious but quite messy

  3. Jess
    October 10, 2012

    Because you end up looking like a vampire with messy eating habits? :)

    • Lynn
      October 10, 2012

      Actually yes. I could have been on True Blood

  4. Alicia
    October 10, 2012

    This, this right here had me laughing so hard: “Which you practically eat just to get the goddamn red off your teeth.” And had my dog looking at me like I had lost my mind!

    • Lynn
      October 10, 2012

      I think I still have lip gloss under my nails :))

  5. Euphoria Girl
    October 10, 2012

    That’s a moment we have all shared. I assumed giving up lipstick would solve all of my mojito induced problems (or in my case margaritas) except I just have equally embarrassing moments but without red teeth.

    • Lynn
      October 11, 2012

      Hahaha…mojitos improve everything…except lip gloss

  6. Name *
    October 11, 2012

    I didn’t think you could get it down to just ten reasons. This is, however, truly fookin’ funny. ;)

    • Lynn
      October 11, 2012

      Kate!!!! Thanks…it was a fiasco

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